A Piece of Advice (to Yourself)

The best advice I think I've been given (other than saying YES to everything, which apparently Shonda Rhimes now agrees with) is to give yourself advice. We listen to other people attentively. We give advice abundantly. But it seems that we can't do the things we tell other people they should be doing. So the best thing to do is to write down advice for yourself as if you were giving it to someone else.

I just did this as I worked on my journal for my 21 Day Meditation Challenge with Oprah and Deepak. And when it was suggested that I write down advice as if I was giving it to someone else, that felt brilliant. It made perfect sense.

So here is my attempt to give myself advice:

• Be easy on yourself: Every time you think you need to get tougher with yourself, don't. You never give yourself a break. All you do is push, push, push. And sometimes you just need a day, an hour, or ten minutes off. You're not going to lose ground just because you took some time for yourself. You work so much harder than you think. Everyone around you knows it, why don't you? So when you have the itch to get tough, go the opposite way. Be nicer to yourself.
• Naps: There's nothing more refreshing than a good nap. Why did you hate them so much when you were a kid? They are delicious! They replenish. They make you feel like a kid. Naps are just as indulgent as white truffles and private planes. Or at least that's how we treat them. So why not "treat yo self" to a nap a day? Seriously. One a day. When you get tired, lay down. It doesn't have to be for an hour. But it also CAN be for an hour. Oooh! That feels so naughty and that's why it's fun to do. You'll wake up feeling like you did something for yourself and that can provide some motivation. Once you start doing good things for yourself, it's hard to stop. That's the point.
• Make a plan, but don't feel like you need to stick to it: There's an old adage, "Make plans and God laughs." But it's feels like you're doing something when you make a plan. It feels like work. But then you need to follow up your plan or goal with work. And don't get hung up on the plan. This is the theory of systems versus goals. And this dynamic has changed my life. It's the same principal as another old adage, "It's not the journey, but the destination." That doesn't mean that you don't have direction. You have plenty of direction and you get to where you're going by putting one foot in front of the other. You don't just decide that you want to go somewhere and magically appear there. Focusing on the labor versus the fruits of that labor helps keep you focused on what you're trying to do. It also makes each step feel achievable instead of looking at the grandness of the goal. Being distracted by the work makes any fruits of that labor feel like a surprise. But it's like staring at water waiting for it to boil. Focusing so directly on a goal instead of what needs to be done to get that goal feels like you're waiting an eternity for some thing to happen.
• Distract Yourself: This is something I'm getting into. It's helping me manage expectation. It's my natural way that when I finish something, I expect something in return. I'm waiting there with my proverbial hand out waiting for my reward. And while I'm waiting, I'm not doing anything else. I get frustrated because I really want my reward. And the longer I wait there, the more frustrated I get. Again, it's like I'm standing there waiting for the water to boil. That way of thinking started making me angry, frustrated and bitter. This past year I spent a lot of time with a lot of support writing a new play that I--and others--think is pretty good. So of course my instinct--after sending it out to many theaters and producing organizations--is to sit and wait for the good things to happen. But I already knew that would drive me crazy. So I started a new play. I started a new pilot and set a deadline for myself to write it in October. Then I got 14 other people to start the same challenge with me. Totally selfish. But it was a way for me to make this deadline real. Then that deadline turned into another deadline to write the rewrite in a month. I then decided to start another pilot revamp the same month. And a theatre asked me to write a short piece for their holiday party and we started rehearsing it. It sounds like I need a shit ton of distraction to keep me from waiting for water to boil. And I do. Because when a friend mentioned that she had heard about something I had submitted to, I instantly started obsessing about it. I'm still obsessing about it. But then I had to get some paperwork in for a job I'm starting in January. And now I'm writing this blog entry.
• You can never be too nice to yourself: You're willing to beat yourself up at the drop of a hat and you do it in ways that you don't even know you do it. So now you have carte blanche to be nice to yourself. That can be with a nap. That can be with some chocolate after you finished a scene. You have license to be as nice to yourself as you want to as often as you can.
• Reward Yourself Well and Often: That goes along with being nice to yourself. After you finish that thought. Or that sentence. Or that scene. Or that act. Or that script. It's okay to make yourself feel good to combat the bad feelings. Sometimes you need to be so good to yourself because you know that underneath it all you're making yourself feel so bad. I've been feeling shitty about myself after finishing every draft I've finished over the past year. The shitty feelings are getting acutely worse. And that's just my signal to be so good to myself that I can't stand it. It's actually a call to arms.
• Share what you know: Be generous. Don't be stingy with offering yourself to those you love and respect. Read things. Give feedback. Practice being a good friend and note giver. It all comes back to you. When you do good things and feel good about yourself, it's just easier to be more excited and productive.
• Meditate: Every Day. Please. Modification: Spend time every day where you don't listen to any music or noise. And just be quiet. If you can do that for hours at a time, that's great! If it's just your shower time or your work commute time. Then that's wonderful too.
• The harder you work the more you realize you'll have a need for breaks.

I'm sure other things will come up. But those are the things that are feeling especially present to me right now. These are great reminders. And when it feels like it's advice to someone else, it's easier to take. And easier to give. Turns out, I'm much nicer to other people than I am to myself.

I am grateful for a quiet house.

I am grateful for chores.

I am grateful for food prep.

I am grateful for love.

I am grateful for Adele's "Hello."

I am grateful for my computer.

I am grateful for laundry I have to fold later.

I am grateful for a messy house that I have to clean up.

I am grateful for snacks.