It has been such a busy month that I only have 11 blog posts (not including this one) written. The pattern for me this year has been that the more I write, the more I blog. The busier I am with stuff, the more I had thoughts that I had to blog about. That didn't completely happen this month. Here's a breakdown of what I got from this month based on what I was up to:
September 1-4: Workin' on my Movie
I had a screenplay due. I had a screenplay I was trying to write in five weeks. So the first few days of the month were full of writing to get this script done. I knew I was going to be writing a new script in October, so I was trying to get all of my prep work done and wanted to finish the screenplay so I could move on to other stuff. I finished the screenplay one day before its due date and turned it in.
September 9: Meditating for a Mentor/ Desk Fell
I had a tarot card reading that kept revealing that I would meet a woman with dark hair and dark eyes who would be a mentor to me. I decided on this day to meditate on this woman coming into my life. So I did. And an hour later, the woman who seems to be the clearest representation of who that woman could be called me. We set up a coffee date for the following week. Then my desk collapsed. At the time, I took it as a sign that the Universe wanted me to go home and rest up since I had been working hard and consistently over the past five weeks. But upon thinking about it further, I think Resistance, that force that keeps us from doing the thing we are meant to be doing, was at work. There was definitely an energy push back that was going on.
September 11: Challenge
9/11. Significant for many reasons. My boyfriend and I celebrate our month anniversaries and we met on the 11th of July. He was out of town, so I was celebrating that alone. But I had a difficult conversation with a friend. Our purposes were at odds with each other. But it reminded me that Resistance isn't too far away when you are reaching for a goal. Now I could have been upset with this person, but I understand that he was just expressing what was in him to express. Resistance had taken human form and spoke through my friend. It wasn't personal. But it had smelled what I was up to and decided to put up a road block.
September 17: Share the Wealth
This woman who might be a mentor for me had asked me to meet with someone about the theatre scene in LA. We had a great chat about life in LA and writing and trying to find your bearings. It was a lovely conversation and I felt like I needed to share some of what I knew.
September 19: Meet Up
I had coffee with this potential mentor figure for two hours. We chatted about a lot of things and at the end of the conversation I felt inspired. She had suggested I write about a subject I've always been interested in, but never thought to write about. After our coffee, I went and worked with my friend in our office. Then I drove home and started thinking about this new idea. By the drive home, I had the entire series worked out in my head. Then I went home and wrote it up.
September 20: Idea Share
This was our big group idea share. Eleven writers talking about their ideas and getting feedback. Glorious. It was inspiring.
Then I got together with an old group of friends and realized how much things had changed. My life was starting to take a different shape and I was okay with that. I need different things now.
September 22-26: Working on the New Idea
So the new idea started to take shape. I can't work on a TV idea if I don't know what the show's going to be. I can't just know what the script is going to be. It seems useless to me now if I just try to write something good in 65 pages. I have to know the world. I have to know what I'm referencing. I need to give it a shape. And this week was putting that together. The big lesson I had this week was patience. I just needed to let myself get into the idea. At one point, I thought I would work on two scripts, but with this new idea, I knew that one was enough. Five scripts this year is plenty. Let's not push it.
September 27: Writers Talking
I went to a party at a friend's house to kick off this TV and Film Writing Challenge that I am working on with my playwrights group. Had great conversations with great writers. It has been kind of terrific. Stayed late. Past my bed time.
September 28: Change of Scenery
Got an email from my office mate that he was giving up the office. Decided not to take on the lease. I realized that I had a great five months there and it was the perfect time to move on after I finished this script in October. The office had been a great home for me and now it was time for a new home. Again, change is something I've become more comfortable with and that I now welcome.
September 30: End of the Month
Got my outline done today. I had a goal that I wanted it to be done by the time I had to start this challenge on October 1st and I finished it at the last minute. But now it's done and now I can start October on this writing challenge. I have a 12 page story bible and a three page outline. I am equipped to start working. I am not letting Resistance get me, in any of its forms. And it has been after me this month with a vengeance. But now I know what and who I need to be surrounded by. That is the clear message I have gotten all month. And like the saying goes, when you know what you want the Universe conspires to help you get it. And this month felt like 30 days of conspiring, setting the stage for the next part of my life.
I am grateful for insight.
I am grateful for instinct.
I am grateful for time and patience.
I am grateful for resilience.
I am grateful to know who I am.
I am grateful for September.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Welcoming the Unexpected
Four months ago, who would have guessed that I would have an office that I work out of and call home. Back in May, I started a chain of events that led me to this point. I went away to write three scripts that were due at the end of the month. I had money in my pocket from two fruitful paying jobs in April. So I was able to relax and drive up to Monterey to write for a week and stay with my friend Molly. It was exactly what I needed. I wrote about it in this blog and that inspired my friend Tim to lend me his office for three weeks when I got back. Then his office mate decided to leave and I took over the office. It was a real blessing over the past four months. I know I wouldn't have completed two scripts were it not for the office. I have another script I'm writing in October and then I'm taking two months to do some rewriting.
And now it's time to move on…
Money's getting a little tighter. Tim's giving up the space and I've decided not to take it on. I had some thoughts about that this morning. And they weren't the expected freak outs of "what am I going to do now?" Being in this space for the past four months has allowed me to create a practice around my writing. I know that practice will continue. Another friend has already offered me a space in an apartment building she's thinking of purchasing. So I know I will have somewhere to go.
My space is taking me through the writing of a pilot script in October. That's as long as I need it for the year. And that frees me up. It doesn't keep me tied to my space. Maybe there's travel on the horizon. Maybe there's more work on the horizon. I see it as freedom more than anything. And I am thankful that it was there when I needed it. I will have written five scripts this year and creating this space together with Tim was a big part of that.
I'm excited because I think it means that changes are underway.
I used to be afraid of change. But I realize that a lot of personal and professional growth has happened for me when things change. I now know what a creative space looks like. I know what a creative practice looks like. And I know how to set up shop elsewhere.
I am grateful for the past four months of productivity.
I am grateful for the next month of change.
I am grateful for the ideas that are formulating around this new pilot idea.
I am grateful to have a community of writer friends.
I am grateful for what's to come.
And now it's time to move on…
Money's getting a little tighter. Tim's giving up the space and I've decided not to take it on. I had some thoughts about that this morning. And they weren't the expected freak outs of "what am I going to do now?" Being in this space for the past four months has allowed me to create a practice around my writing. I know that practice will continue. Another friend has already offered me a space in an apartment building she's thinking of purchasing. So I know I will have somewhere to go.
My space is taking me through the writing of a pilot script in October. That's as long as I need it for the year. And that frees me up. It doesn't keep me tied to my space. Maybe there's travel on the horizon. Maybe there's more work on the horizon. I see it as freedom more than anything. And I am thankful that it was there when I needed it. I will have written five scripts this year and creating this space together with Tim was a big part of that.
I'm excited because I think it means that changes are underway.
