Purity

I am on a mini-juice cleanse.

What does that mean?  It means that I am drinking juices made with kale, spinach, cilantro, cucumber, celery, ginger and lemon.  And another made with spinach, pineapple, cilantro and celery.  It also means that I am probably going to be very cranky later.

But it's all apart of the detox that I have been undergoing over the past three years.  It's also symbolic.  As artists, we reinvent ourselves.  Or we should.  Everyone else can be static, but what's the point if you're an artist?  It's about evolving every day.  It's about experimentation.  It's about figuring out what works, adding it in and taking away the things you don't like.  Kind of like a Greens juice.

What's bitter?
What's sweet?
What's tart?
What's off putting?

Oh, yes. It's all a symbol for changes in life.  I've also been running a lot lately, sometimes twice a day. I was walking back from a run this morning and I ran into my friend Amanda who, when I told her I was also on a juice cleanse, said that I didn't need to lose weight.  Los Angeles: it is all about losing weight, isn't it?  And that was a very sweet thing for her to say. But it's not about losing weight, although as a metaphor there is a lot that I'm hanging onto that I don't need any more.

I have done three or four cleanses in the past few years and each time I do them it is only partially about the physical.  It really is about letting go of the dead skin, the fat and the weight of a life I'm not living any more.  I am taking the things out that I don't need any more.  It's like cleaning one's closet.  I'm freshening my closet.

All of these metaphors!

I gave up caffeine two and a half years ago because I didn't like the way my body felt.  I didn't like the up and down.  I didn't like depending on something to give me a reason to get up out of bed.  I felt like I was being forced out of bed by forces against my will.  It was like another force was making me live a certain life.  And I got rid of that.  So now I can be guided by my own body's natural impulses.  The caffeine, for me, was all about instinct.  I live more according to my instinct.  Although now I have a bit more of a sugar craving than I used to.  But sugar was never my drug.  I can manage that.  And when it's good, it's real good.  Like opium.  And I haven't needed to do that since I was nineteen.  I only did it once.

I am too heavy weight-ise these days.  Again, it's not vanity--not entirely.  It's always about vanity on some level, but it's about what I need and what I don't need.  I feel like I am on this journey to find my purest self.  And my purist self.

My tarot cards say I am on a spiritual path.  And that I need to see money as energy, not as corruption.  That's why I'm blocking it.

Fortunately, my spiritual path is on tandem with my creative path, which is why it's so enjoyable for me to explore.  I can explore my spirituality and my quest for deeper meaning through my creative work.  That is what has always driven me more than money for the sake of acquisition.

I'm not trying to paint myself as some sort of yogi.  I grew up watching the fashion shows on TV and I follow the current collections.  I know the designers.  I just went to a documentary about Carine Roitfeld last weekend.  She's the former editor in chief of French Vogue.  I love myself some material goods. I love the craftsmanship and I appreciate that the discussion around fashion is elite.  But the fashion world runs on democracy.  Fashion, like art, should be for the masses.  Its aspiration is what makes it such a fantasy, but really it is for everyone.  So even in my fascination with fashion, I geek out on the craftsmanship.

But that's why just making money hasn't worked for me.  I admit that I block it. I know that now.  The greed and the conspicious consumption are a turn off.  But money IS energy.  It's not just power.  But it's energy towards a pursuit.  And that is an idea I can get on board with.  Money not only opens doors, but it gives energy to the thing you want.  That's why artistic commissions are important.  That's also why getting paid big money in television is important.  It's an indication that you are creating something for the masses.  That's a lot of energy.  Hence, a lot of money.

Again, it comes back to purity.  What do I need?  What is essential to me?  Finding what is essential does not just mean paring down.  Making smaller.  It can be expansive.  It's essential to have peace.  It's essential to have kindness.  It's essential to love.  It's essential to give.  Those are all big things.  Peace, kindness, love and generosity should not be small endeavors.  They need to be huge.  And they're essential.

I'm probably getting off track.  But that's all right.  It just means I'm on track.  And just drinking green juices and water today.  Is that what happens when you strip everything else away?

I like it.