The Wilderness

This is a chapter from my second favorite book on inspiration by Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro.  My favorite is his first book on this subject, The War of Art.

"My Years in the Wilderness"

"In a way I was lucky that I experienced failure for so many years.  Because there were no conventional rewards, I was forced to ask myself, Why am I doing this? Am I crazy? All my friends are making money and settling down and living normal lives. What the hell am I doing? Am I nuts? What's wrong with me?

"In the end I answered the question by realizing I had no choice. I couldn't do anything else. When I tried, I got so depressed I couldn't stand it. So when I wrote yet another novel or screenplay that I couldn't sell, I had no choice but to write another after that. The truth was, I was enjoying myself. Maybe nobody liked the stuff I was doing, but I did. I was learning stuff. I was getting better.

"The work became, in its own demented way, a practice. It sustained me and sustains me still."

I am building my own practice.
This practice has a space, my office.
It has a time, usually from 9 or 10 AM until 5 or 6 PM.
It has its own ritual:
I wake up.
I don't talk to anyone for an hour - I brush my teeth, I shower, I get dressed.
I go to the office, quietly driving on the 134 to the 5.
I enter my office, turn on the light.
I get the water for my tea and turn it on.
Then I turn on my timer for 20 minutes.
I sit down and I meditate.
I say my mantra.  I sit still in one place.
The buzzer goes off.
I make my tea.
I take out my laptop and I sit down.
I take care of business.
Then when I have had enough of that:
emails, blogs, writing out my to do list for the day…
I write.

I spend my days satisfied.
I take walks if I need to.
I talk to my office mate when I need to.
I know that when I leave, I have put in a full day at the office.
This makes me feel purposeful, useful and cheerful.
I know that I have dedicated my time and my space to my practice.

I do this every day without the promise of recognition
from anyone other than myself.
I recognize the work that it takes.
I recognize the time I have given to my practice
and I work everything around that time I take.

I am able to do many things at once because of this practice.
And I don't see any start or end to the work at hand.
It's beautiful.

I am grateful to have entered the wilderness and to have come out of the wilderness.
I am grateful for every difficult event in my life that is my teacher.
I am grateful for sleep.
I am grateful for meditation.
I am grateful for days off.
I am grateful to be fully engage in a work practice.