Jobs

I just got hired on a web series. That is fantastic news. I started thinking about having two jobs. I'm teaching this term as well and I'm fortunate that those two things are not in conflict with one another. Then I thought about the pilot I'm rewriting. That's a third job. And a play I'm finishing. That's a fourth job. And the play I have to rewrite for a rewrite for a reading in April. That's a fifth job. And I'm looking for new representation. That's a sixth job. And there might be a couple of other play things going on this year, so those might be a seventh and eighth job.

I have to really think about all of these as jobs. Some of them don't pay. Or not yet. I'm writing scripts to get things produced or for more staffing opportunities. I remember something my grief counselor said to me three years ago, after my Dad died. He said that writing was my job. I was a working writer despite not getting paid for it yet. Because it's what I spent my time doing. I dedicated time and space to writing every day. I'm at the library right now working: my mobile office. Yes, I am getting paid to be on staff on this show. And I'm taking time to enjoy that feeling before the work begins. But I've been working in offices that I've paid for. I've been dedicating time and making sacrifices for my work, for my jobs.

That's the switch that has gone off. These are all jobs that I have. And I have to take them seriously. All of these jobs will eventually lead to money. Some of them already have and that's another boost I've needed. It motivates me to work harder and to keep my butt in the chair. It has made the visualization easier because it makes the vision clearer. And that makes my motivation and my intention stronger. And it brings opportunity with greater velocity. It's momentum.

Now I've got to get to work.

I am grateful for my new staff job.
I am grateful for my teaching.
I am grateful for my new pilot script.
I am grateful that I outlined it so quickly.
I am grateful for the pilot script I wrote before that.
I am grateful for the play I am writing now.
I am grateful for the support of all the writers groups and organizations that have given me a place to present my work.
I am grateful for the support of family and friends.
I am grateful for the actors, director, assistant director, dramaturg and producers who gave me the opportunity to present new work last year.
I am grateful for every page I've written and every page I'm writing and about to write.
I am grateful for the clarity of vision that got me here.

Next Level Stillness

I consider myself a productive person. Everyone in my life would hopefully tell you the same thing about me. I like to have things to do, to fill my time. My history tells me that being busy and productive means that I'm working hard. If I'm just kicking back, letting things kind of happen then I'm not putting the work and energy into my goal. I've done a lot of work over the past few years towards being more still. That has meant just living a quieter life. I started by just being quieter. I start my mornings in as much silence as possible. I meditate. I do all of the things that are supposed to make me calmer. I don't drink coffee any more. I try to regulate my sugar intake to make me less jittery. I'm still loud, that hasn't changed.

I realize that calmness is not the same as stillness. I can still have a fire and be still. I can still have focus and energy and be still. My friend Susan told me a few weeks ago a story about keeping my launch pad clear. That metaphor has really spoken to me. Today I realize how that image of keeping my launch pad clear is related to stillness. Clutter is visual noise. If I keep adding things to a clean launch pad, then my rocket still can't take off.

For me that is Next Level Stillness. De-cluttering my life. I did my cleanse last month and in the process of that physical cleanse came a spiritual one. I got rid of a partner that was cluttering up my launch pad. He didn't know it. I didn't know it. But when he was gone, I had a clearer perspective. I have more time to devote to my work: that will make me more desirable to an employer and to an opportunity. The playwriting class I'm teaching is only seven students this semester. That's all I need. The students who dropped out allowed me to focus more attention on the seven students I do have. It's all de-cluttering.

I have been practicing getting things done as a way of de-cluttering. There are some opportunities on the table and I am clearing my plate so that those opportunities have the chance to land and so I have the chance to take off. So yes, I have given myself this Year of Challenges and I filled the plate up. I also know that if something needs to be put on hold in order for something to land, then that's fine. It's all about flight patterns. Maybe something else needs to circle for a bit so that the opportunity I need can land. I'm only handling one thing at a time.

I have a play reading in April that I need to do a rewrite for. And it feels great to have things in the docket. But if I have to postpone that reading so that a job can so that a job can land, then I'm all for kicking the reading down the road a bit longer. I have a production that I want to happen this year. I need to make room for that as well.

I don't have to do everything at once. If I'm obsessed with teaching, then I'm not making time for other things. My approach to teaching this time around is to do the work I need to do and to place limits on my time and commitment. I used to think that meant I didn't care, that somehow doing five times the work that was being asked of me was somehow noble. In reality, sometimes if I'm done done with that job, then I can't invite another opportunity. I have an opportunity coming up that I intend on making room for. And it's an opportunity that's easily manageable with my teaching schedule without compromising anything. But I can't do that and teaching (two jobs that pay) and finish the play and finish the outline. Something will get compromised. So it's fine that if the thing that gets compromised is the play or the outline. But if I get the play and the outline finished or near completion so that I can finish it and then be ready to start another gig, that's really where I want to be.