I used to be afraid of change. But I realize that a lot of personal and professional growth has happened for me when things change. I now know what a creative space looks like. I know what a creative practice looks like. And I know how to set up shop elsewhere.
I am grateful for the past four months of productivity.
I am grateful for the next month of change.
I am grateful for the ideas that are formulating around this new pilot idea.
I am grateful to have a community of writer friends.
I am grateful for what's to come.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Instinct
Sometimes when you're trying to figure out what you're writing, you have to figure out what you're not writing.
I'm working on a new idea. It's a world that I don't think has been written about in an authentic way. During our Idea Share, I spoke about what I am trying to write to the group. And in an email exchange today, a friend of mine asked me about the idea. He mentioned everything I realize my show isn't. I had made a list of things that I want to do with this show and he suggested I do it as a period piece in the 1980s. But I realize that by skewing too close to that era, it will come off as a night time soap from that era. I'm already writing a serialized drama.
The point is, I want to hold to my vision. And I do appreciate my friend's advice. Then I thought about what would happen when people would give me advice in the past. I would waiver. I would doubt my own instinct. I would question if what I wanted to do was the right thing to do. And when my friend suggested things that I knew were not my story…1) I knew it right away; 2) I held firm in what I know this story is.
When did that change? When did I stop being the person who wanted to please everyone? When did I become the person who didn't doubt his own intelligence anytime anyone challenged his ideas? When did I become the person who didn't back down because he was afraid of being disliked? When did I gain this amount of confidence?
I know what I want. I know that going down this road with the story is a harder way to go. But I also know what I am going to do and why I am going to do it. Therefore, I will find a way that will make it work.
I think in the entertainment business one thing we don't depend on enough is our instinct. I worked in a TV entertainment office for seven years. For years during and after that, I thought I had wasted my time. I thought that I spent too much time there. But now that I talk to other writers who want to make a go of it in TV, I realize that I have an instinct about story. I have a way of writing that asks the big questions in a small way. I use the mundane everyday task of existing to comment on the universal questions of life. I make it personal. I don't forget about the things that make me a great writer when I'm trying to write a TV script.
I don't assume to know what people in TV want because I have worked in TV and I know that all they want is a brilliant script. It has to get to them from someone they trust. It has to be something that someone else seems to want. It needs to be from a writer who has a track record, either via recommendation or via demonstration. That means that the writer has to be vouched for from someone they know or already known for doing something of quality or note.
I had another friend recently remark that I work incredibly fast. I had one idea for a pilot that I wanted to write. I had done a ton of research. I realized that the idea wasn't ready yet. Either I needed to take a different angle or it wasn't a TV show. So I moved onto another idea that someone suggested to me and I soon had an idea for the show. When I talked to her about it, she said that I worked fast. I guess that's instinct. But it's also experience.
I have written 11 or 12 pilots on my own. I have read hundreds and hundreds of them. I have watched a lot of TV, studied a lot of TV, taken notes while watching TV. I have worked with writers on pitches. I have seen scripts by writers in the early stages. I have seen scripts that have gotten people work. I have seen scripts that have gotten on the air. These are muscles that are well-developed and exercised often.
I spent part of December and part of July reading scripts for a regional theatre. For very little money. People asked me why I did it. I said I did it to keep my skills sharp. It was only $15 dollars a script, but what it does to keep my eyes and ears sharp is invaluable.
I write because I love it. I write because I have to. I don't write to make a living.
But I write every day. So what that says to people who know me, who know of me, and who I meet is that I am a writer. So if you do it enough, eventually they pay you. And eventually, they realize that you're good and they should pay you a lot to do it. That's how it happens.
I am on the verge of writing five scripts this year. It's no surprise that I am having a problem with this one because it is presumably the last one of the year. It's the same problem I had in May when I had a spec to write for a submission. I had rewritten a play, rewritten a pilot and the spec was the last on the list. The spec took the longest, not only because it was written from scratch, but because it was the last one in my bunch. I had three scripts to write in a month. Sure I could write one. Even two. But when the third one came around, it took extra time. If I had the goal to write four scripts in a month, one two and three would have been done. And four would have lagged.
But this is my pace now. And now that I have conquered the task of productivity, these scripts are taking longer because now I know how much better they have to be. The next task is content. I am not discouraged by the fact that I am struggling with this idea and making the ideas I want to convey in this script come to life because I am doing something that can be done much easier. That's not what I want to do here. I also have a play that I am working on that has an easier way of being done because a lot of people have done it the easier way, or from the most obvious perspective. Not me. I have to make everything harder for myself. I have to learn the hard way. That's what my Dad used to say about me all the time growing up.
But doing the things the hard way have given me a lot of practice at failure, which means that it has given me a lot of practice. And when I nail it, I'm going to nail it hard. And it won't be anything like anyone else's work. It will be well crafted because I have learned through repetition and through continuing to raise the bar for myself.
It will be great. It will be solid storytelling. It will reveal important things about the human condition. And it will be seamless.
All of the repetition will be worth it. All of the reading and writing and watching will be worth it. Because it has built my instinct to a place where it is impenetrable. And that's good.
I am grateful for the time it has taken.
I am grateful for the space in which it takes place.
I am grateful for the challenges that have made me more resolute in my instinct.
I am grateful for the struggle.
I am grateful for the definition my life now has because I know what I want distinctly.
I'm working on a new idea. It's a world that I don't think has been written about in an authentic way. During our Idea Share, I spoke about what I am trying to write to the group. And in an email exchange today, a friend of mine asked me about the idea. He mentioned everything I realize my show isn't. I had made a list of things that I want to do with this show and he suggested I do it as a period piece in the 1980s. But I realize that by skewing too close to that era, it will come off as a night time soap from that era. I'm already writing a serialized drama.
The point is, I want to hold to my vision. And I do appreciate my friend's advice. Then I thought about what would happen when people would give me advice in the past. I would waiver. I would doubt my own instinct. I would question if what I wanted to do was the right thing to do. And when my friend suggested things that I knew were not my story…1) I knew it right away; 2) I held firm in what I know this story is.
When did that change? When did I stop being the person who wanted to please everyone? When did I become the person who didn't doubt his own intelligence anytime anyone challenged his ideas? When did I become the person who didn't back down because he was afraid of being disliked? When did I gain this amount of confidence?
I know what I want. I know that going down this road with the story is a harder way to go. But I also know what I am going to do and why I am going to do it. Therefore, I will find a way that will make it work.
I think in the entertainment business one thing we don't depend on enough is our instinct. I worked in a TV entertainment office for seven years. For years during and after that, I thought I had wasted my time. I thought that I spent too much time there. But now that I talk to other writers who want to make a go of it in TV, I realize that I have an instinct about story. I have a way of writing that asks the big questions in a small way. I use the mundane everyday task of existing to comment on the universal questions of life. I make it personal. I don't forget about the things that make me a great writer when I'm trying to write a TV script.
