You Deserve a Break Today

Wasn't that an old ad for McDonald's or something?

I just finished a draft of a pilot in a remarkably short amount of time.  At least for me. Maybe I should stop saying that because writers who are getting paid tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars to write a pilot script have to keep their pace up. Okay, so they have the advantage of large payments that are doled out into various stages: story, outline, draft, rewrites.  So when they finish something, they get paid.  I have my own motivation: get something done.

I am learning the pace that I will need when the paychecks start flooding in. It feels like I am in training for a very long race. But the fact remains that I have finished and I deserve a break today.

How have I been rewarding myself? I have been watching a lot of documentaries on HBO Go.  It's my thing and I really love it.  I love reading about things and reflecting. That is really how I am rewarding myself.

Tomorrow, I will go back to the work. But today I will fill my brain with new information. I have burned off a lot of calories and now I need calorie intake.

To be honest, I have started reading the script and just looking for things that catch my eye. Areas that need improvement. I try not to be too critical in that first read through. I just catch things. And I know at this point that I have a story I like and details that work for me. Some places need to be overhauled and some things just need to be written deeper. That's all fixable. The reason I try not to be too critical in that first read is that I don't want to be overly harsh with something that is fragile and new. I don't need to be so hard on myself yet.

That comes later.

But I should be giving myself more of a break. My boyfriend is always telling me to relax and it's hard for me to do that completely. I have a standard I have set for myself and I feel that if I don't uphold that standard, then it's hard for me. I'm trying to be nicer and kinder and more patient with myself. But I have to be patient with myself about being patient with myself. It's a lifetime of behavior I'm trying to undo.

But it's essential.
If I don't understand and appreciate the progress I made,
then I can't build upon it.
I am always starting off at Square One because I don't
think I've gotten anywhere.

If I understand that I have been working hard
for a long time
and I'm making progress based on the work
I've done before,
then I progress along the continuum instead of having
the feeling that I am not getting anywhere.

That is a great reason to appreciate one's talents and abilities.

That's the break I need today.

I am grateful for constant evolution.
I am grateful that I appreciate the choices I have made.
I am grateful for the understanding that I have never made a mistake in my life.
I am grateful for breaks.