That's why I've been working so hard to get these other things off my plate. They are also opportunities that can lead somewhere that I want to take advantage of. I'm working towards paying jobs this year, so the things that can most quickly and directly lead to that are where my focus is right now. I feel so good about the ideas happening around the play and the pilot. I feel good about the skill that I'm building as an idea generator as well, which is the skill I'll need the most in taking on a writing gig. I've got the productivity down. I've got the writing down. And now I have the idea generating down. These are all skills that I'm building on. I'm putting the energy out there that's alerting the Universe that I want these opportunities by preparing for the job that I want.

It's this stillness that I've been building that has allowed me this focus. It starts from giving up caffeine five years ago and it leads directly and incrementally to starting a new job.

I am grateful for the ability to connect the dots.
I am grateful for the stillness and clarity I've been able to bring into my life.
I am grateful for deliberate and conscious thoughts and actions.
I am grateful for my friends who inspire the go-getter in me.
I am grateful for the grace to know what's my business and what is not my business.
I am grateful for the continual practice of decluttering.

The Year of Challenges: February Report

As I've mentioned, I've given myself a year of Challenges to accomplish. Last month, it was rewriting my pilot script. This month it's finishing my new play. It's the end of the first week of February and I've finished Act One.  Admittedly, I only probably had 18 or so pages to write to finish the end of the Act. But on Monday, Feb 1st I didn't even know what the end of Act One would be. I didn't know how close I was to the end of the act. So now I'm ready to start Act Two. I know where I want it to start. I know where I want it to end (I think). So now I need to figure out how we get there.

Here's the new challenge. I worked on both projects this week. Act One of the play is 76 pages. Act Two will probably be another 50-60 pages. That's not a small play. That's a two and a half hour play with intermission. Listen, not every play can be 90 minutes no intermission. I love those plays. I've written one or two plays like that. Four characters, no intermission. But my last couple plays have been long. And this story is actually two plays I'm thinking. So indulgent.

Okay, that's not the challenge I was talking about. I finished Act One this week. I also got notes on my pilot rewrite. I worked on those notes last night. I'm at the place where I'm ready to start Act Two of the play and the new outline for the pilot. I'm thinking that I'm going to have a rewrite of the pilot done at the end of February. That will be my second Challenge of the month. Is this year turning out to be even more productive than I thought?

Not like focusing on one writing project a month isn't ambitious. But last month I rewrote the pilot. I also did my cleanse. I did very minimal work on the play. This month I'm going to finish the play and finish the pilot rewrite. Next month…

Okay, let's not spike expectations just yet. I need to figure out how to prioritize. That's the overall challenge this month. The main challenge has always been to finish the play. Let's finish the play this week! I'm still percolating on the new scenes of the pilot and how to rearrange some plot points. I need time to think on that. But I'm motivated to get it done sooner rather than later. So let's get that nuts and bolts planning shit done this week while I prep to write the pilot in the last two weeks of the month.

Okay, that's a plan.

I am grateful for friendships with writers.
I am grateful for smart, talented actors.
I am grateful for friends who send me job opportunities.
I am grateful for friends who put me up for jobs.
I am grateful for all the spinning I've been doing this week.

The Year of Challenges: January Recap

2016 has been set to be my Year of Challenges. How true that has ended up being.

When I said Year of Challenges, I meant that I would take the format of my Playwriting and TV Pilot Challenges of writing a play or pilot, respectively, in a month and apply it to a different challenge every month.

I ended up having to deal with a break up as well. There's a challenge for you.

So January became a month of new beginnings, of taking care of myself and of proving that a break up wasn't going to define me this month or this year. I needed to set a personal tone for myself for 2016. And that included getting a pilot rewritten.

The official challenge was to "rewrite something you wrote last year." And I did. I wrote 61 pages. A new draft of a drama pilot. That's exciting. I've also focused on clearing the path for things to come into my life this year. I obviously did that by ending my relationship. But I also have done that by getting this pilot off of my docket. I have another script, a play I started last year, to write in February.

I also had two other challenges I accomplished last month, I stayed sober and went vegan for the month. I kept it up even after breaking up two days after I started those challenges. I needed to know for myself that I could take care of myself during rough times instead of doing things that were self-destructive.

This month I'm just going to give myself the Challenge of writing a new play. That seems to be enough, given the subject matter.

