I read this on HowlRound. If you haven't checked it out, it's a great blog/website for playwrights to connect and for all people who are creating new work for the theatre. It feels relevant. It feels like a Town Hall meeting. It feels like community.
I went back to pursuing my theatre work after a lot of time trying to break into TV because I was looking for a community. That didn't mean that I was trading one for the other. I believe they both have incredible purpose in my life. But I needed a place where I could come and just chat with other folks about art.
In my former capacity in TV development, I went to the Humana Festival at the Actors Theatre of Louisville every year. My boss through a huge party every year and I felt like I was the Babe to his Bill (the Paleys...Google them). But I would go to those plays and feel an incredible sense of being on the outside looking in. I would have the best conversations about art and theatre, but I would only have them for one or two weekends a year. My life took me in a direction away from that and by that time I was already back to writing plays on more of a regular basis. While I was really focused on TV, I was writing a new play every other year. That might seem like enough for a lot of folks. And it really does take years to develop a new play. But I wanted to be working on multiple projects because I always get tired of something and need a distraction. What better distraction than another play you had put down awhile ago and are ready to pick up again?
When I had enough material, I started submitting my plays again. I got as far as being a finalist for the O'Neill a couple of years ago. And that was terrific. I was a semi-finalist for a couple of other things. I have had play readings around town and nationally. But it's still kind of an occasional thing. Last year, I had an idea for a new play and while we were rehearsing it for a reading I was having, my best friend who is a TV actress said, "Let's produce this!"
I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine a couple of years ago who works for a big foundation that gives money to the theatre. After many unsuccessful attempts to get my play into an annual theatre lab, he said that I should think about self-producing. I was pissed! Fuck you! I felt like if there's nothing that he can do for someone like me, who has been a professional colleague and an "emerging playwright", then what the fuck is he and his organization doing? I was clearly taking it personally. But it also felt like there was no place for writers, with great pedigrees and education, but with no presence (yet) to get started. The other explanation was that my plays suck eggs. I don't think that's the case.
But when Alanna said that she wanted to produce the play, I thought that was a great idea. I wanted more control over how my work is presented. I don't want to wait around for someone with a checkbook or a place of position to anoint me. Although, that's exactly what I had been doing. I was giving up my power and then not feeling worthy. We're still working on producing the play because these things take time. But I feel empowered. And I'd love to do more of it.
So I read this article on HowlRound this morning and thought it was great. It speaks to how I'm feeling about the self-producing thing. And it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm a part of a community.
http://howlround.com/on-becoming-a-playwright-producer
Monday, October 7, 2013
Cowboys and Kushner
Yesterday, I got to hear one of my literary heroes talk: Tony Kushner. USC does this Vision and Voices series, where they feature people in the arts. I read Angels in America as a college student and have taught it in my Playwriting class. It's interesting because it's this huge massive epic of a play (actually it's two plays), which seems like a lot to ask of 20 year old college students. Especially ones who haven't read many plays or written any plays before. And I only taught the first play, Millennium Approaches. But it was a play that was essential to my development as a writer and as a person. I remember sitting in the theatre in New York and watching this 3 1/2 hour play and thinking, "Wow. This is the first play I've seen in my life time that is making theatre history." I was 21 at the time.
So when my friends Tim and Drew told me they were going to hear him speak, I had to tag along. I was prepared for a boring Q & A. But I didn't care. I wanted to just drink from the fountain, you know? But it wasn't that at all. The conversation was all over the place and Kushner is just so fucking brilliant that it doesn't matter what they talk about because it will always come back to humanity, politics, art and culture. A lot of the conversation was about writing Lincoln, the screenplay for the fantastic film that Steven Spielberg directed. And both Lincoln and Angels share something important. Both works take something incredibly heady and leave it incredibly heady, but make it entertaining. That's why I love Kushner. I'm not that heady on a daily basis. I'm more interested in popular culture, although I do read and I have thought about things. I'm not all about "Real Housewives" franchises (including spin-offs). But that key of having something to say and having a story to tell is where I live as a writer.
