That title feels very self-helpy. Maybe it is. I'm not going to shy away from that. Maybe it's because I'm in San Francisco this weekend that I don't feel a skepticism about doing conscious work on myself. I've had so many conversations with guys this weekend that felt very rooted in them knowing who they are. I have had a whole city of men I've been in contact with who reflect back to me an assurance and a brightness in the eyes that indicates that they are living in the moment.
That doesn't mean I should move to San Francisco. That's not where my work is. But I love focusing on that energy and being connected to it. Right now I'm looking out the window at my friend Bill's house and I see the white blanket of cloudiness. I am in a bed full of white. There's a brightness and an awakens that I'm surrounded by: white light. And I've taken in the reflection of that positive energy all weekend. I've got dancing. I've worked my body. I've eaten well. This entire weekend has been about self care and surrounding myself with friendship and love.
It's important to have that self care and self love reflected back and to remind myself that the work is not over. The work is a constant. I decided to look back at a post from January where I set some intentions. I had a list of things I needed to do in order for things to happen. Those things did not happen in order. And it's April and I've been staffed on a show since February, which was the thing that was at the end of my list.
So what now?
We continue…
Stay in the present moment, which was the point of my meditation this morning. Be aware. All of these good things have happened, I have a new manager now. I'm excited for the adventure of it all. I'm finishing up my commitment to teaching next weekend with the project I'm working on with my students. I will have free time to go back to work and get started on the second half of our season. This weekend was all about renewal. I have been running on reserve energy for some time. I haven't had the chance to decompress and release from the breakup in January. I went straight to work pretty much and haven't stopped.
I have a lot to achieve, but it's important to stop and be in the moment. The work is going to continue. I have my next "Challenge" in my Year of Challenges ahead of me, to rewrite a play I wrote two years ago for a reading coming up. I've had one reading of this play a year for the past two years. This will be the third reading. I've learned so much about myself as a writer in the past two years that it will be great to take those lessons and work on the play now. I've got some incredible notes from my dramaturg that I"m psyched about. So I'm ready for that work to begin. But I'm not making any new plans just yet.
I had talked about keeping my launch pad clear for opportunities to come. I don't know what I'm going to be working on beyond April. My show will be wrapping up and I have to have the same fearlessness I had about my life when I had no money. Having security doesn't mean that I should start living my life in a way to hold onto that security with an iron grip. Being open got me hear and being open will get me to the next place on this great adventure. I 'am not going to give up my free spirit for a paycheck.
I've got the play I just finished in February that seems to be getting people's attention. I want to do work on that as well. I trust that the work I have been doing will get me the next job - or the next few jobs. I will work consistently on what I need to and I won't stop. But I'm not going to stress out over where I need to be next. I'm learning to let go of that. It keeps me confined.
I've done well for myself by having the attitude of being open and leaving a clear space for the rocket ships to land. I'm going to stay in that present moment.
I am grateful to my friend Bill.
I am grateful for the love and kindness and friendship I've felt this weekend.
I am grateful that I get to see college friends starting today.
I am grateful that there is self love in my life.
I am grateful that I am going it alone.
I am grateful that I have a free spirit.
I am grateful that I am excited for life.
I am grateful for my Madonna tee shirt and my Divine tee shirt.
I am grateful that I am representing myself for myself to the fullest extent.
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