What I Know About Me

I had lunch with a very good friend of mine today.  This friend is a former work colleague and an all around good person.  We haven't seen each other since she had her baby and since my Dad died.  We had a lot to catch up on.

We talked about work.  We talked about me getting back to work and what I need for that to happen.  I need a new rep.

Okay, I know what I have said about working in television.  I am exploring all of my options and I'm not going to work in TV just to work in it.  I want to be challenged and I want to grow.

But I have another conference call with Portland State about going up to work with their students.  That plan is moving forward.  It is pushing me in new directions.

I met with a TV manager today.  I gave an excellent meeting, but I ultimately did not feel the best fit with this person.  I felt like I would be falling back into a dynamic that I've already had.  I don't want to replicate what I have.  I want to push forward.

So I have a woman who recommended me to two women agents.  I like that she didn't just think in terms of managers, but in terms of agents.

And I have another friend, the one who I met with today, who wants to put me in touch with a female manager.

I think I would work better with a woman.  I think a woman would get me.  I think there's a certain vibe from men in this business that I just don't vibe with.  It is so frat like, for lack of a better term.  Because that's what boys clubs are.  And I'm not a boy who played with those boys.  It does feel like high school in that way.  I am much more the Ally Sheedy of the group.  And I need someone who gets that and who can get me meetings.

I don't need someone who just wants to use my connections to build something.  I want someone who believes in my work and will knock down walls to get me read and noticed.

I need someone to push.

I've already done my share and need to rest up so I can push further.

What I know about me is that I won't settle any more.  There is a new type of storytelling happening and I believe that what I have to offer works in that milieu.

What I know about me is that I trust my instincts.

What I know about me is that I am my own person and I am a strong person.

What I know about me is that I am intuitive.

What I know about me is that I want to preserve who I am and I want to make it work in a commercial environment.

What I know about me is that I don't want a gatekeeper for an agent or a manager.

I am grateful for my two meetings today and for their results.
I am grateful to know who I am.
I am grateful that I can stand firm in the person I have become.
I am grateful that I gave a great meeting and that I know whatever the result is, I did everything I could possibly do to make the meeting go well.