I don't assume to know what people in TV want because I have worked in TV and I know that all they want is a brilliant script. It has to get to them from someone they trust. It has to be something that someone else seems to want. It needs to be from a writer who has a track record, either via recommendation or via demonstration. That means that the writer has to be vouched for from someone they know or already known for doing something of quality or note.
I had another friend recently remark that I work incredibly fast. I had one idea for a pilot that I wanted to write. I had done a ton of research. I realized that the idea wasn't ready yet. Either I needed to take a different angle or it wasn't a TV show. So I moved onto another idea that someone suggested to me and I soon had an idea for the show. When I talked to her about it, she said that I worked fast. I guess that's instinct. But it's also experience.
I have written 11 or 12 pilots on my own. I have read hundreds and hundreds of them. I have watched a lot of TV, studied a lot of TV, taken notes while watching TV. I have worked with writers on pitches. I have seen scripts by writers in the early stages. I have seen scripts that have gotten people work. I have seen scripts that have gotten on the air. These are muscles that are well-developed and exercised often.
I spent part of December and part of July reading scripts for a regional theatre. For very little money. People asked me why I did it. I said I did it to keep my skills sharp. It was only $15 dollars a script, but what it does to keep my eyes and ears sharp is invaluable.
I write because I love it. I write because I have to. I don't write to make a living.
But I write every day. So what that says to people who know me, who know of me, and who I meet is that I am a writer. So if you do it enough, eventually they pay you. And eventually, they realize that you're good and they should pay you a lot to do it. That's how it happens.
I am on the verge of writing five scripts this year. It's no surprise that I am having a problem with this one because it is presumably the last one of the year. It's the same problem I had in May when I had a spec to write for a submission. I had rewritten a play, rewritten a pilot and the spec was the last on the list. The spec took the longest, not only because it was written from scratch, but because it was the last one in my bunch. I had three scripts to write in a month. Sure I could write one. Even two. But when the third one came around, it took extra time. If I had the goal to write four scripts in a month, one two and three would have been done. And four would have lagged.
But this is my pace now. And now that I have conquered the task of productivity, these scripts are taking longer because now I know how much better they have to be. The next task is content. I am not discouraged by the fact that I am struggling with this idea and making the ideas I want to convey in this script come to life because I am doing something that can be done much easier. That's not what I want to do here. I also have a play that I am working on that has an easier way of being done because a lot of people have done it the easier way, or from the most obvious perspective. Not me. I have to make everything harder for myself. I have to learn the hard way. That's what my Dad used to say about me all the time growing up.
But doing the things the hard way have given me a lot of practice at failure, which means that it has given me a lot of practice. And when I nail it, I'm going to nail it hard. And it won't be anything like anyone else's work. It will be well crafted because I have learned through repetition and through continuing to raise the bar for myself.
It will be great. It will be solid storytelling. It will reveal important things about the human condition. And it will be seamless.
All of the repetition will be worth it. All of the reading and writing and watching will be worth it. Because it has built my instinct to a place where it is impenetrable. And that's good.
I am grateful for the time it has taken.
I am grateful for the space in which it takes place.
I am grateful for the challenges that have made me more resolute in my instinct.
I am grateful for the struggle.
I am grateful for the definition my life now has because I know what I want distinctly.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Idea Share
Yesterday, I had a transformative experience. I sat in a conference room with 11 other writers who had all committed to a goal of writing a television pilot script in the month of October. We committed four hours on a Saturday to listen to each other explain our creative ideas. Instead of making excuses...
- I have work to do.
- I'm busy.
- I have better ways to spend my time.
- I've got my own script to be working on.
- If I share, that means I'm taking away something from myself.
We decided to get together and share. And that's transformative because it's the Pro who knows that they aren't giving away opportunity by reaching out and helping others. I heard great ideas. I heard fully fleshed out great ideas. And I heard glimmers of great ideas. I heard ideas that are making people think and expanding their own idea of what they can do. I heard commercial ideas and non-commercial ideas. And we all had our own ways of getting to the same goal of writing a new script. Some people had notes. Other people spoke off the top of their heads. Some folks had fully fleshed out treatments that they read from. It was an excellent lesson in process. And it was a validation that we all have separate processes.
I needed that.
I am confident in my ability to generate ideas. I have been at it for a long time. So I was getting ready last week for this session and I felt like I had a solid idea. I had gone out to get a book on this idea. I had been researching for awhile. I was getting ready to set up some interviews. I was knee deep in this idea. Then I had a meeting with a business associate and this person gave me a new idea. Well, she didn't give it to me so much as dig something out in me that I hadn't put the spotlight on (more on that in a later blog post).
But what did I do initially? I pushed that idea to the side. Then I went back to my office and started working on the original idea. Then I was driving home and this new idea started to take shape. I had the structure of the series, the main character, the world, the concept, the next several seasons all begin to take shape on that drive home. Then I went to the office on Saturday before our session and started to work out those ideas. It became clear what I needed to work on. The ideas were flowing out of me.
With my other idea, I had the characters, the world and some conflicts. But it didn't just come together.
It was great for us to come together and share what we're working on with each other. I know all of these writers and I'm confident that they're pretty talented. And sitting down for four hours to hear all of these ideas seemed overwhelming at first, but it was great. I'm just happy to have a group of people I trust and a safe, pleasant space to work in. I felt like I was welcoming them into my creative home and it was terrific. The ideas were in various stages of readiness, and I felt like I learned a lot just by listening to the ideas and getting to comment on what I responded to.
I'm finding that it's rare to have a group of people I respect and who have the same interests, work ethic and ability. When all of those things come together, I feel like it's important to support that in whatever way possible.
I am grateful for friendships.
I am grateful for creative space.
I am grateful for kindness.
I am grateful to have a place to go to every day to write.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
The Turnaround
My mood can change on the turn of a dime. I guess it's that way with most writers. I like to think that I don't have any of the temperament that writers have stereotypically. But I do. I am moody. I can spend a lot of time alone. When I'm focused, I don't like to be bothered. But over the years, I've taken that to mean that I am taking my work seriously. I like to be fully present to whatever I'm doing at any given time. That includes relationship time and work time.
This week has been an eventful week in terms of working on a new idea. But last week was not that way at all. Last week was filled with distraction and strife. I think a lot of it had to do with my need to slow down. To take things as they come instead of willing things into being. I wanted to get to work on the next project right away, but the Universe had other plans. My desk collapsed. I couldn't focus. My stomach was really upset. My back ached. I just needed some rest.
And I came back to my work refreshed after I took the week to just lay around and to just sit in my stillness. It's like those moving walk ways at the airport. I was walking and the runway was moving and once I got on to still ground, I still had that sensation of moving. That was last week. I had finished the screenplay I was working on and I still felt momentum when I really needed to just stop. It's my nervous energy of feeling like I need to be doing something or I feel lazy, unmotivated or stuck. My mind kept racing last week and I didn't have any energy left.
