I'm a guy who wants to write TV shows. So I do a lot of TV watching. When I'm bored. When I'm happy. When I'm excited. When I'm researching. When I'm sad. When I'm looking for something else to watch. I watch a lot of TV. Or I watch a lot of things on the TV from the comforts of my bed. HBO GO. Netflix. You Tube. I watch it all a lot. I don't think it's a waste of time.
I wasn't one of those kids who grew up with restricted TV times. I watched TV and ate in front of it all of the time. I watched TV morning to night during the summer when I was out of school. My parents didn't care. They just told me not to sit too close to the TV so not to ruin my eyes. But they had no qualms about constant exposure. They didn't think that would affect my vision in the future. I could watch 12 hours of TV a day as long as I was at least six feet away from the television set.
So you would think I would grow up to be an idiot. Right? That's a lot of TV. So of course that meant that I at some point imagined my life as a TV show. As a child, I wished and dreamt about joining the cast of The Facts of Life as Andy's ethnic friend who came from a broken home and liked to sing show tunes. There were always new cast members brought in midway through a show's run to liven things up and breathe life into a dying show. These were human pacemakers. They kept them going until the inevitable cancellation would happen. Shows when I grew up would run 8, 9, 10…14 seasons. That was considered a success.
Nowadays with all the platforms and the ability to sell a show to Netflix or Amazon or Hulu, shows don't have to last as long. So the show that I now imagine myself being on is a little different. It's a niche show. It's a quieter show. It's got a distinct sensibility. It's an acquired taste. And since I'm an acquired taste, I guess the kind of show I imagine my life as now is much more truer to who I am.
So I was watching Meron (IFC) on Netflix earlier, which I had never seen. I always meant to watch it. Like everything. I have anxiety (which is offset due to my hours of quiet and meditation) about all the TV that I have to watch. There are so many things that are available to me now that I just click past everything and rarely land on anything to watch. I usually go back to something I've seen before because it's safe. But every once in a while, something new will creep in and today it was Meron, which is like Marc Meron's Curb Your Enthusiasm. Or Louie. It's got a little more of a set up than Louie, so I think it's a bit more accessible to me. I love Louie and I think he's brilliant. I do agree that he's doing a Woody Allen film every week and it's more of an auteur approach (that's my film school education coming out), so I admire it for its ambition. But I'm a Facts of Life guy, so I also appreciate things that feel a bit more staged. It's the TV diet I was raised on.
So that got me thinking about what my life would be like as TV show. I'm a writer without a gig who spends his days at the library with friends writing. I have writers groups I go to and writers I hang out with. I have a wonderful boyfriend who's gone a lot at gigs (in a recurring role, but still central to the plot). But my main posse are these writer friends of mine. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time with Carrie, who I meet up with every Wednesday at the Weho library. We reserve a private room and write. Usually we just talk a lot and then write in the last 45 minutes, since we only have the room for two hours. That is, if we get a room right away. If we have to wait an hour, then we meet downstairs at the coffee shop to chat and catch up. Then we write for two hours. It keeps us both motivated. Carrie's such a positive person and a lot of fun. We have a lot in common and we keep our standing dates on Wednesday. But Carrie's also always late and can never get to the room on time. Although, she did once, which was a surprise (that might be a stand alone episode). And she always has a story about why she's late, which would make a great running gag.
I'm a gay man. But I have two men in my life who I feel very close to. Somehow, the three of us became a little group of our own after the Men's Creativity Group I put together disbanded due to some turmoil between me and another member of the original group (backstory that doesn't make it onto the series). I met Cory through my playwrights group and he's married to Tory. They're a fantastic couple, but I have created a special bond with Cory. To be honest, he makes me feel really smart. He's from Oklahoma. I'm from Downey. We're both guys from simple backgrounds who live a life far removed from where we started. Cory and I go to plays together. We talk a lot about heady stuff. We drink beers. It's an all around good time. And Cory's a hipster who's either in denial or oblivious to his hipster status. We went to go see Selma together in Silverlake on MLK Day. I don't know what commentary that's supposed to make. But it felt totally right.
And then there's David, my Ninj. David's a playwright who I met at a holiday party three years ago. We would always run into each other at different events and say hi. But I didn't really know him that well. We were always friendly. I totally thought he was gay and flirting with me. Then I found out he was married and convinced that he was still flirting with me and while I wouldn't count on it, I probably made some sort of agreement with myself that if the opportunity ever presented itself that I would let things happen. Then we ran into each other at this theatre festival last year and our friendship kind of blossomed. I don't remember how it happened, but we started our bromance officially at that theatre festival. We had nicknames for each other and became pals. Then he started coming to the office I had at the time. And we just started gelling as human beings. I dig what he's about. I no longer have a crush on him. For real. We became pals along the way and I value him in my life. I value both of them. And that's the glue that keeps the show together. They're my Miranda and Charlotte. Because obviously I'm Carrie (not my friend Carrie, but Bradshaw). I'm probably Samantha too.
But just like the friendships grounded that show, my friendships ground my life. Of course, I have other friends who I value deeply. But these are the folks who are free during the day and who take up much of my time. And I really miss them when we don't get to see each other. The truth is Carrie, Dave and Cory make me feel smart, valued and validated because they're so smart and talented. I value their opinion. They aren't harsh critics. They're gushing supporters. They don't have an agenda and they aren't competitive. I used to think that my friendships needed to be all about "keeping it real." But at a certain point, I realized that keeping it real didn't have to feel critical. Many people who were in my life who "kept it real" were just being judgmental and critical to boost themselves. I'm not down with that.
So if my life was a TV show, those would be the folks in it. Of course, I would be in every scene. But those would be the main recurring characters who would make me reflect on something in my life or who would help me gain clarity. They would also be comic relief. And I have other friends who are insightful and wonderful. And longtime pals. I have my best friend, Alanna, who is always a part of my life and knows me better than anyone. I have my boyfriend who's there to hold me and make me feel less alone. He's there to gently remind me when I need to cool my jets. He's also excellent eye candy. But he's also a big reminder of where my heart is these days. He lets me be me and gives me my space. He allows me to miss him and he allows me to feel love. He's helping me to open up. So even though he isn't seen in every episode, his presence is deeply felt. He's everywhere.
So speaking of writing, I'm meeting with my dramaturg tomorrow who is going to help me break down the notes from my reading on Tuesday. We've got five and a half weeks to get the play into some sort of formation. I'm excited about that. I'm jotting down ideas for a new take on my pilot. And I'm working an event with Cory tomorrow for our friend Lisa. My life is full right now. It's good. I'm still figuring things out, but there's always something to took forward to. There's always a reason to tune in.
I am grateful for friendships.
I am grateful for my dramaturg.
I am grateful for writing that will keep me busy for the first half of this year.
I am grateful for love.
I am grateful for a peaceful Friday.
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