Advice

When I'm talking do people think I'm full of shit?

I give a lot of advice. I receive a lot of advice as well. I'm not sure any of it is any good - maybe all of it is good and my judgment is off.

An upper-level TV writer I know asked to read two pilots of mine. After reading the beginnings of them - no one reads beyond the first ten if they don't have to. The only people who read beyond the first ten are friends. I once tried to get out of reading a friend's pilot after reading the first half and having real issues with it. He guilted me into reading the rest of it. Apparently, I thought I was a professional or something and tried to get away with just reading to the point where I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I don't find fault at all with this upper-level writer only reading the first ten - if that - of those pilots. Who has time? I used to read scripts for work and I would only read the first ten if I knew they were bad. Another writer - who coincidentally is about to run the show that my friend the upper-level writer is on - admitted the very same thing last week at an event I went to.

Make the first ten pages amazing - that's a piece of advice I've both given and received. I had a moment of panic the other day that I'm going to end up like a college professor I had who was a great directing teacher and a horrible director. Am I great at teaching writing, but horrible at it? Or did this writer just not respond to the material? The good news is that this writer is still a fan and wants to continue to support me. She offered to write me recommendations if I apply to any of the studio programs, which I'm thinking about doing. She also offered to read more work and she's looking for some sample pitches for me to look at for spec pilots. This is all incredibly generous of her.

And fortunately, I'm supposed to be taking another pass at a pilot I've been working on. I think the things she mentioned about my work are - for better or for worse - hallmarks. I need to make the opening of this script amazing. But I also need to make it absolutely clear what drive this character has throughout the script.

My goal is to staff on a network, cable or streaming show as soon as possible. My drive needs to be clear as well. I know that in order to do that, I have to have a great sample. I already have two plays that are strong samples. I have yet to produce a pilot that gets people excited. And maybe I also need a spec that gets people excited. I do hate the game of it all. But if you don't realize you're playing a game, you're going to get swallowed up by it.

It has taken me a long time to accept that I'm applying for a job. It does not define me as an artist or a person. It does not define my self worth. I lead a life I enjoy. I write plays I love. I have an incredible community of fellow artists around me. Being a successful TV writer will make life easier financially. It will also structure my life into a series of compromises. Everything's a trade-off. But here's what I do know.

I love production.
I love working with actors.
I love collaborating with directors.
Theatre's not enough for me.
I have to raise my voice so that it's counted among the many.

A few years ago, I gave my friend Cory a piece of advice. You have to have a pilot that has the same feeling as your plays. That's advice I can finally take. I think when I gave Cory that advice I hadn't written a play that I felt spoke in my voice. My friend Gina said to me recently - You should always write in that voice. So I think this sample I'm writing right now has to be in that voice. It has to have larger than life characters and be both funny and poignant. But my voice is also vulgar, crass and alive.

The thing about advice is that it has to resonate. I thought my friend's advice came from a place of real care. She told me that my work isn't that far off. I've got great characters and a cool world. But I need the story.

I teach at San Diego State once a week. I give my students tons of advice. I need to start taking it. I'm telling them to be patient with themselves and to not beat themselves up. I tell them that they're going to be good at one or two elements of dramatic storytelling - story, world or characters. And there will be one element it will take them awhile to grasp. 

I need to take my own advice. I need to act as if I'm giving someone advice, because I'm good at it. I've made it this far. I know I need to keep going. Our union may be going on strike. If we do, I have to use that time to create new material.

I am attending a conversation tomorrow with a showrunner/playwright who's also Latino. He's going to be there to give advice about meeting with showrunners. I am then meeting with showrunners the following week. And then I'm going to CBS to meet with executives about telling certain Latino stories. I am networking as much as I can. I have material that's going to get people interested. Now, I need the next piece of material to keep them interested. That's the key.

Here's the thing. I'm in a fine position. And I need to remember that.  I'm working with a writer/director I respect who's directing my next episode. I'm working with great people who respect me. I've got talented friends. I worked with mid level writers who I think liked working with me. I've got people who could possible recommend me for a job. I'm in the arena. I'm in the mix. I'm not tailgating or waiting to see if I get in. Or in the stands. I am in the arena on the floor. I'm actually playing. And if I'm not playing, I'm on the bench. But I'm on a fucking team. Someone said to me recently, "I'd love to be where you are." And I have to remember that.

Appreciate where you are and use that momentum to keep going. Good advice.

My intention is awareness.
My intention is patience.
My intention is stillness.
My intention is inner peace. 
My intention is appreciation.

I am grateful for friendships.
I am grateful for work relationships.
I am grateful for the generosity of people who know me.
I am grateful for people who know what I can do.

Push/Pull

Life's a balancing act.

I have this pilot I've been working on for over a year. I don't like working on things that long. I have pilots I finished in three months, in six months, even. Anything longer than that feels like it has been too long.

I once worked on a pilot for two years. It was a half hour then a one hour then a half hour again. I got so much feed back from so many people that it was messing with my productivity. I swore I would never let something take that long again. 

Well, this pilot has been in process for over a year. But that's not my fault necessarily.