On Tuesday, I went to my friend Jenn's place to write. I didn't feel inspired. I wasn't sure what this pilot was going to be about any more. I felt lost. Then I started looking up things on the internet and I found so much current information on the subject matter of this new pilot. It was overwhelming how much stuff I found that had been written this year. And then I knew that I was on the right track. The Universe was steering me in the right direction. So I just went with it.
Today, I am going to be doing research. And I am going to be happy about it. It's exactly what I should be doing. I am crafting the story for this pilot slowly. I am allowing breathing space to be inspired. I am allowing inspiration in, which I wouldn't be doing if I was just racing to get something done. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fast worker. I'm efficient. But the energy would have been to cram everything in during this time I have to work on my backstory. It would be desperate energy instead of creative energy. Instead of trusting energy. And that desperate energy usually results in anxiety and feeling like I'm not good enough. Who needs that?
I am, as Joss Whedon calls it, "filling the tank."
Mike White describes it as the open part of the creative work. I am taking things in--information and inspiration. Then the closed part happens when it's time to write and I am not seeking information. I have closed myself back up to get the work done. I am hibernating. I am eating the things I have stored for the winter. I love the closed part when I just get stuff done. But I am learning to appreciate the open part where I am taking things in: watching movies, reading books and articles and having conversations. Something in me from a long time ago tells me that this is pure procrastination and that I need to get to work. But even procrastination allows us to give our brain muscles a break. I think that's imperative.
Last night I watched five old episodes of Braxton Family Values to take my mind off of things. But even that was helpful in terms of family dynamics.
So I'm in the Turnaround. I look around my office and I see 35 index cards filled with information. I look behind me at my dry erase board and I look at the inherent conflicts in the story I am trying to tell. This is telling me more about my characters.
Today, I have the idea that I will be going back to my treatment and continuing to tell the story of these characters as it is being revealed to me. This is a great way to work.
I am grateful for index cards.
I am grateful for a large desk that I can use in different ways.
I am grateful for my cork board and dry erase board.
I am grateful for peace and quiet.
I am grateful for ideas.
I am grateful to have friends to share this with.
I am grateful for the Turnaround.
This week has been an eventful week in terms of working on a new idea. But last week was not that way at all. Last week was filled with distraction and strife. I think a lot of it had to do with my need to slow down. To take things as they come instead of willing things into being. I wanted to get to work on the next project right away, but the Universe had other plans. My desk collapsed. I couldn't focus. My stomach was really upset. My back ached. I just needed some rest.
And I came back to my work refreshed after I took the week to just lay around and to just sit in my stillness. It's like those moving walk ways at the airport. I was walking and the runway was moving and once I got on to still ground, I still had that sensation of moving. That was last week. I had finished the screenplay I was working on and I still felt momentum when I really needed to just stop. It's my nervous energy of feeling like I need to be doing something or I feel lazy, unmotivated or stuck. My mind kept racing last week and I didn't have any energy left.
On Tuesday, I went to my friend Jenn's place to write. I didn't feel inspired. I wasn't sure what this pilot was going to be about any more. I felt lost. Then I started looking up things on the internet and I found so much current information on the subject matter of this new pilot. It was overwhelming how much stuff I found that had been written this year. And then I knew that I was on the right track. The Universe was steering me in the right direction. So I just went with it.
Today, I am going to be doing research. And I am going to be happy about it. It's exactly what I should be doing. I am crafting the story for this pilot slowly. I am allowing breathing space to be inspired. I am allowing inspiration in, which I wouldn't be doing if I was just racing to get something done. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fast worker. I'm efficient. But the energy would have been to cram everything in during this time I have to work on my backstory. It would be desperate energy instead of creative energy. Instead of trusting energy. And that desperate energy usually results in anxiety and feeling like I'm not good enough. Who needs that?
I am, as Joss Whedon calls it, "filling the tank."
Mike White describes it as the open part of the creative work. I am taking things in--information and inspiration. Then the closed part happens when it's time to write and I am not seeking information. I have closed myself back up to get the work done. I am hibernating. I am eating the things I have stored for the winter. I love the closed part when I just get stuff done. But I am learning to appreciate the open part where I am taking things in: watching movies, reading books and articles and having conversations. Something in me from a long time ago tells me that this is pure procrastination and that I need to get to work. But even procrastination allows us to give our brain muscles a break. I think that's imperative.
Last night I watched five old episodes of Braxton Family Values to take my mind off of things. But even that was helpful in terms of family dynamics.
So I'm in the Turnaround. I look around my office and I see 35 index cards filled with information. I look behind me at my dry erase board and I look at the inherent conflicts in the story I am trying to tell. This is telling me more about my characters.
Today, I have the idea that I will be going back to my treatment and continuing to tell the story of these characters as it is being revealed to me. This is a great way to work.
I am grateful for index cards.
I am grateful for a large desk that I can use in different ways.
I am grateful for my cork board and dry erase board.
I am grateful for peace and quiet.
I am grateful for ideas.
I am grateful to have friends to share this with.
I am grateful for the Turnaround.
Monday, September 15, 2014
It's Not Enough...
"It's not enough to know what you want. You have to do what you want to be what you want."
Resistance is kicking my ass right now.
It is making me tired.
It is making me doubt myself.
It is making excuses.
Yes, I have written four scripts this year and I am on my way to number five.
But that's not enough. I know I can do more.
And it's a myth that this was one productive year
and that's an anomaly.
This is the standard.
Five or six scripts a year.
This is how resistance is kicking my ass.
I am getting ready to write a new pilot next month.
"Who wants to see a pilot about this?"
"I can't figure it out."
"It's too hard."
"Maybe I should write about something else."
"Isn't this a form of what I always write about?"
That's what was going on in my mind today.
I stayed at the office for four hours today.
Sometimes it's just not your day. True.
I went in for four hours. True.
I sat there in my space and that's enough. True.
And it's okay for me to step out and write another script.
Yes, I have been productive.
And yes I'm standing out because of that.
But I have another script in me this year.
Then I can work on rewrites in November and December.
And gear up for 2015.
I know I am a writer.
I am writing.
I am a writer.
I have confidence in this idea.
I know what I need to do to figure out the idea.
I am specific about what this idea is.
There's no reason not to do it.
I am perfecting my skills by giving my friends notes on their scripts.
I am proving how capable I am every second of the day.
I am humbled by the work that I have done this year.
And I cannot wait to do more.
I am grateful for this moment of Zen.
I am grateful to be so articulate about my work.
I am grateful that I can be of service to my friends.
I am grateful that the ideas are there.
Resistance is kicking my ass right now.
It is making me tired.
It is making me doubt myself.
It is making excuses.
Yes, I have written four scripts this year and I am on my way to number five.
But that's not enough. I know I can do more.
And it's a myth that this was one productive year
and that's an anomaly.
This is the standard.
Five or six scripts a year.
This is how resistance is kicking my ass.
I am getting ready to write a new pilot next month.
"Who wants to see a pilot about this?"
"I can't figure it out."
