Procrastination in Real Time

I'm at the West Hollywood Library surrounded by people trying to get work done. Computers are out, notes are out, people are looking at their phones…researching, I'm assuming.

I have two things I should be working on. I really should be working on my episode rewrite. I have all of my notes. I have a lot to do. And yet, it's the last thing I want to do right now. 

I also have a pilot I rewrote and could be doing some work on as well. I took some notes on it this weekend. I'm heading to a WGA event tonight where I will be letting people know I have a new sample. And yet, I'm staring down the script with all of my notes on it.

I have student papers to grade, too. 

It's a gloomy, foggy, overcast shitty day in LA. It's the PERFECT day to get work done. Any work done. I'm out of my office today to work on the episode rewrite. I have five hours until this event at the WGA. I should be doing more. 

I worked out today. Really hard. My body feels sore. 

I need to work out my brain really hard. My mind should feel sore.

And yet, here I am, as I often am wondering where my motivation has gone. I can blame my muscles - I can really feel them right now. I can blame the fact that I lost my headphones and haven't gotten new ones yet, so I can drown out the sound around me. But none of that is the source of my procrastination. 

Resistance is standing over my shoulder right now. I can feel it breathing down my neck. And it's winning. I'm hungry. I should go downstairs and eat. I should do more than I'm doing now, that's for sure. 

I even took five minutes to look at my phone, resisting writing this blog. That's how crazy it is right now. 

I sent an email to my writer's group about submissions being due tomorrow.

I am still hungry. I probably will go eat.

I have carne asada and a cabbage slaw.

Trying not to have to buy dinner - there's a small meal provided at the WGA event later. I'm being frugal. I'm done with work in a week and only have two weeks worth of checks and two script payments left. I'm not in the poor house. But I'm trying to be conservative in my spending.

I realized that I'm going to a WGA event every night this week, except for Friday. That means I've got dinner covered every night this week. And on Friday, the writers in my room are being taken out to dinner. How much am I loving that? A lot.

I just checked Facebook and found out that my friend Tracee is in Rome and I sent a gelateria recommendation. I want to go back to Italy. I also want to go to Spain, my friend Tony is going there this summer and I'm tempted to meet him there. But I also want to be working on a TV show by this summer. Oh, Jesus. So much to do and want.

I've been here at the library for almost an hour and haven't done any work yet. Okay.  I'm going to go have lunch.

And THEN -

My intention is to work.

My intention is to stay awake.

My intention is to keep focused - and not on the cute guy across from me.

My intention is to grow.

I am grateful for overcast days that feel perfect for writing.

I am grateful for a quiet library.

I am grateful for love and friendship.

I am grateful for work to do, even if it's so much work that it feels overwhelming.

I am grateful for typing skills that allow me to look at the hot guy (still distracted) across the room while typing. 

I am grateful for my Adidas hi tops, which might become a conversation starter.

I am grateful for every opportunity I've had this year.

I am grateful for many words to say.

I am grateful that my imagination is open and fruitful.