Am I comparing myself to a 76 year-old former celebrity actress and ex-wife to Steve Macqueen and Bob Evans? Yes. Here are the ways we are similar: she lives a quiet spiritual life and has her hair up in a bun, looking more earth mother than glamazon. And that probably describes me in a lot of ways.
I was just watching a re-run of Super Soul Sunday from last year with Ali Macgraw. As I was watching the episode, I listened to her answers to Oprah's questions. I had watched this episode when it first aired a year ago. And I was surprised that much of what Ali was saying to Oprah reflected where my life was now. Maybe I had watched this interview and internalized some things. Maybe Ali Macgraw is a spiritual teacher to me. But as I watched this woman, full of humility and entirely human and flawed, talk about the things she knew and how she lives I thought that I must have paid attention to her last year.
Gratitude. She speaks constantly about being grateful for her life. Throughout the episode, she talks about being grateful for the simplest of things. I have focused a lot on gratitude in the past year or so and have used this blog as a way to express my gratitude. Gratitude has made me a calmer, more centered and less competitive with everyone around me.
Saying No. She talks about how she has stopped telling lies and just speaking her mind. When asked if she wanted to attend some fancy soiree by an acquaintance, she said "No." Not "No, thank you." No need to be polite or to make up an excuse. Just a straight up no. I love how honest that is. And I have that attitude about a lot of things these days. I say "No" a lot. And my boyfriend does a double take. Like saying no was somehow equivalent to saying "Fuck You." And it's not a "No" that's rude or a call to arms or an attack. It's just a choice, a very succinct choice.
The atmosphere of comparison. She talks about leaving LA for Santa Fe to remove herself from the pressures of the constant measuring stick mentality in LA. It's a constant "what are you doing?", "What are you up to?"situation. The constant need to prove that you're important or are doing something that proves your worth. I can relate to this. I almost moved out of LA recently because I was feeling a pull toward somewhere calmer and more genuine. But bullshit can find you anywhere. And for me, staying in LA is about my community. I can choose the values I am willing to stand by and the people who share those values. It's not just about escape. It's about standing for what you believe in.
She talks a lot about kindness as a spiritual practice. She speaks very humbly and seems uncomfortable with the idea that she's got answers. She just lives as an example and is a woman moving through the world with awareness. That's why the lessons hit so deep because they weren't coming from a guru, just a person who lives with her eyes open and has taken time to reflect. The shock of watching the episode again was really about realizing that a lot of what she said spoke to me even deeper than it did a year ago when I probably just watched the episode out of curiosity for what she would say about Hollywood in the 70s. But today as I watched it again, I felt a lot of my beliefs were reinforced. Also, more than any other Super Soul Sunday I've rewatched, I felt like it was a marker of my own spiritual growth in the past year. That just proves that you can't be snobby about where the lessons come from. They come from everywhere.
I am grateful for reflection.
I am grateful for a weekend of quiet.
I am grateful for friendship.
I am grateful for nourishment.
I am grateful for salad.
I am grateful for Mexican food.
I am grateful for exercise.
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