After the Kushner event, Tim, Drew and I went to meet their friends Amy and Ryan at a restaurant called Cowboys and Turbans in Silverlake. I was stuck in traffic, so they were all already there before me. It seemed like a friendly bunch. And it was a good group of creative types, so I felt comfortable. Then someone mentioned someone waving around a gun at people in the West Village in New York City.
"In the West Village, of all places," Drew remarked.
"Must have been Annie Liebowitz," I said, referencing a famous photographer.
"Chasing around Duane Michaels," Tim said, referencing another famous photographer.
My people! If I felt a little ill-at-ease with four friends who all knew each other well, this put me right at ease.
Then after we established that I was a playwright and we chatted about that a bit to bring me more into the conversation (which was so considerate and kind and I loved), Tim asked me what I was working on currently. I talked about I Want It and basically told them about it, or at least what I currently know about it. And I stumbled and gave a vague idea of what I'm exploring in the play. Then I thought about something. Sometimes I'm so quick to make an idea so easy to explain, both when I'm explaining it and when I'm writing and thinking that eventually I'll have to explain it to someone in a fashion that seems easy to explain. I get that from the concept of the "log line" in TV and film, the one sentence description of your project that is supposed to encapsulate everything.
I Want It isn't that sort of project. But here was my audience and Amy loved the idea and suggested a book that I read. The name escapes me, but she owns it and offers to lend it to me because it might help. And I realized that if I constantly am writing things that are so easy to explain and "get" in a soundbite, that I'm depriving myself of getting as deep and as wide with an idea as I need to. Writing a log line or thinking about the logline that you will eventually need to use to explain something means that you're just scratching the surface. And I don't want to just scratch the surface any more.
I'm not saying that my goal is to confuse or confound. I'm not saying that I don't care if people understand what I'm talking about. The explanation of I Want It didn't confuse the group, it got them excited enough to want to lend a hand. It's just that when you simplify an idea into a sentence, you're deciding that is as far and as deep as you're willing to go with that idea so that it doesn't spill over into something else. You're not allowing it the grace to transform. You're keeping it locked and fixed. And that kind of seems like the opposite of creativity.
TV and Film are about skill and craftsmanship primarily, which is why it's so easy to monetize and assign value to it. You're making a product and getting paid for that product. It's the result we want: what shows up on the screen. With a play, it's also about the experience, it's about the shock value of an idea. And not "shock value" in terms of being provocative. But it's the value that lies in hearing something expressed in a way you hadn't expected and you're surprised and intrigued because you've discovered something. It's the shock of discovery, or as Robert Hughes wrote about in his book about modern art, "The Shock of the New." You need skill and craftsmanship to get there and even creating that shock is a skill in itself, but it's not as quantifiable as skill and craftsmanship are on their own. In theatre, all you need to do is get attached to an idea and exploring that idea. Setting up the argument, regardless of whether you finish it or not. TV and Film mostly require that you either finish the argument or set up a smaller argument that's easier to put a cap on, or incapsulate. Hence, the beginning, middle and end of it all.
When you put it that way, it's like apples and oranges, mohair and eggs or cowboys and Kushner: you can't compare them. And they can co-exist without being competitive or one being better than the other.
So when my friends Tim and Drew told me they were going to hear him speak, I had to tag along. I was prepared for a boring Q & A. But I didn't care. I wanted to just drink from the fountain, you know? But it wasn't that at all. The conversation was all over the place and Kushner is just so fucking brilliant that it doesn't matter what they talk about because it will always come back to humanity, politics, art and culture. A lot of the conversation was about writing Lincoln, the screenplay for the fantastic film that Steven Spielberg directed. And both Lincoln and Angels share something important. Both works take something incredibly heady and leave it incredibly heady, but make it entertaining. That's why I love Kushner. I'm not that heady on a daily basis. I'm more interested in popular culture, although I do read and I have thought about things. I'm not all about "Real Housewives" franchises (including spin-offs). But that key of having something to say and having a story to tell is where I live as a writer.
After the Kushner event, Tim, Drew and I went to meet their friends Amy and Ryan at a restaurant called Cowboys and Turbans in Silverlake. I was stuck in traffic, so they were all already there before me. It seemed like a friendly bunch. And it was a good group of creative types, so I felt comfortable. Then someone mentioned someone waving around a gun at people in the West Village in New York City.
