Open Your Heart

I've got to get better at visualizing and setting intentions. A friend gave me a book called Into the Magic Shop by James Doty that explained how to visualize. It's different than "The Secret", which is just about manifesting money and wealth without taking into consideration that someone has to have an open heart in order to do that.

I've seen in my own life that I can manifest things if I want them. But I always want to be mindful of what I'm asking for. In the book, Doty explains that if you're not setting an intention with a pure heart, then it poisons the intention. You might get what you ask for, but it might not be the thing you should be asking for.

I realize that I've been working hard and I have a certain awareness in which I live my life. But visualization has always been hard for me. The question of "What Do You Want?" has always been difficult for me to answer. I could work, but I couldn't see it. Sure, there are things I've manifested and that I have brought into existence. But this deliberate visualizing has been difficult for me. I've often dismissed it too. And I dismissed this book when I started reading it. A good friend gave it to me as a gift for helping her through a hard time. I read the first 60 or so pages and I wasn't connecting. I felt like I knew it all and I didn't take it very seriously.

Yesterday, I went to Laguna Beach to get some quiet time in. I set my towel down and pulled the book out of my bag, intending on finishing it so I could tell my friend I read it. But something happened. I got inspired. The book did its magic and I finished the book - part at the beach and the rest when I got home last night. The part that really struck with me was this notion that once you used meditation to settle your mind, you could then open your heart by offering compassion to people you might have difficulty with.

You see, I did that over four years ago. When my Dad was dying and I had to help take care of him, I could feel my heart break open because of the compassion that had grown for him. When you offer compassion to someone who you feel never had it for you, that means that your heart has opened up. And this exercise does that through slow, methodical repetition. So when I read in the book that the next step after your heart being open was to visualize the thing you want, I felt like I was ready.

It made me think of the progress I had made over the past several years. I thought about my compassion in action. Several weeks ago, I found out my ex boyfriend had moved on with someone new and they started dating suspiciously soon after we broke up. I had the feelings of anger and attachment to my resentment. But I found that very soon after I found out all of the details, I was able to let go of my anger by understanding that the Universe had given us both what we wanted separately at exactly the same time.  My career took off while his personal life took off. I couldn't be mad. That's compassion.

Not that I don't have residual frustration with the situation. But my true anger is gone. If this had been years ago, I would have held onto that resentment for a long time. I would have been very reactive. I have a friend who had a similar break up around the same time who is stuck in that anger. And even  that's a gift - deciding how to respond and how not to respond - and what that looks like. It's incredible to be in a spot where those things are not derailing me.

I know what I want for my life - and that it's not related to money. I've never been motivated by money. I've been motivated by experience. But money has an energy associated with it - this I learned years ago. It points to a focus. These consciousness-expanding experiences I want to have exist in a space where money creates these experiences. But for me, it's about the experience before it's about anything else. The outer validation is just a byproduct.

I'm still learning that. After I got staffed on the show and I was asked to join the theatre company, I had a moment where I had to stay grounded in my awareness that it was about the labor and the effort, not the fruits of that labor and effort. You get to a certain place of awareness and then that's thrown off when you start being swayed by the outside response. I'm focused on staying even - not getting too high when the good stuff happens and not getting too low when the hard stuff happens. That doesn't mean that I can't celebrate or mourn, but it means that I can't give into the ego. That ain't easy!

I am grateful for "Into the Magic Shop."
I am grateful for the gifts of friends.
I am grateful for the impact I have on people.

I seek clarity.
I seek the opportunity to manifest my ideas and turn them into television.
I seek the opportunity to employ friends.
I seek the opportunity to create a creative hub and home base.