I finished a draft I was happy with in February 2016 and then started work on my first season of the show I've been working on. I had the excuse that I was working. I was learning the craft of working in a writers room and writing drafts of outlines and scripts under deadline. I knew this would be useful for me - and frankly, I didn't have time to be working on five projects at once. 

I know these writers who finish up in the room and then go home and work on their next thing. I admire that. I work on weekends on other projects, but also I understand the value in sleep. I work fast, so I know I can turn something around quickly. That's why I feel like I have time for sleep when I need it. I also type 75-80 words a minute, so I know that I'm saving time that way. I know that sounds silly, but you have to figure out ways to trim the fat. And when you know your mind works just as fast as your fingers, then you know that you are saving time during the process because of your dexterity. I have friends who take longer to type things and their work takes longer to write.

I also have done a lot of work around not worrying as much and just focusing on getting the work done. That saves time.

HOWEVER - 

I'm frustrated that this pilot has taken this long. I finally was able to get back to work on this pilot - after having a full outline for at least four months - in the Fall of 2016. I did a draft, asked friends for a quick turn around in comments and got notes right away. Then I sat on it again until February of this year. I wrote a draft that my friends really liked. But I knew I had to trim a lot of fat from the first half. And that means a total rewrite. Also, during this time I had been asked back for my second season on our show. So that meant I was working again on the show, while teaching. When I got back to the script, we had wrapped our writers room.

Here's the thing - After being on our show for two years, I've learned a lot about being proficient. I truly believe it's hard to learn how to write on a show if you're not writing on a show. It's a fucked up Catch 22. I got a shot and now I'm way better equipped for the skill set it takes to write on a show. You have to write fast. Writing smart and well is taken for granted - you better come in with that already. But writing fast is the skill you need to practice all of the time. My outlines out done in a day or two. My scripts got done in a week - sometimes over night or in a couple of days because of deadlines. I'm getting better at breaking stories. 

And now I have to bring that back to my own work. I wrote a draft of the script that I felt good about soon after I got the notes from my friends. It was tighter. It was more condensed and more fun of a read. But now I'm taking this FINAL pass at it before I send it off to the powers that be. I'm coming off two pilots that didn't impress an important person in my life who has real connections to a showrunner I want to work with. So I've got that baggage I'm walking in with and trying to focus on just having a good sample.

First of all, thank God I have a new sample coming up. But it highlights that constant problem of having work you want to do and work you have to do. I am a working TV writer. I am eternally grateful for that and that's where I've wanted to be for so long. But I may not have a viable writing TV sample. I feel like I've been working so hard for so long and that it's unfair that I have to write yet another sample when so many of my samples haven't been seen by so many people. Yet I know that's the work. I want to work on a network or cable show next. I don't have a proper sample for that. 

I'm going to write a spec. And here's why:

I can turn that shit around in a month. Or less. I can get the idea, get the outline and get the thing written and rewritten in a month. I know I can do that because I've been writing in someone else's voice for two years. I know I've got that skill set. And I know my knives are sharper than they've ever been. Back in the day when I was writing specs, it took months. But that's because I had never really done that work before and everything felt incredibly precious. It all feels way less precious. I have to get the shit done. NOW. So pitching a story and coming up with my version of what the show is feels completely familiar to me because that's what I do every day. And they're EASIER to write than pilots. That's just true. I'm glad I've been writing pilots. But I prefer to write my original material in plays. I"m happy for someone to give me some ideas for pilots they'd like me to write. I'm happy to not come up with original material. I never thought I'd say that. But I'm happy to have it be a little easier. 

I want that salary. 

I used to be ashamed to think that. But now I know that it's important for me to be a big, important, influential TV writer/producer who will run several of their own shows one day. It's not important because I want to be rich and famous. It's not important because I want more money in the bank. It's not even important because I need to pay off student debt. It's important because I have finally found my voice and that voice needs to be present and LOUD. 

I wrote a play that fully expressed my voice. I haven't written a pilot that does that yet. And I don't know if I truly know how to do that yet. As the saying goes, the more you learn the more you realize the less you know. Something like that, right? And now I realize I don't know how to do this pilot thing properly yet. Am I going to finish this pilot I've been working on? Yes. Because I've committed to showing that sample. And I"m going to write the best version of that I can. 

I do know how to write specs. I do know how to write episodes of someone's TV show. That's the skill I need to exercise. I can do that well and fast. So the next sample I have will be a spec because I can turn it out quickly. It's no longer about pride. If someone wants my original voice, they should read my play. There will be showrunners who want to read a play and nothing else. There are showrunners who want to read a spec and nothing else. I can give them either. I don't need to prove that I have a voice any more. I don't need to prove that I'm worthy of writing on TV anymore. I've done both of those things with great success. I've accomplished those goals. Now the only goal is to get a job. That's it. It's simple.

I don't need to be validated. I need a job. What's the fastest route to getting a job? My next spec.

My intention is clarity.

My intention is knowledge.

My intention is forward motion.

I am grateful for the kindness of familiars.

I am grateful for the love of friendship.

I am grateful for the training I've had over the past two years.