"In the West Village, of all places," Drew remarked.
"Must have been Annie Liebowitz," I said, referencing a famous photographer.
"Chasing around Duane Michaels," Tim said, referencing another famous photographer.
My people! If I felt a little ill-at-ease with four friends who all knew each other well, this put me right at ease.
Then after we established that I was a playwright and we chatted about that a bit to bring me more into the conversation (which was so considerate and kind and I loved), Tim asked me what I was working on currently. I talked about I Want It and basically told them about it, or at least what I currently know about it. And I stumbled and gave a vague idea of what I'm exploring in the play. Then I thought about something. Sometimes I'm so quick to make an idea so easy to explain, both when I'm explaining it and when I'm writing and thinking that eventually I'll have to explain it to someone in a fashion that seems easy to explain. I get that from the concept of the "log line" in TV and film, the one sentence description of your project that is supposed to encapsulate everything.
I Want It isn't that sort of project. But here was my audience and Amy loved the idea and suggested a book that I read. The name escapes me, but she owns it and offers to lend it to me because it might help. And I realized that if I constantly am writing things that are so easy to explain and "get" in a soundbite, that I'm depriving myself of getting as deep and as wide with an idea as I need to. Writing a log line or thinking about the logline that you will eventually need to use to explain something means that you're just scratching the surface. And I don't want to just scratch the surface any more.
I'm not saying that my goal is to confuse or confound. I'm not saying that I don't care if people understand what I'm talking about. The explanation of I Want It didn't confuse the group, it got them excited enough to want to lend a hand. It's just that when you simplify an idea into a sentence, you're deciding that is as far and as deep as you're willing to go with that idea so that it doesn't spill over into something else. You're not allowing it the grace to transform. You're keeping it locked and fixed. And that kind of seems like the opposite of creativity.
TV and Film are about skill and craftsmanship primarily, which is why it's so easy to monetize and assign value to it. You're making a product and getting paid for that product. It's the result we want: what shows up on the screen. With a play, it's also about the experience, it's about the shock value of an idea. And not "shock value" in terms of being provocative. But it's the value that lies in hearing something expressed in a way you hadn't expected and you're surprised and intrigued because you've discovered something. It's the shock of discovery, or as Robert Hughes wrote about in his book about modern art, "The Shock of the New." You need skill and craftsmanship to get there and even creating that shock is a skill in itself, but it's not as quantifiable as skill and craftsmanship are on their own. In theatre, all you need to do is get attached to an idea and exploring that idea. Setting up the argument, regardless of whether you finish it or not. TV and Film mostly require that you either finish the argument or set up a smaller argument that's easier to put a cap on, or incapsulate. Hence, the beginning, middle and end of it all.
When you put it that way, it's like apples and oranges, mohair and eggs or cowboys and Kushner: you can't compare them. And they can co-exist without being competitive or one being better than the other.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
My First, My Last, My Everything
Sometimes I have to go back to the source of inspiration.
As a baby artiste, I remember watching the Truth or Dare documentary six times. I kept going back and watching it over and over again. I had to absorb everything. This was a cultural moment. I knew it from when I was a kid. Here was a pop artist at the apex of her powers and popularity. I would argue that Madonna has done things that have been way more artistic since. And way more popular before in terms of how commercial and thoughtless her work was. Some people still prefer "old Madonna." I take that to mean everything before Like a Prayer.
It kind of reminds me of this project I'm working on that revolves around the work of Robert Altman. Actually, that's my take on it. The theatre's take is that it concerns Nashville. But to me, that would be like taking Like A Prayer as a source of inspiration. But to get to Like a Prayer, you should look at Madonna with "Burning Up," "Lucky Star", and "Borderline." Then you get to the next wave of popularity and one of the best sophomore albums ever with Like a Virgin. You've got the title track, "Material Girl", "Angel", "Dress You Up." And Nile Rodgers. Then you have True Blue where she took another step forward with "Papa Don't Preach", "Open Your Heart", "La Isla Bonita." She cut all of her hair off. Then she got married, got divorced and came back darker. And decided for the first time to confront her iconography. She was never a "prayer" or a "virgin." But she was an assimilation of one. She wanted to take the concept of "virgin" with the sexual images and then look at the religious iconography and came up with what is my all time favorite album of hers. It's because it's a reawakening. It's a breakthrough. Like a Prayer. Every track was stunning. I think a review said at the time that it was as close to art as pop music gets. And that's taking into consideration the Beatles and Bowie and Patti Smith. It's taking into consideration a lot of things.
