Here's a list of things going on these days:
- Teaching two classes once a week.
- Production on Season Three of our show.
- Getting ready for staffing season and meetings.
- Revising scripts for staffing season.
At times, it feels like it's all a bit too much. When I'm not at work, I'm trying to catch up on my sleep. But when I'm sleeping, I'm aware that I could be doing other productive work things. I've got some meetings this week I need to prepare for - by watching many, many hours of TV. I'm supposed to be grading as well. And I've been sitting on set for my episode since Wednesday. It feels like too much, so of course my reaction has been to retreat. Typical.
I have been catching up on sleep, which is important. And I went to a get together yesterday and a play with friends last night. Plus dinner before and drinks after. It was a social day. But I also have to see friends. I can't just ignore my friendships. Plus, those friendships are with writers whose conversations always inspire and motivate me. These are people doing the exact thing I'm doing and we need to talk to get ideas out.
Having a few centering hours each morning feels both indulgent and necessary. I can't really function if all I'm doing is being social. And I forget that being on set and having to be "on" is about giving away energy. That has its own value for sure. Being a presence on set and participating in the production process is amazing. But I also then have little energy for other stuff. I know people who push and push and push themselves and give themselves heart attacks or the flu. I'm not that guy. I won't sacrifice my health. But that means I've then got less time to get a shit ton of stuff done.
All of that worrying I stopped doing a few years ago made room for me to get more done, but now that I'm in this rhythm, I've filled that space with even more pertinent stuff.
Which is why centering becomes important again. It's like a trash compactor making even more room where I thought there was none left. I have to remember that the time I take for myself in the morning at the gym and the drive to work and the drive home and the time it takes me to get up in the morning are all helpful parts of the process. Rest is just as important as action and drive. I slept about eight hours last night. I survive on 5.5-6 during the week. And none of that sleep is restful because I have the anxiety of production weighing on my brain.
Here's the tradeoff - when I work I'm making money but eating like shit and not sleeping well. When I'm "off" I'm controlling my diet and sleeping, but I don't have any cash flow. I have to remember the lesson of all of those years of underemployment - take advantage of the resources you do have. If you don't have money, but you've got tons of time - use that time to get shit done. If you've got money, but little time for other stuff - spend all of your time at work and get everything you can from it and gift yourself in little ways, like going to the K Spa and getting massages. Be a little more social because so much of your time is spent working.
That perspective does come from meditation and from introspection. But I am feeling out of sorts a bit. I'm not freaking out. But I'm feeling like it's hard to focus on everything at once. Well, that makes sense. You can't possibly focus on EVERYTHING at once. So today, I'm working on my pilot I've been working on for awhile and focusing it. I can accomplish that in a day.
Tomorrow, I will work on the comedy pilots I have to revise.
Tuesday, I will be back at work, so I'll watch some shows when I've got down time between shots. I will also watch those shows when I'm too tired to do anything else - instead of watching my favorite You Tube videos. Tuesday's a light production day for my stuff, so I'm going to not do as much.
Wednesday - I'll be at work, but I'll have to get my grading done.
Thursday - I need to get grading done before I have to teach. I'll spend the night in SD and sleep.
Friday - Day of Rest. I also need to start this new pilot and do some grading. Production will be done for me. I'll come back the last week of shooting to hang out. But other than that, I won't have any thing else to do with production.
Yes, that looks like a lot. And it will make the week go by fast and keep me busy. But it's what I have to do. Fortunately, I will be spending my days not at work at the Korean Spa getting this stuff done. I will treat myself. And we'll see what fruits emerge from me working from a place of being centered.
My intention is love.
My intention is openness.
My intention is trust.
My intention is to surrender.
I am grateful for great dinner conversations.
I am grateful for my health.
I am grateful for love in my life.
I am grateful for production.
I am grateful for good collaborators.
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