I am grateful for challenges.
I am grateful that I got through January.
I am grateful that life keeps moving forward.

Managing

Ask me how I am these days and I'll say I'm managing. Yes, I just went through a break up two weeks ago and my emotions are up and down. But I don't mean that I'm hanging in there. I mean that I'm juggling a lot of stuff right now. It feels good to be busy. I am the manager of my life.

I started teaching this week. I have seven students in my Playwriting class at SDSU. That's pretty amazing. It feels good to get back in the classroom. I enjoy sitting around and talking creativity with a bunch of students. We sat around for the first class yesterday and I went into my schpiel about what the class entails. I couldn't believe I was able to talk that much for that long. I think I kept the energy up and kept things interesting.

Today, I spent all day coming up with my lesson plans for all the classes I'm teaching. I kind of couldn't help myself. I'm trying to create room for other things to come into my life by having all of my teaching plans settled. It means, again, that I am clearing the launch pad. Making room for the things that need to come into my life. I went through each week and realized that I have a pretty good plan for how this class is supposed to work. I have a pretty good sense of organization.

I have another project I'm working on: the play rewrite challenge. I'm going to finish the play I started in February. And in order to get that going, I probably have to have the pilot I'm working on now off my plate. That has been hard. I've been really interested in the ideas and themes of the pilot, but it has taken me awhile to wrap my head around what to change. I think I'm closer, but I need to find time to write the thing. And honestly, I think I'm dragging my feet because there are a few things I still need to figure out. Also, I know I can bang out that pilot in three days, once I know where I'm going.

I've been looking for new representation as well. My material is out to some people. I sent it out and I'm kind of forgetting about it. I'm just letting things be right now because I'm so busy. Yes, I want things to happen yesterday. But I've got to focus on what is in front of me. And there's plenty to focus on in that arena.

I'm feeling incredibly busy, productive and useful. Maybe that's a distraction from the break up. But at least it's keeping me moving.

I am grateful for all of the activity in my life.
I am grateful for the fun I'm having.
I am grateful for the friends who have rallied around me.
I am grateful for the fact that things are looking up.
I am grateful that I'm not spending my weekend at a music conference this year.
I am grateful that the sky's the limit.

The Rocket Ship

My friend Susan talks about the Rocket Ship. You know the one. That ship that's waiting to take us into the stratosphere, the place beyond the stars that we've been dreaming of our whole lives. The place where our dreams are actualized and where we can become the full realization of ourselves. But in order for that rocket ship to take off, it needs to have a clear launching pad free of clutter. If it doesn't have a place to take off, it can't take us to the places we need to go.

This week my launching pad got a major clean up. The relationship that occupied so much of my time and that was so rife with struggle and love and devotion and challenges ended. I didn't know this rocket ship was waiting to take off. I don't know how long it has been waiting to take off. I might not have even known there was a launching pad. But once the clutter was cleared away, there it was…waiting. It looks so beautiful there waiting for me, waiting for the rocket ship to be brought to it. Waiting for me to climb in that rocket ship and take off. I have to be careful and remember that now once it's cleared, I don't need to clutter it with anything.

My whole life I have believed that I am nothing without someone there to support me and hold me up. I have always believed that I needed someone else to go before me and forge the road ahead. I didn't have confidence that I could be leading the pack. Last year, I learned some things about myself. I learned that I can have a voice and speak up and stand up for what I believe in when it comes to my work and I won't be punished or reprimanded for it. I'll actually be rewarded. I can't be the leader, the head, the show runner, the producer I want to be without that information. I learned to trust my instinct. I learned that I can stand alone. I can't be the human being, the leader, the forecaster, the friend I want to be without that information. I can't be the person I am meant to be without that information and last year I got that information. I can act on that information.

I can be the only passenger in that rocket ship. I can visit other travelers and come together. I can be in community with them. But I don't need them to propel that rocket ship. I don't mean that in a selfish, egotistical way. I mean that in the way that I am enough. It's hard to know that. It's hard to believe that on a consistent basis. I struggle with that constantly. But that's the information I finally understood last year.

I have worked hard for a long time. I have been dedicated to my craft and excited by it for a long time. Two years ago, I embarked on a journey. I decided to just sit down and write. I would always sit down and write, but sitting down and writing meant something different after my Dad died. This was the first time I was able to write about death. I had an idea about a play about someone surviving someone's death. So I wrote. And then at the end of that period where I vomited out a 119 page draft of an overlong, overwrought play, I had an idea for something I wanted to write and I wrote that the next month. Then the energy of that propelled me forward into a month where I had to rewrite the pilot and the play and write something new. I kept going after challenge after challenge, mainly finishing early drafts of each project. Eventually, that work led to an office. At the end of that year, I wrote five scripts and about 1000 pages. I called that the year of Productivity. I churned stuff out at a quick pace.