But she knew who she was and she showed it off. From that high point, she released her best dance track of all time "Vogue", a song that seemed timeless, referential and like the future all at once. To a very impressionable budding gay person and artist, this just seemed like where I wanted to be. I invested deeply in pop culture. The seed for my art was born there. I loved art. I loved reading. I loved looking at the past. I loved being ahead of the curve. I felt like Madonna embodied that for me.
I guess most people had playwrights like Mamet, Kushner, Albee and Ibsen as their inspiration. My inspiration was Madonna. I felt like it was pop art in written form. That's what I was creating. I cared about social issues. But I also was an entertainer. I loved experimenting and playing with form. I loved dance. I loved music.
I just watched the MDNA tour DVD. And all of that came up for me again. It's inspiring that someone who is in her 50s can continue to evolve and create. But that's what the example of Madonna has always been. She broke through barriers and expectations. The expectation of a global pop star. The expectation of women. And now the expectation that we're done when we get older. She was drenched in the fountain of youth up on stage in the best way.
Then she had Erotica, which was a step towards a darker kind of sexuality. She kind of suggested things before, but this felt like she was just challenging people to challenge her on her use of sex. Then we had the Sex book, which was a part of this whole era. The music was all right. It didn't feel as artistic, but it felt like it was trying to make a deliberate statement. Madonna was now working full-time as an artist and sometimes she took steps that were purely about being defiant. But even though there were dark gems like "Erotica", "Thief of Hearts", and "Deeper and Deeper", there were also moments of pure beauty like "Rain." This was followed up by Bedtime Stories, which was kind of a gentler Madonna who was trying to make sense of 90s R&B. A better album musically, but still her identity had shifted and it felt like Madonna the game changer was gone. Although "Bedtime Story" spoke of something to come. And it came like a Ray of Light. This album was the game changer and a move towards a more spiritual Madonna. It felt like the provocateur of that early era finished with her growing pains from the previous two albums. And here was another brilliant artistic statement wrapped in an electronica blanket. So many tracks on this album were brilliant and it was our introduction to serious, spiritual Madonna who now found another important taboo subject to take on: spirituality and enlightenment. Music brought us back to the dance floor in a more lighthearted way. Then American Life came in like gangbusters and broke down the door. Madonna was getting political. I loved this album personally, but I felt like the remix album was a bit of a cop out. No apologies. "Hollywood", "Nobody Knows Me" and "Mother and Father" were a couple of highlights. After the serious backlash she got for that album, she got frivolous and stayed there for the next two albums which were heavily influenced by dance music of the 70s and 80s. Confessions on a Dance Floor was just all right to me and I'm in the minority. I liked Hard Candy more because it was fun. It was a better decade for her to take on hip hop because the sound was a lot more fun. She went back to black on this one with Pharell, Kanye and Timbaland. It also sounded a lot like the old stuff, which interestingly enough wasn't enough to interest a bunch of folks. And now we have MDNA, which I sincerely love. I think people are getting a little fatigued by a woman who keeps going and keeps reinventing and keeps turning out successful, fun, listenable music.
NOTE: I did a lecture on the spirituality of Madonna and reinvention when I was in college. This is an interesting parallel for me when I look at the work of Robert Altman because they are both artists who do not apologize. And their most special and well-received work just came from them working at it. I think Like a Prayer is Madonna's Nashville in that it was a turning point for her and influenced everything after it, while not trying to recreate its magic.
That's the funny thing about influences. They don't have to look anything like each other. As human beings we can like things that don't seem to go together. And that's the wonderful cross-pollination that becomes art.
