I'm doing the Deepak/Oprah mediation challenge for 21 days. I do it every time it comes up, but I don't maintain my meditation practice beyond that. I want to be better at it. I was really good about my daily meditation about two years ago. I've fallen off - maybe partially because of work and "being busy." But that's no excuse.
I've made great strides in clearing out noise - proverbial and actual - from my life. But I still don't have a daily practice.
It comes down to Time. Time's always a factor in everything. I hear a lot of friends talk about how they don't have time for certain things. Many a friend log off Facebook for a period of time so they can be more productive. They make this big announcement about how they're going off Facebook because they've got important things to do. The same thing holds true about the "writer's cave." I have a lot of friends who bury themselves in their work and make a huge announcement about it. I tend not to announce when I'm disengaging or holing myself up to get work done.
It's a waste of time.
And it's this big grand gesture to let everyone know how much work you're trying to get done. I just tell people when the work is done. I finished a new pilot draft last night. Its only 33 pages - that's not that hard to do. But in order to get those 33 pages done, I had to spend time thinking about the project. I had to make a treatment. I had to write a beat outline, then a full outline, then drafts of that full outline and then I started pages. I asked Cory to hold me accountable to getting things done. I didn't panic when half the month passed by and I hadn't finished a full draft. I knew I had been working. And I didn't let shame or fear get in the way of me finishing. I didn't psyche myself out. A lot of those expectation building gestures tend to freak people out.
Ever since I started eliminating anxiety from my life, I have found time to do a lot more things. I'm going to do an accountability page count in a few days to see how much I have written this year. I think my last number of pure script pages was about 560. I've written drafts of the play since then and this new pilot. Plus, I have outline pages that I also include in another accounting. My last number for that was about 750 with script and outline pages. That number might be close to 1000 now.
But the number isn't important to me. Yes, that number has climbed in the past few years from 1000 to 2000 to 1500. I think it's creeping down even lower this year. But the point is that it's still a high number, even at 1000. And the work itself has gotten better because of the constant grind. I have more opportunities that have taken me away from my computer. I've also logged in hours on set and in rehearsal. Before, all I was doing was writing. Now I'm writing and producing and reading more scripts and running a writers group and talking to students and teaching. The number of hours I'm logging in for paid work keeps increasing, so that's what's ultimately important. I'm also making time for other productive activities.
I don't feel crushed by time these days. Maybe that's because I appreciate everything I'm able to do. Even if I don't get 15 pages done a day, it's fine. And comparing myself every day to my most productive days is ridiculous. I make time every day for the work. And sometimes a lot of it gets done. Other times less gets done. But I'm at it EVERY DAY, which means that a less productive day is still okay.
I've got plans for November and December. And because I'm working every day, they seem more doable. Today I'm taking time to get caught up on other work and to read. And I'll get back to the work tomorrow. I'm not worried that time is running out. I know that it's on my side and I've got all the time in the world as long as I use it.
My intention is stillness.
My intention is growth.
My intention is compassion.
I am grateful for the past seven years.
I am grateful for my own personal growth.
I am grateful for the people in my life now.
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