Resistance Reared It's Ugly Head This Week

I finished a 94 page screenplay in five weeks last week.  Turned it in. Celebrated by taking myself to the local Korean Spa.

Had a fun and festive weekend last weekend with friends. Met up with my creativity group on Sunday.

So I was ready to start the week. I have one more major writing goal of the year in October, where I'll be writing a pilot in a month.

So I'm doing some prep work for that now.  But I was ready to hit the ground running on Monday.

I worked for a bit, then had to meet my friend Alanna at her place to drop something off before she left to go out of town again.  I left the office at 2, got to her place at 2:30, then had to run home to meet a plumber. Not a ton of work got done that day.

Then on Tuesday, my desk collapsed.  And I was exhausted.

On Wednesday, I worked from home, read up on some things.  The boyfriend fixed the desk on his way to the airport.  Then I went to the gym and came home. Then my stomach started bothering me.

Yesterday, some personal stuff happened that was a major bummer. And my back was killing me.

This whole week I had a goal: I had to transcribe an old play into final draft for a submission due today.  I figured if I started on Monday, I would be easily done by Wednesday. Well, the drama of the week really put a cork in those plans.  So today I worked all day in my office and got it done and out!

When all of these things happened, I had a thought…RESISTANCE.

I've written four scripts this year so far and one more on the way before the end of the year. I feel like I'm in a good place with my work and in my office.  But there's that ugly monster named Resistance that wants to prevent me from getting work done.  And it does it through actual things that happen, like my desk collapsing.  And through complications in communicating.  That was big this week.  Normally, when that stuff happens I would pull the covers up and stay in bed all day. Or I would be preoccupied by it.

But then I decided to go back and read my tarot card reading.  And guess what? It's all in there.  I decide that I needed to stay productive and not let fear and preoccupation get in my way.  I had moments this week when I thought, "Oh, this is an old play. Why do I even need to submit it anyway? No one cares. It's not like it's that big of a deal if I submit." Yep, that's Resistance.  And it's consigliere Rationalization.  The point is that it wants to stop me from getting my work done.

And I decided to say "Fuck you, Resistance! It's on! I'm getting my shit done."

And I did.  I started work on my pilot treatment for this new script.  I'm going to go home and read some more and watch some more films on Netflix. I'm going to fill my brain. I'm going to see The Tempest at South Coast Rep this weekend and say hi to my Mama. I'm going to be inspired with my friend Cory and see Gob Squad at Redcat tomorrow night (double theatre Saturday).  Resistance isn't going to get me down.

I decided to go back to my meditation and stillness when things started flurrying around me. I focused on my breath. I focused on my mantras. And like all thoughts during meditation, I let them flow through me and keep moving.

Maybe that's why this week happened.  The Universe needed to remind me that my Success Through Stillness is working.  You don't notice Stillness when you're still.  But when things are bumpy and you can be Still, that's when you see Stillness in Action.  And there was no bigger lesson this week.  Stay Still.  And when I'm Still the other Rs who are friends of Resistance don't creep in like Reaction and Resentment and Retaliation.  Another R who is a Rebel and not a friend of Resistance joins the party and that is Respect.  I can Respect a difference in opinion and experience. I came to the office today to work and I worked. I got through the script and turned in the submission despite other thoughts floating around me.  I just let them be there, floating and eventually they floated on by.

I've said that my big lesson lately is dealing with anxiety.  That I want to be creative without that anxiety.  Some would say that's impossible, that the pressure is a part of it all.  I love pressure. I love sitting in this office and feeling like I need to show up when there's another productive person here. It pushes me, like a workout buddy or a spotter.  I am inspired to push harder and to dig deeper.  And that's what I really had to really Reflect on this week.  How can I continue to push when things are falling apart around me, including my crashing desk.  Why did Resistance show up for a visit this week and make its presence known?

I'm onto something, that's why.  And when I'm onto something, the molecules around me change.  The Universe reminded me this week that I'm tapped into the Flow.  And for that I'm thankful.  As tumultuous as this week has been, ultimately I am thankful for it.  I think it will prove to be helpful in the weeks to come.

I kept wondering when Resistance was going to show up to show me I was on the right track. And it came this week with a Vengeance.

I am grateful for Resistance.
I am grateful for dedicated space.
I am grateful for a consistent writing practice.
I am grateful for a meditation practice that keeps me still.
I am grateful for the chance to realign myself.