Where I'm Going

I've been in Portland for a few days with my brother, our mom and his family to hang and be together. I've had a lot of play time with the niece and nephews. We've danced around the house a lot and made tamales and open presents and taken silly pictures. I always feel like I recharge whenever I'm here. I'm also incredibly reflective when I'm here over the holidays. Last year, my brother and I had it out in a serious conversation. And in this past year, I've made some leaps and bounds in my career. I've also grown as a person who feels comfortable in his own skin.

And a lot of that has to do with work. I've worked a lot and learned a lot while working. So while I've grown a lot in these twelve months, I look ahead to 2017 and think about where I'm going.

I have papers to grade this week because I start work right when I get back to town. I'm probably going to be doing some work while I'm in Portland because we have some extra prep to do. I love getting back to work. I love being busy. I love having stuff to do and I love having a strict schedule. I've been very good on my own, but having the discipline of being on a show helps me a lot. I'm actually more productive with my own stuff while I'm working on shows. I don't have time to slack. Of course, I end up being exhausted beyond belief when everything's said and done. But it's where I thrive.

In January, I get back to work. I'm possibly teaching two classes and I'm producing a reading for my theatre company. I'm hitting all of the areas of my life that bring me joy and sustain me. I'm working professionally. I'm teaching professionally. And I'm working with my professional theatre company on projects.What I learned last year is that I'm fully capable of juggling projects and keeping busy. But what is it that I'm spending my time doing and what am I gaining? Those are the questions that I think about as I head into this next year of growth and expansion.

I spent 2014 and 2015 being super productive and writing a total of about 3000 pages. I spent 2016 making money. And what about the next year? I want to write and produce television. Period. I have a long term goal of directing for theatre and TV once I have a show of my own to run. And what am I doing to achieve that goal? I am directing a workshop in June. I am getting more experience writing and producing on our show. I want to parlay that into the projects I am working on myself. I have to finish my pilot I've been working on so that I can close out the year and have a fresh clean slate. This year changed me as a writer. I want to see who that writer is in the real, working, professional world. I am writing in my voice. I have a confidence I didn't have before. I know the play I wrote this year will take me places I hadn't imagined in this coming year. I don't know how that will show up. But I know that I have changed my DNA as a writer. I have changed my molecules. That has to show up - that's the way energy works.

Each year keeps getting deeper and bigger. I am more invested in myself than I ever have been. I have a level of seriousness and focus I never had. That's because I am releasing myself. I'm not slowing down and I'm not backing down. I'm not afraid of my own power. And I'm not looking to anyone to validate me. That has never been true in the course of my life. My ex boyfriend challenged me recently, "Who is THIS person showing up in a relationship?" We were talking about when I'm ready to be in a relationship again, what kind of person will I be? The answer is THIS person now. Not the person before. And that has to be the case for the rest of my life. The person showing up NOW is the person who is creating all of these opportunities. Over the summer, when I talked to the psychic at the K Spa, he said that what you do to your body has immediate effect and makes an imprint on your DNA in that moment. So if you conceive, that child born is a snapshot of that exact moment. And you can change that imprint from moment to moment. I didn't think of it this way at the time, but it's an excellent metaphor for every moment of your life. What I am doing now is affecting what I am conceiving for myself - my own perception and reality. I can change it for the better and for the worse in the moment. It's only one instant away to make it better - and to pull away from my true purpose. That's so profound because that means that you can recover from mistakes quickly. Just make the right choice. Get back on the horse. Don't keep making bad choices, choose differently.

The person I am now is going to show up throughout this year. The person who wrote that play. The person who got that job. The person who got rehired and then got a triple bump in credit. The person who joined a theatre company and started affecting change. The person who made his nephews laugh and made an impression that his niece and nephews can't stop wanting to be around him. The person who made a lasting impression on his students this semester. THAT'S the guy showing up every day. And that guy was a result of the person who had been showing up before that. So this year's going to be great because I'm going to keep going.

So where am I going? I don't know. But I know that I'm progressing. I know that this next year will be one of growth, progress and expansion. It will be on of learning. And I will continue creating work that means something to me and that will result in more opportunities because that's what feels right instinctively.

My intention is expansion.
My intention is trust.
My intention is happiness.
My intention is to work.
My intention is more.
My intention is adventure.

I am grateful for a week off.
I am grateful for a change of location.
I am grateful for my teas.
I am grateful for a new running sweatshirt.
I am grateful for hugs.
I am grateful for moments with the three munchkins who remind me to be open.
I am grateful for sweet, small memories.
I am grateful for strong friendships with people who live far away.
I am grateful for hope.