"It's too hard."
"Maybe I should write about something else."
"Isn't this a form of what I always write about?"
That's what was going on in my mind today.
I stayed at the office for four hours today.
Sometimes it's just not your day. True.
I went in for four hours. True.
I sat there in my space and that's enough. True.
And it's okay for me to step out and write another script.
Yes, I have been productive.
And yes I'm standing out because of that.
But I have another script in me this year.
Then I can work on rewrites in November and December.
And gear up for 2015.
I know I am a writer.
I am writing.
I am a writer.
I have confidence in this idea.
I know what I need to do to figure out the idea.
I am specific about what this idea is.
There's no reason not to do it.
I am perfecting my skills by giving my friends notes on their scripts.
I am proving how capable I am every second of the day.
I am humbled by the work that I have done this year.
And I cannot wait to do more.
I am grateful for this moment of Zen.
I am grateful to be so articulate about my work.
I am grateful that I can be of service to my friends.
I am grateful that the ideas are there.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Fourth Quarter Preview
October 1-December 31.
What's going to happen?
October
My TV Pilot Writing Challenge. 31 days of writing a new pilot. Holy shit.
November
I had that play I was working on earlier in the summer. I want to go back to it and just do research, research, research. I think I'm writing it for the February Playwriting Challenge. So I want to take time to get all of my ducks in a row and start getting these people together. I have written some informational pages, but nothing concrete.
I don't know if that will take up the whole month, so maybe if there's another pilot in me after the challenge, I can work on that. It would also be nice to do some rewrites. I also figure that's what I'll be doing in December. I feel like the Pilot Challenge is my last hurrah for new material this year. I'll rewrite and research as necessary. And maybe there will be some work in these months, that would take me away from some writing, but that would also be okay since I've done so much and I need to make money.
December
Rewrites.
Planning 2015. I know February will be the Playwriting Challenge. But I don't know what January will be yet. And I don't know what the rest of the year will be. I'm assuming there will be some new pilot stuff on the horizon. There's stuff I haven't written yet, like certain genres. It might be interesting to play around with that stuff. And there are the three pilot ideas that I won't be writing in 2014, so maybe I'll write those in 2015. I would also like to do amble amounts of rewriting for part of the year.
But I have plenty to think about for the remaining three and a half months of this year. That will be plenty.
I am grateful for planning.
I am grateful for stuff to do.
I am grateful for my positive spirit.
I am grateful for my good hair.
I am grateful to know what I want.
What's going to happen?
October
My TV Pilot Writing Challenge. 31 days of writing a new pilot. Holy shit.
November
I had that play I was working on earlier in the summer. I want to go back to it and just do research, research, research. I think I'm writing it for the February Playwriting Challenge. So I want to take time to get all of my ducks in a row and start getting these people together. I have written some informational pages, but nothing concrete.
I don't know if that will take up the whole month, so maybe if there's another pilot in me after the challenge, I can work on that. It would also be nice to do some rewrites. I also figure that's what I'll be doing in December. I feel like the Pilot Challenge is my last hurrah for new material this year. I'll rewrite and research as necessary. And maybe there will be some work in these months, that would take me away from some writing, but that would also be okay since I've done so much and I need to make money.
December
Rewrites.
Planning 2015. I know February will be the Playwriting Challenge. But I don't know what January will be yet. And I don't know what the rest of the year will be. I'm assuming there will be some new pilot stuff on the horizon. There's stuff I haven't written yet, like certain genres. It might be interesting to play around with that stuff. And there are the three pilot ideas that I won't be writing in 2014, so maybe I'll write those in 2015. I would also like to do amble amounts of rewriting for part of the year.
But I have plenty to think about for the remaining three and a half months of this year. That will be plenty.
I am grateful for planning.
I am grateful for stuff to do.
I am grateful for my positive spirit.
I am grateful for my good hair.
I am grateful to know what I want.
Third Quarter Update: Part Two - The Final Stretch
There are 17 days left in September. That closes out the Third Quarter of 2014. Holy shit it has been a productive year.
And I say that with a lot of humility. I realize that the energy flow of the Universe moves through me, I don't control it. So I am filled with gratitude that I have tapped into my life force this year.
I enter the last half of the Third Quarter with Four Scripts completed and submitted for various programs and things.
And I say that with a lot of humility. I realize that the energy flow of the Universe moves through me, I don't control it. So I am filled with gratitude that I have tapped into my life force this year.
I enter the last half of the Third Quarter with Four Scripts completed and submitted for various programs and things.
- a play
- a pilot
- a spec
- a screenplay
And I have one final challenge that will happen at the top of the Fourth Quarter. I will be writing a pilot in a month. Why not? If my challenge to myself this year was productivity (which I discovered well into the year), then the work I am doing at the pace and degree to which I am doing it now seems like routine. It just what is. I am conditioned to do it.
Per my usual overachieving self, I have four pilot ideas that I want to write. I won't be writing them all next month. Certainly not! But I want to explore them all in treatments this month to see what will stick. And I will be successful to varying degrees. But since not setting a specific goal has worked for me so far this year, I won't be setting a goal for October.
Everyone says to set a goal and adhere to that goal.
- 10 pages a day
- a script in a month
- five miles
The important thing for me is to keep going. I write every day or do something revolved around writing every day. And that's because I have my office to go to. That routine has become paramount in getting all of this work done over the past few months. So even if I work on the pilot and it doesn't get done, since I am writing every day I will have succeeded. I have a system to get work done and the system has turned out to be the best way of working because it has made me even more productive.
In order to make October as successful as possible, I need to get my treatment and story bible done on this first script. I still don't have an idea of what the pilot story is, which means I have no outline. I know who the characters are, which is great. I have started my treatment. But now I need to get into the pilot story and find something good because this won't be a premise pilot. This world is already in progress, so it just depends on where I want it to go.
The first week of September was about finishing the screenplay.
The second week of September was about finishing a minor play rewrite for a submission.
The third week of September needs to be about my pilot.
The fourth week of September needs to be about a play rewrite and all of the Fall submissions.
So it seems kind of tight. But this week I really took it easy because I had been working on the screenplay for five weeks. And all of that came really easy to me.
So I think I need to do the same thing with this script. I need to get the note cards out and start laying out things I'd like to happen. Then the outline and bible will come out of that.
I'm really in awe of all the work that I've gotten done, It's wonderful how hard the mind can work when it is trained and warmed up.
I am grateful for work.
I am grateful for my office.
I am grateful for the support of my writing challenge group.
I am grateful for books.
I am grateful for sleep.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Resistance Reared It's Ugly Head This Week
I finished a 94 page screenplay in five weeks last week. Turned it in. Celebrated by taking myself to the local Korean Spa.
Had a fun and festive weekend last weekend with friends. Met up with my creativity group on Sunday.
So I was ready to start the week. I have one more major writing goal of the year in October, where I'll be writing a pilot in a month.
So I'm doing some prep work for that now. But I was ready to hit the ground running on Monday.
