Manifest Destiny

This new moon in Aquarius is supposed to be really important, especially since that's my sign. During these first ten days, I'm supposed to focus on the things I want for the rest of the year. Everything I do should be in service to putting out the intention of the things I want. Most people call this manifesting. When you visualize what you want, you get it. It's that simple a formula.

So what do I want? Or more importantly, what have I spent my time doing during the past few days?

• I am working on my script for my first episode of the show. I spent the past two weeks rebreaking my episode, then pitching the next episode. 
• I am writing my new pilot.
• I am teaching.
• I am connecting with elements of my past - I spoke at Career Day at my old grade school.
• I am working out.
• I am connecting with friends.

What does that say about the things I want?

• Writing will be an important part of this next year. I will be employed on another TV show this year.
• My pilot will get me work.
• I will continue to teach and be inspired by my students to push myself harder.
• I will be in better shape this year - also thinner and more cut.
• My friendships will be important to me this year. Maybe I will even travel with friends.

I am finally settling into the fact that this is my life. Being a TV writer is what I do for a living. And now that I achieved that goal, what's the bigger dream? Where do we go from here?

I think we go to a network show. I think we make real money. I think life gets bigger. I am able to put away more money and pay bills. My horoscope says to spend money on my appearance from now through February. I need to attract work and opportunity to myself. So getting a new laptop is a part of that equation. When I sit down and do work, I need to have authority. I also need a better functioning computer. But that helps my appearance. I appear successful.

I have all of the samples I need to get work. But I will continue to write and make what I have better. Writing's a big part of the year, but being in the room and learning how to produce is a bigger part of the year. I will be on set as well if I am available so I can do more on set producing. I really love doing that. The writing is terrific, but the production of something I've written is where I want to live.

My body. I struggle with my body constantly. I lost weight this year. I don't know how much because I don't weigh myself. And I get paranoid about weight for no reason. I feel like I put on some weight while being on set because what I'm eating is not what I'm used to eating. I need to go on a cleanse after my birthday. I'm going back on Whole 30. I think it will be a good reset as I venture into this next year. My chest and arms look great. Now I need to seriously trim down and lose body fat. I need to run every morning. And I need to keep strict on my way of eating. I did it before and I've lost the discipline, although I am exercising every day and have done that for the past 4 1/2 weeks.

I want to do more things with friends. But I'm feeling the real urge to travel. I usually go to SF and Portland during the year. But I want to get away. New York would be great, but I think I need to really get away somewhere. I checked out the cheap vacation destinations on some website and there are a bunch of places on that particular list I would like to go visit.

I'm single.

I have no attachments.

I want to have some fun.

My intention is open heartedness.

My intention is to work. 

My intention is to keep going.

My intention is expansion.

I am grateful for a job.

I am grateful for the ideas.

I am grateful foe the effort I put forward.

Fighting and Writing

Yesterday, Trump was sworn into office. I'm sad about that, obviously. But I'm also energized by the opportunity to fight for what I believe in. I'm excited about work that won't be seen as too political in this climate.

My favorite old sitcoms are by Norman Lear from the 1970s. They were written in an era of great social unrest and opposition to the war. We had just come out of the civil rights movements of the 1960s. They were comedies that weren't always funny. I'm starting to see that kind of work come back into vogue now with what's being done on FX by Louis CK and Donald Glover. There's a ton of stuff on TV that's in half hour form, but not always funny.

Is this the exchange - bad political climate for good art?

I don't know. But I know that I can't do anything but write about the things that surround me and concern me. I'm fighting for myself, I'm fighting for my family, I'm fighting for my future husband, I'm fighting for my niece and nephews. I am important. It's more important than ever that my voice is heard and vocal. I am a Chinese/Mexican Gay American. Those stories need to be told from the inside. Those stories need to be told authentically. And those stories need to be told only the way that I can tell them. My whole life I wanted this writing career. And now that I have it, I understand why it's important that I succeed.