The following year, I had one big project take up most of the year from January to September. There I learned what it takes to really hone something down and how to be relentless. I don't think I've ever worked on something that consistently for nine months straight. Even when I wanted to stop, I couldn't stop. I worked on one thing most of that year and really learned the craft of honing and refining. By the time September came around, I knew I had to work on something else to feel productive. I wrote a new pilot. Then I rewrote another pilot and now that pilot is done. I ended the year with three scripts done, a fourth in the works, and 2000 pages written. Last year felt like a year where my productivity few into refinement. Those are the two scripts I'm now sending out to people. But the scripts really felt like a result of the work that I had been doing on a creative level. That process was really about me standing on my own. And the pilot made me feel like I could write something sharp and fun and hit the notes I needed to hit.

I didn't know that standing on my own in my work would lead me to standing on my own in my life. And that confidence needs to carry me through this next phase. I've accelerated the pace with this year, The Year of Challenges, with a new challenge every month. It feels like even though I didn't know it, I am preparing for the rocket ship to take off. Now with my new single status, I see that my trust in myself has led me here. And that this is exactly where I need to be. Now that I have been able to stand up for myself in my work, I need to stand up for myself in my life. The next challenge will be to choose new work partners to engage with. And I have to be just as strong to go with my instinct and to not go with someone unless I truly believe in them. Everything that has come before has prepared me for that. And that's the only way the rocket ship will be clear for take off.

I am grateful for all the knowledge.
I am grateful for the ability to connect the dots.
I am grateful for the cleansing experience I'm having with my month of sobriety.
I am grateful for the clarity I'm having.

Resistance Training

One of my favorite Inspiration Books is The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. His follow up, Turning Pro is also very good and a deepening of his message. The big concept in that book is Resistance, the force that creeps up when we're trying to achieve something worthwhile. Resistance takes a lot of forms: negative thought, distraction, anger, insecurity, sex, money, instant gratification. And the force of Resistance seems to be the strongest when we're really close to achieving something. That's when it's at its zenith.

As I was writing my last blog post, I wrote down a phrase: Resistance Training. I love resistance training in the context of exercise. You're using oppositional force in order to strengthen your muscles. I think this concept also applies to Pressfield's definition of Resistance. You have to have an awareness of that opposition in order to fight against it. And every time you fight against it and succeed, you come on stronger. So that the Resistance has to be even greater in order for you to continue to grow. So maybe the Resistance seemed less earlier in your life because you hadn't achieved as much. But the the more you achieve, the greater the force of Resistance gets. Every time you overcome Resistance, that force has to become stronger so that it's a challenge. If you're exercising, you're not going to do the same amount of weight forever because you wouldn't be getting anything out of it. It stops being effective. And if it gets too easy and you're bored, you stop doing it. That's actually where Resistance can also strike. If you're not engaged and you don't have to push, you stop pushing and Resistance wins because you gave up.

It's so easy to see Resistance as this immovable force and this pain in the ass. But it's also what forces growth. There are people who say that their greatest teachers have been the ones who have hurt them the most. In Kabbalah, they talk about how people who challenge you teach you the most and that's actually the purpose of spiritual relationships.

I'm trying to adopt a philosophy of wanting to be challenged. It's why I've given myself at least one new challenge a month this year. Those challenges will change. Those challenges won't always be about writing. But they'll be about growth. My three Challenges this month are:

• Rewrite something I wrote last year.
• Go vegan and sober.
• Find new representation.

And I'm taking steps to make that happen. I am:

• Writing every day.
• Looking at the original script. Taking notes.
• Researching and reading books on the topic.
• Eating oatmeal every morning.
• Taking psyllium husk every morning.
• Cooking.
• Drinking lots of water and teas.
• Sending out my material to potential reps.
• Emailing contacts that might have referrals for me.
• Meeting up with people.
• Reaching it out, even it it feels uncomfortable.
• Starting the day quiet.
• Ending the day quiet.

Resistance will always be there. And I have to push against it instead of letting it overpower me. But it has and will continue to make me stronger and better. And if I put more Challenges in front of me, more opportunities for growth, then I will grow faster and stronger than I would have without those Challenges. Building muscles means that you're in a constant state of soreness. But that also means you're working hard.

I am grateful for Hard Work.

I am grateful for Spiritual Growth.

I am grateful for this blog.

I am grateful for good ginger tea.

I am grateful for vegan tacos.

I am grateful for the abundance of love in my life.