I worked for a bit, then had to meet my friend Alanna at her place to drop something off before she left to go out of town again. I left the office at 2, got to her place at 2:30, then had to run home to meet a plumber. Not a ton of work got done that day.
Then on Tuesday, my desk collapsed. And I was exhausted.
On Wednesday, I worked from home, read up on some things. The boyfriend fixed the desk on his way to the airport. Then I went to the gym and came home. Then my stomach started bothering me.
Yesterday, some personal stuff happened that was a major bummer. And my back was killing me.
This whole week I had a goal: I had to transcribe an old play into final draft for a submission due today. I figured if I started on Monday, I would be easily done by Wednesday. Well, the drama of the week really put a cork in those plans. So today I worked all day in my office and got it done and out!
When all of these things happened, I had a thought…RESISTANCE.
I've written four scripts this year so far and one more on the way before the end of the year. I feel like I'm in a good place with my work and in my office. But there's that ugly monster named Resistance that wants to prevent me from getting work done. And it does it through actual things that happen, like my desk collapsing. And through complications in communicating. That was big this week. Normally, when that stuff happens I would pull the covers up and stay in bed all day. Or I would be preoccupied by it.
But then I decided to go back and read my tarot card reading. And guess what? It's all in there. I decide that I needed to stay productive and not let fear and preoccupation get in my way. I had moments this week when I thought, "Oh, this is an old play. Why do I even need to submit it anyway? No one cares. It's not like it's that big of a deal if I submit." Yep, that's Resistance. And it's consigliere Rationalization. The point is that it wants to stop me from getting my work done.
And I decided to say "Fuck you, Resistance! It's on! I'm getting my shit done."
And I did. I started work on my pilot treatment for this new script. I'm going to go home and read some more and watch some more films on Netflix. I'm going to fill my brain. I'm going to see The Tempest at South Coast Rep this weekend and say hi to my Mama. I'm going to be inspired with my friend Cory and see Gob Squad at Redcat tomorrow night (double theatre Saturday). Resistance isn't going to get me down.
I decided to go back to my meditation and stillness when things started flurrying around me. I focused on my breath. I focused on my mantras. And like all thoughts during meditation, I let them flow through me and keep moving.
Maybe that's why this week happened. The Universe needed to remind me that my Success Through Stillness is working. You don't notice Stillness when you're still. But when things are bumpy and you can be Still, that's when you see Stillness in Action. And there was no bigger lesson this week. Stay Still. And when I'm Still the other Rs who are friends of Resistance don't creep in like Reaction and Resentment and Retaliation. Another R who is a Rebel and not a friend of Resistance joins the party and that is Respect. I can Respect a difference in opinion and experience. I came to the office today to work and I worked. I got through the script and turned in the submission despite other thoughts floating around me. I just let them be there, floating and eventually they floated on by.
I've said that my big lesson lately is dealing with anxiety. That I want to be creative without that anxiety. Some would say that's impossible, that the pressure is a part of it all. I love pressure. I love sitting in this office and feeling like I need to show up when there's another productive person here. It pushes me, like a workout buddy or a spotter. I am inspired to push harder and to dig deeper. And that's what I really had to really Reflect on this week. How can I continue to push when things are falling apart around me, including my crashing desk. Why did Resistance show up for a visit this week and make its presence known?
I'm onto something, that's why. And when I'm onto something, the molecules around me change. The Universe reminded me this week that I'm tapped into the Flow. And for that I'm thankful. As tumultuous as this week has been, ultimately I am thankful for it. I think it will prove to be helpful in the weeks to come.
I kept wondering when Resistance was going to show up to show me I was on the right track. And it came this week with a Vengeance.
I am grateful for Resistance.
I am grateful for dedicated space.
I am grateful for a consistent writing practice.
I am grateful for a meditation practice that keeps me still.
I am grateful for the chance to realign myself.
Had a fun and festive weekend last weekend with friends. Met up with my creativity group on Sunday.
So I was ready to start the week. I have one more major writing goal of the year in October, where I'll be writing a pilot in a month.
So I'm doing some prep work for that now. But I was ready to hit the ground running on Monday.
I worked for a bit, then had to meet my friend Alanna at her place to drop something off before she left to go out of town again. I left the office at 2, got to her place at 2:30, then had to run home to meet a plumber. Not a ton of work got done that day.
Then on Tuesday, my desk collapsed. And I was exhausted.
On Wednesday, I worked from home, read up on some things. The boyfriend fixed the desk on his way to the airport. Then I went to the gym and came home. Then my stomach started bothering me.
Yesterday, some personal stuff happened that was a major bummer. And my back was killing me.
This whole week I had a goal: I had to transcribe an old play into final draft for a submission due today. I figured if I started on Monday, I would be easily done by Wednesday. Well, the drama of the week really put a cork in those plans. So today I worked all day in my office and got it done and out!
When all of these things happened, I had a thought…RESISTANCE.
I've written four scripts this year so far and one more on the way before the end of the year. I feel like I'm in a good place with my work and in my office. But there's that ugly monster named Resistance that wants to prevent me from getting work done. And it does it through actual things that happen, like my desk collapsing. And through complications in communicating. That was big this week. Normally, when that stuff happens I would pull the covers up and stay in bed all day. Or I would be preoccupied by it.
But then I decided to go back and read my tarot card reading. And guess what? It's all in there. I decide that I needed to stay productive and not let fear and preoccupation get in my way. I had moments this week when I thought, "Oh, this is an old play. Why do I even need to submit it anyway? No one cares. It's not like it's that big of a deal if I submit." Yep, that's Resistance. And it's consigliere Rationalization. The point is that it wants to stop me from getting my work done.
And I decided to say "Fuck you, Resistance! It's on! I'm getting my shit done."
And I did. I started work on my pilot treatment for this new script. I'm going to go home and read some more and watch some more films on Netflix. I'm going to fill my brain. I'm going to see The Tempest at South Coast Rep this weekend and say hi to my Mama. I'm going to be inspired with my friend Cory and see Gob Squad at Redcat tomorrow night (double theatre Saturday). Resistance isn't going to get me down.
I decided to go back to my meditation and stillness when things started flurrying around me. I focused on my breath. I focused on my mantras. And like all thoughts during meditation, I let them flow through me and keep moving.
Maybe that's why this week happened. The Universe needed to remind me that my Success Through Stillness is working. You don't notice Stillness when you're still. But when things are bumpy and you can be Still, that's when you see Stillness in Action. And there was no bigger lesson this week. Stay Still. And when I'm Still the other Rs who are friends of Resistance don't creep in like Reaction and Resentment and Retaliation. Another R who is a Rebel and not a friend of Resistance joins the party and that is Respect. I can Respect a difference in opinion and experience. I came to the office today to work and I worked. I got through the script and turned in the submission despite other thoughts floating around me. I just let them be there, floating and eventually they floated on by.
