Playing the Part of You in the Play About Your Life

I actually did this yesterday. I didn't want to, but my director insisted that I play the part of the character based on me for the first rehearsal of a workshop we're doing. And I resisted because I thought she might be trying to convince me to play the part for real. I am not an actor. There's no way I'm doing that. A few people have said that might be a great idea. And the actor playing my father was trying to convince me to do it before we started the reading. I said no to everyone. Now, you might think this lady might protest too much.

But here's what playing me in the story of me did for me yesterday. It helped me get inside the play. It helped me understand the world I was building in a way I hadn't before. It was actually an exhilarating experience if I'm being completely honest. I had a lot of fun with it. Now it's different to go from that to performance. I don't want to be in it for a variety of reasons. One being that I've got other things to do and I don't want my schedule to be tied into being in a play. But I do think the audience needs to be on this journey with someone else. I think watching me go through it every night would be rough. It also changes the dynamic of the play a lot. I like the distance created from someone else in the role. Now, it would be really hard to get that energy. But someone could study me in rehearsals. I know I've got a special energy, but that doesn't mean I should do this one man show with five friends thing.

Those things happened to me. So it all feels incredibly real. I didn't think I was acting as much as channeling and taking myself back to that time. And I could have taken myself further. But I don't necessarily want to have to go through it night after night. Let someone else do that because it's not reliving their life. They would be faking it in the best possible way. I would be reliving a difficult time in my life.

It allowed me to own parts of myself though. It allowed me to own my story and own my anger. It allowed me to own who I am. And an exercise in owning who you are is a great thing. It opened me up to being okay with who I am. And that's still something I struggle with on a daily basis. That's just the process of embodying myself.

My intention is ownership.
My intention is to value.
My intention is to lead.

I am grateful for the productivity I've experienced in the past few months. 
I am grateful for the opportunities that are being presented.
I am grateful for what is being manifested in my life.