As a baby artiste, I remember watching the Truth or Dare documentary six times. I kept going back and watching it over and over again. I had to absorb everything. This was a cultural moment. I knew it from when I was a kid. Here was a pop artist at the apex of her powers and popularity. I would argue that Madonna has done things that have been way more artistic since. And way more popular before in terms of how commercial and thoughtless her work was. Some people still prefer "old Madonna." I take that to mean everything before Like a Prayer.
It kind of reminds me of this project I'm working on that revolves around the work of Robert Altman. Actually, that's my take on it. The theatre's take is that it concerns Nashville. But to me, that would be like taking Like A Prayer as a source of inspiration. But to get to Like a Prayer, you should look at Madonna with "Burning Up," "Lucky Star", and "Borderline." Then you get to the next wave of popularity and one of the best sophomore albums ever with Like a Virgin. You've got the title track, "Material Girl", "Angel", "Dress You Up." And Nile Rodgers. Then you have True Blue where she took another step forward with "Papa Don't Preach", "Open Your Heart", "La Isla Bonita." She cut all of her hair off. Then she got married, got divorced and came back darker. And decided for the first time to confront her iconography. She was never a "prayer" or a "virgin." But she was an assimilation of one. She wanted to take the concept of "virgin" with the sexual images and then look at the religious iconography and came up with what is my all time favorite album of hers. It's because it's a reawakening. It's a breakthrough. Like a Prayer. Every track was stunning. I think a review said at the time that it was as close to art as pop music gets. And that's taking into consideration the Beatles and Bowie and Patti Smith. It's taking into consideration a lot of things.
But she knew who she was and she showed it off. From that high point, she released her best dance track of all time "Vogue", a song that seemed timeless, referential and like the future all at once. To a very impressionable budding gay person and artist, this just seemed like where I wanted to be. I invested deeply in pop culture. The seed for my art was born there. I loved art. I loved reading. I loved looking at the past. I loved being ahead of the curve. I felt like Madonna embodied that for me.
I guess most people had playwrights like Mamet, Kushner, Albee and Ibsen as their inspiration. My inspiration was Madonna. I felt like it was pop art in written form. That's what I was creating. I cared about social issues. But I also was an entertainer. I loved experimenting and playing with form. I loved dance. I loved music.
I just watched the MDNA tour DVD. And all of that came up for me again. It's inspiring that someone who is in her 50s can continue to evolve and create. But that's what the example of Madonna has always been. She broke through barriers and expectations. The expectation of a global pop star. The expectation of women. And now the expectation that we're done when we get older. She was drenched in the fountain of youth up on stage in the best way.
Then she had Erotica, which was a step towards a darker kind of sexuality. She kind of suggested things before, but this felt like she was just challenging people to challenge her on her use of sex. Then we had the Sex book, which was a part of this whole era. The music was all right. It didn't feel as artistic, but it felt like it was trying to make a deliberate statement. Madonna was now working full-time as an artist and sometimes she took steps that were purely about being defiant. But even though there were dark gems like "Erotica", "Thief of Hearts", and "Deeper and Deeper", there were also moments of pure beauty like "Rain." This was followed up by Bedtime Stories, which was kind of a gentler Madonna who was trying to make sense of 90s R&B. A better album musically, but still her identity had shifted and it felt like Madonna the game changer was gone. Although "Bedtime Story" spoke of something to come. And it came like a Ray of Light. This album was the game changer and a move towards a more spiritual Madonna. It felt like the provocateur of that early era finished with her growing pains from the previous two albums. And here was another brilliant artistic statement wrapped in an electronica blanket. So many tracks on this album were brilliant and it was our introduction to serious, spiritual Madonna who now found another important taboo subject to take on: spirituality and enlightenment. Music brought us back to the dance floor in a more lighthearted way. Then American Life came in like gangbusters and broke down the door. Madonna was getting political. I loved this album personally, but I felt like the remix album was a bit of a cop out. No apologies. "Hollywood", "Nobody Knows Me" and "Mother and Father" were a couple of highlights. After the serious backlash she got for that album, she got frivolous and stayed there for the next two albums which were heavily influenced by dance music of the 70s and 80s. Confessions on a Dance Floor was just all right to me and I'm in the minority. I liked Hard Candy more because it was fun. It was a better decade for her to take on hip hop because the sound was a lot more fun. She went back to black on this one with Pharell, Kanye and Timbaland. It also sounded a lot like the old stuff, which interestingly enough wasn't enough to interest a bunch of folks. And now we have MDNA, which I sincerely love. I think people are getting a little fatigued by a woman who keeps going and keeps reinventing and keeps turning out successful, fun, listenable music.
