Day Jobs

This week I have been focused on day jobs. The thought of having a day job has been messing with my mind lately. It brings to mind thoughts of settling and failure. But I love having a roof over my head and eating. I am trying to refocus my perspective on day jobs. I love having a free and open schedule to write and I have been taking advantage of it. The hard part has been feeling like I need to fill all of my time with writing or anything that has to do anything with writing because I'm lucky to have this time to write. Gratitude has made it easier for me to be productive. I used to get stuck in my head with thoughts of unworthiness if I had a moment where I wasn't writing. Like if I was grabbing a sandwich, getting on a phone call, or masturbating then I felt like I was a failure.

I think about plies, the knee bends that you do in dance. Without going low and prepping, you can't jump high. So it's about the moments of rest as much as it is about the moments of energy. It's such an easy and true idea that it's easy to forget. So I have to be grateful for those moments of rest. Where did this feeling come from that we had to be every productive every second of the day? That we never have to refuel? Now I get it, people can make a whole day out of refueling and never burn off that energy. I get that. The attraction of a day job is that sort of security that you don't have to think about what you're going to do, you just get told what to do and your time gets filled up for you. And then you get money for doing the thing that you're told to do. Yes, there's an aspect of it that is being on auto pilot. And that feels nice sometimes to not have to self-motivate.

But I love living a conscious life. That doesn't mean I can't have a day job. It goes back to that thought that we have to treat our creativity like a job. You have to clock in. You have to work for a while and not stop working. You have to take a break. You have to work some more without interruption and then you have to clock out. But don't I do that now? Yes, it's a little more free form. But that's the work I do now. However, before I start a task, I over think it. The great thing about a day job is that you have a task, you do it. You have another task, you do it. Not a lot of thinking. My creative life could benefit a lot from that way of thinking. It's not precious, it's just a task. The beauty is already in there, like water in pipes. All I need to do is turn on the faucet and let the water flow. The artistic self and the creativity and the genius is the water. The work is the faucet that gets turned on. The faucet doesn't create the water. It doesn't make it. It's already made. Just like my creativity. It's already made. The flow is about how free and clear that path is. But the day job is just the faucet, it's just the ability to turn on. It's a switch. It's not the light itself.

So I just have to decide how I'm going to turn on. I have a day job now. And it's writing. But it needs to pay more.

I am grateful for analogies.
I am grateful for insight.
I am grateful for phone conversations that motivate me.
I am grateful for belief.
I am grateful for my strong work ethic.
I am grateful that I don't stop.