Doubts

As much as I need rest, it's never a good thing when I'm not writing. I stop feeling productive and I'm full of self doubt. Right now I feel adrift. I've been resting, spending time with family and kind of researching the next thing. Yes, I should rest a bit because I have had such massive output over the past nine months. But I'm never good with any of that.

I've been watching a bunch of documentaries, The Fashion Fund, Olive Kitteridge, Foo Fighters: Sonic Highways, Nashville, Blackish, Le Bare and other fun things. But I really want to feel productive. I am not doing well just waiting around.

I got notes on my new pilot from a woman I might be doing a bit of a dance with in terms of representation. Maybe. The notes were good, but I now feel like I need to get feedback from a few more people to get some consensus and then start working on a rewrite.

But I do need to remember that I have taken a month off in each quarter to rest and recoup. January was like that for me. So was April. And part of July. So if part of November is not this sort of uber productive time, then so be it. I need the rest.

I just hate having all of these doubts.

I've been meditating to clear my head, but even that has gotten obsessive.

I'm not relaxed.

I am grateful for this regrouping period.
I am grateful for the anxiety.
I am grateful for the time to recharge.