NOTE: I did a lecture on the spirituality of Madonna and reinvention when I was in college. This is an interesting parallel for me when I look at the work of Robert Altman because they are both artists who do not apologize. And their most special and well-received work just came from them working at it. I think Like a Prayer is Madonna's Nashville in that it was a turning point for her and influenced everything after it, while not trying to recreate its magic.
That's the funny thing about influences. They don't have to look anything like each other. As human beings we can like things that don't seem to go together. And that's the wonderful cross-pollination that becomes art.
Friday, October 4, 2013
A Self Description
Email 10 friends. Ask them for 10-15 adjectives that describe you as well as any celebrities that you remind them of. What we're looking to do is capture your essence. What is it about each celebrity that reminds them of you?
A friend of mine sent that to me in an email yesterday because she was working with a life coach on developing some marketing strategies. I had three thoughts when I got the email:
- I should be a life coach.
- I'm going to do this for myself.
- I'm glad my friend thought of me as one of her 10 friends she wanted advice from.
I love a good exercise. A writing exercise. A physical exercise. A mental exercise. Anything that gets me moving and gets me to think rather than do.
That's why I write every day. And that's why I run every day.
Here it goes:
Adjectives that describe me:
- Studious
- Silly
- Interested
- Enthusiastic
- Articulate
- Funny
- Sexual
- Wonderful
- Organized
- Loud
- Opinionated
- Forceful
- Loving
- Dedicated
- Open-minded
And celebrities (this is harder):
- Angelina Jolie - not really, but that's the first name that popped into my head
- Aziz Ansari - because I like food, I'm brown and I think I'm funny
- Jimmy Fallon - Because years ago, three different people on three different occasions told me I reminded them of Jimmy Fallen. And because I'm ethnic, I was just happy they didn't say Keanu Reeves.
- Bea Arthur - Because I'm at my best and my funniest when I'm quick-witted and a little salty.
- Fran Lebowitz - Because I fancy myself the literary version of Bea Arthur.
All right. So how do I parlay that into a marketing strategy?
Reprint: Tony Gilroy's Ten Rules
I rarely find anything on Deadline Hollywood that is worth sharing for it's advice. But I thought this was good.
http://www.deadline.com/2013/10/tony-gilroys-top-10-tips-on-how-to-write-a-hollywood-blockbuster/
It's Ten Tips on How to Write a Hollywood Blockbuster and it's supposed to be about screenwriting (kind of). But I think it's really about any sort of commercial writing. And even artistic writing. Discipline, craft and passion are applicable to everything. Enjoy.
http://www.deadline.com/2013/10/tony-gilroys-top-10-tips-on-how-to-write-a-hollywood-blockbuster/
It's Ten Tips on How to Write a Hollywood Blockbuster and it's supposed to be about screenwriting (kind of). But I think it's really about any sort of commercial writing. And even artistic writing. Discipline, craft and passion are applicable to everything. Enjoy.
Submissions 2013
We're in the Autumn season. How do I know?
Changing leaves? No, I live in Los Angeles.
Cooler weather? No, I live in Los Angeles and I'm wearing shorts.
The start of the Fall TV season? Yes...but with cable programs in the mix, shows are premiering year around.
