Thrown Off

Just when I think my grieving has taken a break…

I went to a family friend's funeral today.  He was someone who knew my father very well and it actually threw me off my game since yesterday.

I'm working on patience with myself, but I'm afraid I don't always succeed.  I wrote 22 pages on Monday of Act Two of this new play and another three pages yesterday.  Yet, even though I was feeling sad about attending this funeral and anticipating a meltdown, I saw yesterday as a failure.  And it sent me into a shame spiral about where my life is, my financial situation and frankly left me feeling lost.

It exacerbated my feelings about everything going on with my life.

And it was just grief needing to work itself through my system.

I have written 89 pages of a new play in a month.  I will have a brand new play written by the end of the week.  I have to stop setting unrealistic expectations of myself.  That does not mean I don't work hard and will work harder than anyone.  But 22 pages in a day is remarkable.  It's incredible.  It's a real feat.

I am grateful that I will have written a play in a month, thus meeting my Playwriting Challenge.
I am grateful that I got a new idea for a play this week, which fits within the realm of my Seven Deadly Sins.
I am grateful that I wrote 22 pages on Monday and 3 pages on Tuesday.
I am grateful that I discovered a new place to go write today: the Hammer Museum in Westwood.
I am grateful that I can be a little more patient with myself.  I'm learning.
I am grateful that I have great music to listen to as I'm working up the courage to write another scene for this play.
I am grateful that I am getting close to the scene in the play that I am most excited about putting together.
I am grateful for Downton Abbey because it makes me feel better when I'm uncertain about where to go next.