Tastemaker

I remember being a kid and feeling like nothing I did fit in to anything going on around me. I loved TV guest stars and the Fall Preview of TV Guide and Barbra Streisand and the artists Marcel Duchamp and ManRay and the band Lone Justice. I was a strange little kid who didn't live in a world of his design.

I walked into the Coach store at my local outlet last week. Or what I thought was the Coach store - it was actually a pop up store for the entire Coach x Keith Haring collection. I thought I had walked into my childhood and I didn't understand why the whole world hadn't wiped out the store since everything was 70% off. I went another time last week to exchange something and then again this morning at 5 AM for Black Friday. The store was still pretty much intact. But that says everything about the world I live in and the world that everyone else lives in. I thought it was kind of amazing that the store wasn't ransacked. The first time I went in the store, I talked off the ears of all the employees because I couldn't believe it. I bought Christmas gifts there for everyone on my list. 

That kind of says everything about my life. The world and I are not always in sync. When I walked by the main Coach store at 5 AM, there was a line to get in. Yes, the whole store was 70% off, which is amazing. But the quality of some of the stuff there was not as good as what I got. There's a wallet there that is a version of something I bought six months ago for $40. The version they had was a bad copy of the same design - I'm assuming they couldn't use the exact same design because they didn't want to do a reissue. Anyway, that's neither here nor there - except it is.

I became a writer so that I could rewrite things that happened in my life exactly the way I wanted them to be. I'm doing that right now with a play I wrote that I'm producing with my theatre company. I wrote a play I wanted to write in the style I wanted about my family. I finally wrote a play that represents me in every way. And now I have a theatre company that wants to produce it - and because I'm a member of that company, I can have control of the vision of the play along with my director. But I have a voice.

I'm working with two producers on a project right now that I find very exciting. A producer brought me an idea for her to be in. This is someone I've worked with before and who I like very much. I took that idea and expanded it. She and her producing partner loved it. I worked on it more - and the expansion seems to be something everyone likes. We had a conversation earlier this week about the project. That conversation led into another conversation about the kind of room we'd want. And the kind of production we'd want. 

A lot of people believe you have to visualize something in order to manifest it. Visualize and manifest are big words out here in Hollywood. 

As we were talking, we started discussing our philosophy of having people of color and women as a mainstay of the production on every level. And our commitment to mentorship. I have to say that I haven't heard a producer talk that way before. At least not someone I had direct contact with. I've heard Ava Duvernay say it and Ryan Murphy and Jill Soloway. But I haven't had someone I work for say that to me. It was said to me in a meeting on a show that I really wanted to staff on by someone who walks the walk. 

I realized as we were talking that everything this producer was saying was everything I believe in. This led me to something that happened two years ago. I met for a job as a literary manager at a theatre in Portland. And I convinced myself that this job would be good for me because I would be a tastemaker. I could help other people of color get their voices heard in the theatre as an advocate. The truth was that I really didn't want to be an advocate in this way. I wanted a job and I was trying to convince myself that I was okay with it. But of course my heart wasn't in it and I didn't get the job. The best thing that happened was that I spoke the truth about who I am. And they didn't want it. It was the first time that I was made aware that I brought my full self to the table and it got flatly rejected - so that must mean that they are a wrong fit. I used to think that everything I didn't get would have made my life worlds better and that I fucked up by not getting it. I got a bad vibe half way through the interview process, which was a whole day of interviews. I knew they didn't want me and that I was getting a trip to Portland out of the deal. 

But that world TASTEMAKER stuck in my head. Then I got my first TV writing job six months later. And then I was asked to join a theatre company. And that made me a tastemaker because I'm given some decision making ability in choosing writers we put in our writers group and projects that we do. Then because of working on the show for two years, I met this actress who started a production company and wants me to develop the project that she'd star in for this company. And then I would have a real opportunity to affect change and be a tastemaker. So the goal was for me to be a tastemaker and once that goal showed itself, there were better ways the Universe was going to make me a Tastemaker.

But that's the world I want to live in. The world where I am hiring other people of color in my Writers Room. I am giving an opportunity to someone who has never been in a room - just like the opportunity I was given. I want gay people in that room. I want women and people of color in that room. I want a white guy in that room to witness how this operates and to go back and run his own rooms that way when his time comes. I want everyone to run rooms this way when their times come. That's the world I want to live in. 

I know that I want a Paleo option on every menu we order from. I know that I want Le Croix in the fridge and Larabars and couches. I know what time I want to start and what time I want to end. I know the kind of schedule I want to keep. I know the kind of showrunner I want to be. I want a room and an experience that reflects my taste. 

I want to be a Tastemaker in Film and TV as well as Theatre.

My intention is to be a Tastemaker.

My intention is to stand firm in who I am.

My intention is to collaborate.

My intention is to inspire.

My intention is to do the work.

I am grateful for real collaborators whose values reflect my own.

I am grateful for the appreciation I'm being shown.

I am grateful for the open heartedness.

I am grateful for the care being taken.

I am grateful for true friendships in and out of Hollywood.

I am grateful for love and compassion.