I had a big challenge this month. I had three projects that were coming up due. I thought I had worked hard all year, up to this point. I had finished a new play that was 118 pages, complete with 30 pages of monologues and lots of heartfelt, heart-wrenching story. It was emotional. It was full. It was LONG. And I had written it in roughly 30 days.
Then I was conflicted about what I would write next. When you're a writer in LA, the TV and film industry cast a shadow. Actually, this is exactly what I want to be doing, but I've also been writing plays and focused on being happy. I had been down that road before and it left me unemployed with plenty of anxiety. However, I knew I want to write a pilot and I actually thought it would be a comedy. But my idea for a comedy pilot didn't seem all that inspired. So I decided that I would write a family drama, something I had been thinking about for a while. I wrote the series bible in a week. I had lots of ideas for stories. And then I outlined the pilot and wrote it in a week. Then I put that down.
In the meantime, I found out that Sundance was doing a TV lab. Then EVERYONE I knew found out about it and applied. I knew I had to get back to the pilot, but then an opportunity to work and make money came to me.
So in April I worked. I tried to concentrate heavily on the play (which would have a reading in May) and the pilot (the Sundance deadline was May 15), but my work was paying me and keeping me extremely busy. As May was approaching, I knew that I would have these two projects to work on. That's a lot of work. Two projects in 18 days.
But then I saw that the Warner Bros, ABC and NBC deadlines were coming up as well. They all require a spec of a show that's on the air. I haven't written a spec in two years, maybe. Or three. I also knew that writing a spec has no relevance except for these contests. Would I do it? More importantly, could I do it with all of my deadlines coming up.
Three scripts in a month? That's crazy. Seriously. That is crazy.
But already I started writing this pilot in order to have another sample for the Humanitas Prize should I be asked. I knew that it could be useful for staffing or for agents, should I be asked. And then another Latino Writers prize came into my view as well. So I thought…well, this could all be good for me. The Universe is trying to tell me something. I decided to go for it.
But it wasn't that simple. First of all, how would I get all of that done without pissing off everyone in my life? I decided I needed to get away and do a writer's retreat, which I have documented on this blog. And that worked out because I had friends who were offering me their spaces to get away. I had just done a lot of work on my car and felt like I needed to put that spent money to good use by getting in my car and driving somewhere.
Since I wrote about it extensively on the blog already, I'll cut to the chase. I got the pilot done. I got the play done. It was crazy and my deadlines were ridiculous. But I got it done. And on Sunday night, after my play reading and I was doing a vodka shot with my fellow writers, I thought…
I have one more script left. To write in 12 days. But I feel so much lighter with both of those scripts done…OKAY, let's keep going.
During those first 18 days in May, I doubted myself constantly. I thought I was CRAZY for trying to get all of that done. I didn't want to sacrifice the quality of any of the three projects. But I decided that I would do away with my need to be good. I would work hard and accomplish my goal of getting three scripts done. This would be a lesson in hard work and fast writing. That was my only expectation of myself. Funny thing about a deadline…
I like the work I did. I think I pulled things out of myself that I needed to. If I was worried about whether or not it was "good writing", I would have held back and censored myself. I just wanted to get it done and have it make sense. I was worried about finishing, so any thoughts about pleasing anyone just fell by the waist side. I didn't have time to worry about how other people would receive it, I just had to make myself happy. That's all I had time for.
And even Saturday night/Sunday morning, I was cursing myself for getting this play done. I felt tapped out. I had a writer drop out last minute. I didn't have any time to stress out. I just had to get the work done in front of my and not embarrass myself. I thought about the actors more than anyone and my peers. I knew that the work being presented was good. And I didn't want to be the jackass that dragged down the ship. I did not want to be the weakest link. So I pushed and succeeded.
Now that I have this last script to finish, my goal is to finish what I started. I sometimes struggle with being a good finisher. So this is my lesson in that. I know I can do it. I feel like I am on my third marathon in a row. So, yes, I am tired. My brain is mush. My body aches. I am running on fumes and I am on pure adrenaline and drive. I am not refreshed or rested. This is exactly what I would be feeling if I were running my third marathon in a row. Now it's about pushing. It's about getting to the finish line a third time. And even though I'm sore all over, I am well trained. I have been putting in this work for a long time now and my body and mind are conditioned. I've got the burden of the other two behind me and now I am ready to sprint to the finish line. Because a weird euphoria has set in…call it delusion. That's okay. I don't think it's an insult. I'm in a state of bliss and half-awakeness.
This is happening. It's really happening. And I have to finish before I leave on my trip next Friday. So I have eight days. Seriously, eight days.
But I just did this six days ago. And I did it again three days ago. So I'll do it again in eight days from now.
All right. This is my life. I'm okay with that.
I am grateful that I got the first two done.
I am grateful for stamina.
I am grateful for determination.
I am grateful that I can still stand.
I am grateful for the philosophy of Treat Yo Self.
I am grateful for great dinners and great conversations and great affection.
I am grateful that people keep coming back into my life.
I am grateful to share in my friends accomplishments.
I am grateful for blurry eyes.
I am grateful for Korean spas.
I am grateful for old snoring men.
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