I know it's the Fall because it's Submission Season for Playwrights! I must have already sent in four or five submissions so far with another four or five to come. I guess it's a little like pilot season for TV writers. The stress is high. Either you're gaining or losing weight, depending on how you handle your stress. I'm starting a cleanse of sorts. Because of health issues (mainly getting older), I am looking at my alcohol, dairy, red meat and sugar intake. I did a three day juice cleanse last week just to clear toxins out of my system. I'm drinking more water. I've been running every day (or at least three days a week) if I can. I'm trying to get rid of things I don't need. Most people might purge their closets or cut off excess hair. I've done those things as well in the past. But right now, I just want to get down to the bare necessities of life (in another life, I was Mowgli from The Jungle Book).
What does that have to do with script submissions? Well, it's another opportunity to put some intentions out there into the Universe, right? And if I get rid of some things in my life, I then make room for new healthier behaviors, patters and people. I always like to submit to these various festivals and fellowships every year. That means I need to have a new play every year. It keeps me on my toes. But also, I feel the pressure and anxiety to perform and to increase my odds of having a play developed by playing the numbers game. But it's too much!
This year, I didn't really write a new play. I knew I would be rewriting two older plays. And that's great. I love both of these plays and I love rewriting. So that meant that I wouldn't be applying to certain festivals this year. And I just had to be okay with that. If I had something to give, I would give. If I don't, then I don't. I can't write a new play in two weeks and stress myself out, desperate to get myself into one of these festivals.
I have to say that having the past couple of years off from the anxiety of TV staffing season has been great. I'm still writing pilots. I even wrote three pilots last year. It's not like I'm being any less productive. But sometimes you need to stop the train (or the hamster wheel) and just get off and look around. Give your legs a break from running, running, running and chasing, chasing, chasing.
Here's a blog post that a friend wrote and another friend shared on Twitter. It's all about this theatre submission thing and the rejection we face when we continually submit stuff.
http://lafpi.com/2013/10/on-rejection/
It's hard dealing with rejection. Everyone always says, "If you wanna get in this business, you gotta learn how to deal with rejection." Yeah, you do. But it fucking sucks and you try to wrap your head around why everyone doesn't get it. However, you soldier on and you get more determined and strident in what you write and who you are.
Cause that's all you have. And taking a break from stuff for a while has allowed me to hammer at this profession that I've chosen. I don't call it a dream because it's not a dream. I write. That's all I do right now. I don't make money from anything else or from anything right now. All I have is my conviction and my ability to sit down every day and write. Whether it's a blog or a scene from a play or a TV pilot. I have ideas. I have things to write. I make my life about writing.
And I have a lap top. That's important.
Here's a blog post that a friend wrote and another friend shared on Twitter. It's all about this theatre submission thing and the rejection we face when we continually submit stuff.
http://lafpi.com/2013/10/on-rejection/
It's hard dealing with rejection. Everyone always says, "If you wanna get in this business, you gotta learn how to deal with rejection." Yeah, you do. But it fucking sucks and you try to wrap your head around why everyone doesn't get it. However, you soldier on and you get more determined and strident in what you write and who you are.
Cause that's all you have. And taking a break from stuff for a while has allowed me to hammer at this profession that I've chosen. I don't call it a dream because it's not a dream. I write. That's all I do right now. I don't make money from anything else or from anything right now. All I have is my conviction and my ability to sit down every day and write. Whether it's a blog or a scene from a play or a TV pilot. I have ideas. I have things to write. I make my life about writing.
And I have a lap top. That's important.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Running Affirmations: Seven
The great thing about any practice is that you can put it down for a second, then pick it right back up. I've been busy with life shit and haven't had time to run. The time I spent in Hancock Park at my friends' house dogsitting was affirming for me. I had these lovely neighborhoods and beautiful homes to fantasize about and to visualize myself playing in the front lawn.
goal w
Now that I'm back in my own neighborhood, I can look out at the path that I follow and focus my energies on staying on the path. I started out with my walk, as I usually do, and I didn't have anything that I could think of to visualize. I started on the run and just let my mind run blank. I didn't try to force anything. I just let my mind go. Then I turned around and headed in the other direction for the longer portion of my run. Still nothing. I felt like I couldn't even open my mouth. I was frozen. But the running continued and I opened my mouth. I don't remember what I said, just a lot of jibber jabber I'm sure. I knew it would come if I kept my running up. Finally I spoke:
The Breakthrough Can Happen Now
When I was a senior in college, I decided to put on my own show as a senior project. Not being a theatre major per se, I couldn't do anything that was officially sponsored by the department. My
goal was to do a show with my words and my choreography. Even though I was a playwright, I decided not to do something as static as a play. I called the show breakthrough because in the poems I was dancing to, I had these images of things breaking through the surface or breaking out. That moment for me was a real epiphany of what I was capable of.