I've said that my big lesson lately is dealing with anxiety. That I want to be creative without that anxiety. Some would say that's impossible, that the pressure is a part of it all. I love pressure. I love sitting in this office and feeling like I need to show up when there's another productive person here. It pushes me, like a workout buddy or a spotter. I am inspired to push harder and to dig deeper. And that's what I really had to really Reflect on this week. How can I continue to push when things are falling apart around me, including my crashing desk. Why did Resistance show up for a visit this week and make its presence known?
I'm onto something, that's why. And when I'm onto something, the molecules around me change. The Universe reminded me this week that I'm tapped into the Flow. And for that I'm thankful. As tumultuous as this week has been, ultimately I am thankful for it. I think it will prove to be helpful in the weeks to come.
I kept wondering when Resistance was going to show up to show me I was on the right track. And it came this week with a Vengeance.
I am grateful for Resistance.
I am grateful for dedicated space.
I am grateful for a consistent writing practice.
I am grateful for a meditation practice that keeps me still.
I am grateful for the chance to realign myself.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Office vs. Studio
Right now, I have an office that I share with my friend Tim. We are wonderful partners in work. We have this intuition with each other I think that really fits who we are as creative types. We are there to be supportive of one another, but at the same time neither one of us feels hugely compelled to talk constantly. It's enough that we're in the same room together in desks that are side by side.
I love my office. I love what we have created.
But I want a studio.
When I was a child, I thought I would be a fashion designer. I loved fashion. I wasn't really that talented at it, but I had a passion for it. But what I loved most in watching the fashion television shows as a kid was watching the designers in their ateliers. I remember watching the documentary Unzipped about Isaac Mizrahi as a kid and watching him sketch and work in his studio. I loved the feelings of that, the think tank quality of it all. I think that's why I liked working in advertising for the brief amount of time I did because it felt so creative in the idea making process.
I have a cork board and I have a dry erase board in my office. I have books. I have notecards and notepads. But it would be great to have a bigger idea board and it would be great to print out research and have lots of folders. A couch and a reading area. A meeting space.
I've been watching a lot of fashion documentary pieces on You Tube today and all of these designers have their studios where they work. They have these larger offices where they create. Yes, their work is more visual than mine in certain ways. It's certainly product oriented. But I want a place where I can set up Apple TV and watch my Netflix and internet stuff on the TV. I want to be able to watch movies there. I want it to feel more like my space.
I guess now that I have something that's wonderful, I want to expand on it. And that's great. Dream bigger.
And "I'm going to my writing studio" sounds so much cooler.
I can always just refer to my office as the studio. Dream bigger.
I am grateful for a work space.
I am grateful for a wonderful office mate.
I am grateful to be surrounded with more and more writers.
I am grateful to be seen as a productive and prolific writer.
I am grateful to have somewhere to go to every day.
I love my office. I love what we have created.
But I want a studio.
When I was a child, I thought I would be a fashion designer. I loved fashion. I wasn't really that talented at it, but I had a passion for it. But what I loved most in watching the fashion television shows as a kid was watching the designers in their ateliers. I remember watching the documentary Unzipped about Isaac Mizrahi as a kid and watching him sketch and work in his studio. I loved the feelings of that, the think tank quality of it all. I think that's why I liked working in advertising for the brief amount of time I did because it felt so creative in the idea making process.
I have a cork board and I have a dry erase board in my office. I have books. I have notecards and notepads. But it would be great to have a bigger idea board and it would be great to print out research and have lots of folders. A couch and a reading area. A meeting space.
I've been watching a lot of fashion documentary pieces on You Tube today and all of these designers have their studios where they work. They have these larger offices where they create. Yes, their work is more visual than mine in certain ways. It's certainly product oriented. But I want a place where I can set up Apple TV and watch my Netflix and internet stuff on the TV. I want to be able to watch movies there. I want it to feel more like my space.
I guess now that I have something that's wonderful, I want to expand on it. And that's great. Dream bigger.
And "I'm going to my writing studio" sounds so much cooler.
I can always just refer to my office as the studio. Dream bigger.
I am grateful for a work space.
I am grateful for a wonderful office mate.
I am grateful to be surrounded with more and more writers.
I am grateful to be seen as a productive and prolific writer.
I am grateful to have somewhere to go to every day.
Cleaning the Office
One of my favorite Neil Diamond songs is "September Morn." That's neither here nor there.
I woke up this morning a little tired and still recuperating from a fun and wild party night on Saturday. I had so much fun that I stayed up until 5, woke up at 8, then was drinking by 10. Then I realized I had a meeting to be at at 1, about five minutes before I was supposed to be there.
Got in the car and went.
I host these creative talk sessions with four other male writers and directors. I feel like one of the most important things to do when it comes to being creative is talk. I am a writer, so that means that I spend a lot of time by myself. Worrying. Frowning. Nervous. Pacing. It can be a mean existence. It can be hard on one's sense of self. So when the five of us get together and just go around and chat, it instantly opens us up.
Here's what we do:
We go around the room and talk about what's on our mind since the last time we got together. That can be talking about creative projects and talking them out. That can be talking about marriage and work. It's really whatever we need it to be. Two hours. That's it. Then we go about with the month. And somehow, just knowing that at any given moment during the month we can reach out to each other gives us the confidence to keep going.
I'm actually glad it worked out to be as simple as it did. The rest of the night I slept and had sex with my boyfriend, who's leaving to go out of town for a week on Wednesday. It was actually nice to just relax and be a soft, cuddly, silly boyfriend. And not the uber serious worker bee that I tend to play most of the time.
I'm still in recovery mode today, which is actually a blessing in disguise. There's something about being slightly hungover that is dreamy. Of course, I got into the office this morning and cleaned up. I finished a screenplay on Thursday. So everything that I had up on my boards regarding the film I wanted to take down and put back into files. I also got rid of a lot of things that represent problems I have solved. In the garbage. Felt good.
So now I look around me and I am just letting the boards (my white board and my cork board) stay blank for the day. That feels good. Nothing that I'm rushing to for the moment.
Of course that will change by tomorrow.
Writing this blog is helping me just cleanse myself. Writing about the mundane details of being in my office. I watched this great video on the NY Times website about Vera Wang's office this morning. It made me think about my office and the space that I have created. I also realize that I love having a tactile office. I need the boards up. I need the index cards. I need the sticky notes. I need to feel like I'm drafting plans…like an architect or a fashion designer when I'm writing. It just feels better to be visual and to move while I'm writing. I'm starting to appreciate standing up and working. It's pretty wonderful.
What's next?
I have been watching interviews and documentaries on You Tube all morning. That will last for a bit.
But I have three projects to work on this month. Nothing as intense as writing three new scripts in a month. I just realized that my month of craziness was May. Four months ago. And last month was a heavy writing month as well. August. Gosh, it's all just kind of flying by.
September. What are you about?
Well, I am transcribing an old play of mine that I don't have a Final Draft copy of. And that's turning out to be more work than I want to do because I feel like I'm going to be rewriting things this week. It's due on Friday. That might be this week's project, although I really don't want to be doing that.