Right after college, I went to Portland, OR and worked for a non-profit doing arts therapy for runaway kids. I was always compelled toward activism. But I also knew that I wanted to be a selfish, famous Hollywood writer. I didn't know how both worked. I thought that I would do the non-profit thing for awhile and then segue into the narcissistic phase of my life. I struggled because I wanted to write things that were important to me. But I also wanted to be commercial. I went back and forth a lot on how to serve both masters. The pure pursuit of fame and success felt empty. And just being a social worker or a counselor would't be satisfying to me either. No matter what sort of confusion I felt, I always went back to writing things that felt personal. That felt true. Eventually, it didn't matter if I'd make money or a living as a writer. The desire to create was unrelenting. It didn't even matter if people didn't understand what I was trying to do. Eventually, I felt they would.

I'm met with resistance a lot - who isn't? And every time I get a rejection or a "not for me", I forget about it. I move on to the next thing. As a kid, I knew I was on to something. I didn't know what. At all. But I knew that if I kept at it - actually, I hoped that if I kept at it something would happen. And now we're at this particular place in history. It feels impossible. But do you know how many impossible things I've done? I'm not supposed to be here doing this. There are too many reasons why I should have failed. And I didn't fail.

So I'm going to do what I always do. I'm going to write what I feel and respond to what's going on around me. And what's going on around me is a shitstorm. It's a tsunami avalanche earthquake car crash of a shit storm. But I'm going to put myself to work. And I'm going to speak LOUD - like I always do. And often.

Fighting and writing. That's it. Time to put the armor back on.

My intention is to speak up.
My intention to be be loud.
My intention is growth and expansion.
My intention is to focus.

I am grateful for all of the writers in our writers room.
I am grateful for working relationships.
I am grateful for late night conversations with my best friend.
I am grateful for early breakfasts with my high school best friend.
I am grateful for trips to Vancouver to see my childhood best friend.

2017 - One Week In

It's the first full weekend of the new year.
I am at a Korean Spa, trying to get work done.
Not much changes.

Except, that I just finished my first week of work as a Co-Producer on the show I worked on last year. I'm a little tired. We pushed through a ton of story this week. The room is running well. Three of us writers are returning and we've got two new additions who have brought great energy. I'm not completely destroyed the way I was after my first week on the show last year. I binged watched the first season of Fuller House because I was that brain dead and didn't want much to challenge me. This weekend, I ran my writer's group and I've been running errands and trying to get moving on this pilot rewrite.

I've been wondering why I've been so energized this time around. Maybe it's because I know what to expect. Perhaps it's because I've got more stamina this time. Maybe it's because I'm more engaged. Last year, we knew exactly what we were writing. This time around we're figuring more of it out in the room. I think some of us were scared about not knowing exactly what we were doing for the season. As the week has gone on, I realize it has made me more invested. Last time, it felt like we were being told what to do. This time it feels like we're having to figure it out together. The group think allows us to all brainstorm together. I think I prefer that.

Having another playwright in the room helps. Having another person of color in the room helps too. And then the group who worked together last year. I guess it does feel more familiar in some ways.

This is a great start to the New Year. Last year, I was in the wake of my break up. The world seemed confusing. Then everything changed for the better. This year, I 'm starting out in a much different - and better - place. I'm a working, paid professional writer and a member of the WGA. That changes things. It makes me dream bigger. But it also makes me calmer and not freaked out about what lies ahead.

Before all of the changes last year, I had adopted a different tactic. I was going to let things happen as they needed to. I wasn't going to worry. I had resolved myself to the idea that my career might not happen the way I imagined it. And regardless, I was going to write. Even if I had to take a day job. Even if I had to teach and write plays in my spare time. I was happy doing the work I had been doing. That was enough.

And then the Universe provided with more than I thought it would. This year, I'm doing the work in front of me without much thought to anything else. Yes, I'm finishing this pilot which I know will help get me the next writing gig. I'm not without a plan all together. But I'm not placing limits on what could happen. Which means I don't have time to obsess.

My intention is to work.
My intention is growth.
My intention is to do what's in front of me.

I am grateful for my writer's room.
I am grateful to be employed.
I am grateful to be a new member of the WGA.
I am grateful for new relationships.