I have been working for years for that breakthrough and for various reasons, I have kept myself from getting there. Either I didn't think I was ready or I wanted to study more or I wanted to be more certain. But I'm learning to live with doubt. I'm learning to live with loneliness. I'm learning to live with myself. Those things won't go away, I just need to co-exist with them and hope they fuel my work and feed my soul.
So as I was running and proclaiming that "The breakthrough can happen now", I remembered my fave Whitman poem, which I wrote down a few blog posts ago. Yes, it's true that whenever it happens, "I can with equal cheerfulness wait", it's time. I am never going to be as together as I want to be. I'm working on being whole, but the work can help with that. So I'm ready for my long-overdue breakthrough.
And make it good, Universe.
I'm Done Waiting
That's it. I'm done. No more waiting. Once I headed back to finish up the last leg of my run, I started saying "I'm done waiting." As I ran more and more, the words picked up more urgency as I picked up velocity. It was a real battle cry. It was a real fuck you to the Universe. I'm done. I don't want to wait no more. You've taken everything from me and I'm ready for you to give it back. Thank you for keeping it safe and letting it accrue interest. But it's time. I'm done waiting. I'm ready and full and whole into the person I know I am and have become.
Let's get to it. Enough already.
I ran faster and faster on my way home. Instead of getting tired and losing steam, I picked up the pace. I finished strong. And that's how I want to be.
goal w
Now that I'm back in my own neighborhood, I can look out at the path that I follow and focus my energies on staying on the path. I started out with my walk, as I usually do, and I didn't have anything that I could think of to visualize. I started on the run and just let my mind run blank. I didn't try to force anything. I just let my mind go. Then I turned around and headed in the other direction for the longer portion of my run. Still nothing. I felt like I couldn't even open my mouth. I was frozen. But the running continued and I opened my mouth. I don't remember what I said, just a lot of jibber jabber I'm sure. I knew it would come if I kept my running up. Finally I spoke:
The Breakthrough Can Happen Now
When I was a senior in college, I decided to put on my own show as a senior project. Not being a theatre major per se, I couldn't do anything that was officially sponsored by the department. My
goal was to do a show with my words and my choreography. Even though I was a playwright, I decided not to do something as static as a play. I called the show breakthrough because in the poems I was dancing to, I had these images of things breaking through the surface or breaking out. That moment for me was a real epiphany of what I was capable of.
I have been working for years for that breakthrough and for various reasons, I have kept myself from getting there. Either I didn't think I was ready or I wanted to study more or I wanted to be more certain. But I'm learning to live with doubt. I'm learning to live with loneliness. I'm learning to live with myself. Those things won't go away, I just need to co-exist with them and hope they fuel my work and feed my soul.
So as I was running and proclaiming that "The breakthrough can happen now", I remembered my fave Whitman poem, which I wrote down a few blog posts ago. Yes, it's true that whenever it happens, "I can with equal cheerfulness wait", it's time. I am never going to be as together as I want to be. I'm working on being whole, but the work can help with that. So I'm ready for my long-overdue breakthrough.
And make it good, Universe.
I'm Done Waiting
That's it. I'm done. No more waiting. Once I headed back to finish up the last leg of my run, I started saying "I'm done waiting." As I ran more and more, the words picked up more urgency as I picked up velocity. It was a real battle cry. It was a real fuck you to the Universe. I'm done. I don't want to wait no more. You've taken everything from me and I'm ready for you to give it back. Thank you for keeping it safe and letting it accrue interest. But it's time. I'm done waiting. I'm ready and full and whole into the person I know I am and have become.
Let's get to it. Enough already.
I ran faster and faster on my way home. Instead of getting tired and losing steam, I picked up the pace. I finished strong. And that's how I want to be.
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