Bad Taste

I remember having all sorts of judgment when I would meet a writer and they would tell me that they didn't have a manager or agent. I would think, "Well, they can't be that good." And I haven't had representation for a year and a half. I decided that I need to reclaim myself as a writer after having given myself up to other people so they could tell me what was good writing and what was right for me. I realize now that--for me--those people didn't know what was in my best interest. In some cases, they didn't even have great taste. And it's not about being unintelligent or bad. But if your taste doesn't align with my taste, then it's not great taste. It's not a judgment call. But if I'm a writer and you represent me, I need you to believe that what I'm doing is great. Otherwise, it's all bad taste.

Frankly, that's the way that all of us should feel. I'm a smart guy. I read a lot. I take in a lot of information: online articles, news, TV, film, theatre. I've cultivated a certain taste in my years on this earth. At this point in my life, my writing has achieved a certain professional quality. I honestly wasn't a very good writer when I was under the supervision of these representatives. Because I wasn't being true to myself. At a certain point, that ability began to atrophy. I was typing a lot of things and calling it writing. Even my plays started not being that great. And that was always my "thing."

But then a series of events happened. I went away on a spiritual retreat for a weekend and took some drugs. My senses were opened and then I went to an art exhibit at the Getty. My mind just started making connections without fear or interference. I had a complicated play structured in about three days. Then I had my break up. I picked that play up nine months later. And I put together a workshop. I realized what I could do again in that three week workshop.  And even before all of that happened, I wrote three really mediocre plays in about six months. I had to get my sea legs again. And once I had them, this play came out of me.

But nothing really happened with it, other than a few readings locally. Then I wrote another play that I thought would do something. That play didn't. I wrote another play that I felt kind of blah about. But it was an idea I was excited about. And that play has gotten some attention. It has gotten some readings, etc. Then I embarked on a new play this year. I had an intensive eight month process. I fully engaged with my instincts for eight months. None of that could have happened if I had people with bad taste whispering in my ear.

If you're trying to become a TV staff writer, it's not a good business strategy to spend eight months working on one play for free without the promise of anything other than a final staged reading. But for me, I couldn't stop. I love this play. I love what it's about. I love how I wrote it. I am excited about it. I tried to write other things while working on the play. But I couldn't. And it's not because I can't write two or three things at once. Right now, I'm working on a new pilot while writing a new play. And last week, while I was working on both back and forth, I snuck in a new ten minute play for a theatre company (that I'm also going to send to the National 10 minute Play Contest). I also have a re-imagining of a play I wrote last year waiting in the wings. All of these things I plan on getting done by the end of the year. See, I don't have a problem multi-tasking or being "productive." But the play would not let go of me and I trusted that told me everything about what I needed to be working on. And the end result pleased me greatly.

I've noticed a shift in my thinking. I used to think so strategically. Like…if I do this and this then THAT great big thing that I want to happen will happen. I used to think it was all in my control. And while I now realize that was a silly thought, it forced me to learn about things I didn't know. I became better informed about the business. But like they say in acting…do all of your research and preparation then throw it all way and just do the scene

That's now how I'm living my life. I'm just throwing it all away and doing the scene. I've done as much preparation as one can do. So now all I have to do is just concentrate on the work because I know everything I need to know.

I am grateful for this dimly lit room at the library.
I am grateful to have a private study room to myself.
I am grateful for Jeremy Jordan's rendition of "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" for its mixture of earnest, honest great singing and irony.
I am grateful for books.
I am grateful for 90 minute conversations with my best friend of 31 years.
I am grateful for what is new.
I am grateful for what I know.
I am grateful for the sun.
I am grateful for laughter.
I am grateful for quiet.