Skipped the run yesterday. Between walking the dog I'm dog sitting and writing with my friend Larry, I didn't have time to do it. So this morning I was determined to make it count. I started out like I start out all my runs with a walk. On this walk, I think about what my intention is going to be today. The air was crisp, but warming up. So I knew that on my run it would start to get warm soon. I stepped out into the sunlight and started running.
The street I run on opens up to where you can see the Hollywood sign. So I'm running towards "Hollywood." And I thought about that. I have been running towards Hollywood the whole time I have been here and it really hasn't gotten me where I want to go creatively. And even that's an unfair expectation because it has machinery that is already in place that is not conducive to creativity. Even so, I held my head high and ran towards Hollywood. After a few paces, this was not fulfilling. I needed to represent my creativity some how. Then I looked up again and the Hollywood sign was obscured by a tree. Phew! I was coming up to a major street where I knew I would be turning around and turning my back to Hollywood. But somehow that didn't seem right either.
I crossed the street. I want to make a living as a writer, and yet, I want to continue my artful work. I want to be an artful writer. I made the left and started heading back the other way, away from the Hollywood sign. But even that didn't seem totally right.
I want to be an artful writer.
I made sure to pronounce artful and not get sloppy and accidentally say "awful." But when you're running and trying to keep your breath and trying to articulate, it's difficult. I needed to find another phrase. I know I need to make money. I know I don't want to sit at a desk and just do a nine to five gig. I have done them and I have respect for them, but I have to find a way to sustain myself financially and have the freedom and time to write plays and other things that fulfill me. I want to write during the day and make a living writing my own stuff in my own voice. For television would be ideal. But then I want to have time to write plays and scripts that I know I can sell, but that I need time to nurture without scrutiny.
Again, I'm confronted with the art vs. commerce debate. For a split second, I remember that I'm writing about that in my new play.
Make Money and Make Art
First it was
Make Money. Make Art.
But that seemed like too much of a compartmentalization. Make money, then make art. But I know that from my art can come money. And from my money making work, there can be art in it. I want to cross pollinate more.
It quickly became
Make Money and Make Art.
I was running and repeating my intention out into the Universe, as loud and as articulately as I can. I'm trying to overcome the embarrassment of speaking my intentions out loud. I made sure I hit MONEY and ART equally as much as possible. The breath sometimes sacrificed one or the other. Emphasis on both is important. And the AND is important too. I want both to exist in a symbiotic relationship. I can have both in moments where it seems like the focus is on one over the other. I don't have to sacrifice Money for Art or Art for Money. I don't want to. Again, Money is Energy that reminds the Universe where our focus and direction is. So getting money for artistic commissions is energy in the art realm. Money for writing TV is energy in the realm of commercial work. Putting them together is what gives my voice and intention real strength.
I started running on streets that were parallel to the Hollywood sign. It was in my periphery, but not my focus. I was aware of it, but I was not running away or toward it. I was running along side it.
It popped in my head again--and not for a split second--that I Want It is about this intersection of Art and Commerce. If the play becomes about my internal struggle between the two, it will have real strength. Writing this play has really been an exercise in working from the Outside In. I usually work from the Inside Out. Going through this process of being given a theme has really helped me. It has been a lesson in patience.
I got the criteria for the commission and just thought about it.
I thought about Altman. I thought about his films.
I remembered that I had that oral biography and I started reading it again.
Then I went to the County Library site and looked to see what films I could get my hands on.
I checked out the ones that were available and requested the ones that needed to be requested.
Then I started a journal so I would be writing to start the process.
Watched films.
Wrote a bit about them.
Came to the idea of Advertising as a setting. I wanted a big world.
Then I came to the concept of Creation.
Art. Commerce.
I'm running and becoming stronger in my stride as I repeat
Make Money and Make Art
This Art and Money conversation has been running in my head personally for a long time. But in writing this play, I've been thinking about it every day. I think about it in terms of what I'll be doing for work. So living my life and answering the questions set before me is really the process of working on this play. There isn't a moment I am not working on this play.
That take me back to something my first playwriting professor and mentor, Erik Ehn said to me:
"Make everything you do writing. And you'll always be writing."
I think even back then, as a young student, I worried about my focus being taken away from my work. But if everything you do is an offering to your work, then you never lose focus.
The words take a sharpness, a determination. They have a definite rhythm. The intention is clear. My eyes are wide open. My breath is deep and strong to give me the power to say these things.
Make Money and Make Art
The words are an engine that keeps me moving fast. It's better than the music I used to listen to on my iPad. I remember the power of words. They have a strength. They can shape your reality because they reflect what you think. They have belief in them.
Again, I go back to I Want It. The play is about how a few simple words organized in a certain fashion can change destiny. Words have belief because we put our faith in them. We believe what we hear and what we read. We believe what people tell us, whether it's Mom or McDonalds.
I LOVE YOU.
I'M LOVING IT.
JESUS SAVES.
JUST DO IT.
I WANT IT.
They are slogans. All of them are slogans. They constitute and reflect a certain belief system. In just a few words, we change direction. It's amazing...the power of words.
I believe the power of a great idea is that it expands and keeps expanding the more air it has. The more time it has to breathe. The more time it is spent exposed.
I run and barely stop. I have energy in me.
I get back and I start making a juice.
Ginger
Cucumber
Celery
Pineapple
Cantaloupe
Lemon
I'm trying to purify myself. Get rid of the toxins. I have this great thought in me, this great energy, and I just want to have the purest environment possible. I'm cleansing myself through thought and now it's time to cleanse myself through nourishment. As I put the veggies and fruits through the juicer, I keep talking
Make Money and Make Art
I think about things. But mainly I just push the veggies and fruits through, listen to the sound of the juicer juicing. White noise. I pour the juice out. I clean the juicer parts.
And I feel my body purifying itself. I feel my mind clearing. I drink the nourishment, the love, the caring, the looking after, the clarity...and I let my body purify itself. It's better than communion. It's a real purification and not just a symbolic one.
Make Money and Make Art
That seems like a good mission. I will make sure to do both.
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