I have a play I wrote this year that I'm supposed to be rewriting in order to get in shape for fall theatre submissions. Then I think I'm going to just get all of those submissions done and out the door. Fuck it. Done and done and done. I want to just submit everything at the end of the month and get it all out of the way. I don't want to have anything really hanging over my head in October. Because October is all about writing…but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Then I have some pilot treatments to write. Yes, I said some. Because I won't be writing all of those pilots this year. But I have some ideas I think I want to flesh out. At least one will be written in October. So the process of starting the collection will begin. I'm psyched about that. I love this idea phase. The writing phase is so rigorous and impossible sometimes that just the fresh phase is so nice to be a part of. So I'm doing that.
I have three ideas that are single camera half hour scripts, which I haven't done in a couple of years. I have two one hour pilots I have written most recently. And all of these projects are female centric. Leftovers from what I was working on to develop with my best friend. So now that she's off doing a show for Bravo, I'm going to work on these ideas. These are from the nine pitches I made to her a couple of months ago. I'm happy to see it all fleshed out.
I've got work to do. Nothing is making my happier right now. I need to work every day. That's just what's presenting itself to me right now, so I want to enjoy it. It's what brings me the most pleasure.
And I love pleasure.
I am grateful for the pleasurable experience of work.
I am grateful to slow down a bit before I speed up again.
I am grateful for love.
I am grateful for friendship.
I am grateful for my work ethic.
I woke up this morning a little tired and still recuperating from a fun and wild party night on Saturday. I had so much fun that I stayed up until 5, woke up at 8, then was drinking by 10. Then I realized I had a meeting to be at at 1, about five minutes before I was supposed to be there.
Got in the car and went.
I host these creative talk sessions with four other male writers and directors. I feel like one of the most important things to do when it comes to being creative is talk. I am a writer, so that means that I spend a lot of time by myself. Worrying. Frowning. Nervous. Pacing. It can be a mean existence. It can be hard on one's sense of self. So when the five of us get together and just go around and chat, it instantly opens us up.
Here's what we do:
We go around the room and talk about what's on our mind since the last time we got together. That can be talking about creative projects and talking them out. That can be talking about marriage and work. It's really whatever we need it to be. Two hours. That's it. Then we go about with the month. And somehow, just knowing that at any given moment during the month we can reach out to each other gives us the confidence to keep going.
I'm actually glad it worked out to be as simple as it did. The rest of the night I slept and had sex with my boyfriend, who's leaving to go out of town for a week on Wednesday. It was actually nice to just relax and be a soft, cuddly, silly boyfriend. And not the uber serious worker bee that I tend to play most of the time.
I'm still in recovery mode today, which is actually a blessing in disguise. There's something about being slightly hungover that is dreamy. Of course, I got into the office this morning and cleaned up. I finished a screenplay on Thursday. So everything that I had up on my boards regarding the film I wanted to take down and put back into files. I also got rid of a lot of things that represent problems I have solved. In the garbage. Felt good.
So now I look around me and I am just letting the boards (my white board and my cork board) stay blank for the day. That feels good. Nothing that I'm rushing to for the moment.
Of course that will change by tomorrow.
Writing this blog is helping me just cleanse myself. Writing about the mundane details of being in my office. I watched this great video on the NY Times website about Vera Wang's office this morning. It made me think about my office and the space that I have created. I also realize that I love having a tactile office. I need the boards up. I need the index cards. I need the sticky notes. I need to feel like I'm drafting plans…like an architect or a fashion designer when I'm writing. It just feels better to be visual and to move while I'm writing. I'm starting to appreciate standing up and working. It's pretty wonderful.
What's next?
I have been watching interviews and documentaries on You Tube all morning. That will last for a bit.
But I have three projects to work on this month. Nothing as intense as writing three new scripts in a month. I just realized that my month of craziness was May. Four months ago. And last month was a heavy writing month as well. August. Gosh, it's all just kind of flying by.
September. What are you about?
Well, I am transcribing an old play of mine that I don't have a Final Draft copy of. And that's turning out to be more work than I want to do because I feel like I'm going to be rewriting things this week. It's due on Friday. That might be this week's project, although I really don't want to be doing that.
I have a play I wrote this year that I'm supposed to be rewriting in order to get in shape for fall theatre submissions. Then I think I'm going to just get all of those submissions done and out the door. Fuck it. Done and done and done. I want to just submit everything at the end of the month and get it all out of the way. I don't want to have anything really hanging over my head in October. Because October is all about writing…but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Then I have some pilot treatments to write. Yes, I said some. Because I won't be writing all of those pilots this year. But I have some ideas I think I want to flesh out. At least one will be written in October. So the process of starting the collection will begin. I'm psyched about that. I love this idea phase. The writing phase is so rigorous and impossible sometimes that just the fresh phase is so nice to be a part of. So I'm doing that.
I have three ideas that are single camera half hour scripts, which I haven't done in a couple of years. I have two one hour pilots I have written most recently. And all of these projects are female centric. Leftovers from what I was working on to develop with my best friend. So now that she's off doing a show for Bravo, I'm going to work on these ideas. These are from the nine pitches I made to her a couple of months ago. I'm happy to see it all fleshed out.
I've got work to do. Nothing is making my happier right now. I need to work every day. That's just what's presenting itself to me right now, so I want to enjoy it. It's what brings me the most pleasure.
And I love pleasure.
I am grateful for the pleasurable experience of work.
I am grateful to slow down a bit before I speed up again.
I am grateful for love.
I am grateful for friendship.
I am grateful for my work ethic.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
My Story
I don't know if I've told this story before…
I was in the canyons of Malibu about four years ago (almost exactly) on sassafras with a shaman on a spiritual journey.
My mind was opening up. I was a guy in my thirties who had shed all of his guards. I was like a child who had no filter. I wasn't "high." I didn't feel like I was in an altered state, but I had experienced true openness in a way I hadn't since I was young and was taught to build defenses.
I met this man who was my doppelgänger. My ex at the time had told me about this guy. He said we looked a lot alike. And we really did. We had pulled up to the site at the same time and got out of the car and looked at each other. We were bound together for the evening.
Once the "plants" kicked in, we were inseparable. We couldn't leave each other's site because we were mirrors for each other. You know how people often can't take their own advice? Well, I was giving advice to this man who looked like me and it was like I was giving that advice to myself. I was telling myself things I needed to hear. And when he would say things to me, it felt personal.
He told me that I needed to write my story. That I still hadn't told my story yet.
By this time in my life, I think I had become uninterested in my story. The funny thing is that the play that had gotten me a lot of attention was about my grandmother. I don't know if I saw it that way at the time. I felt like I put myself into everything I wrote, but it was true that I wasn't writing about myself. I probably thought that felt indulgent or I didn't understand what was so special about my story. And in turn, I didn't know what was so special about myself. Those lessons would be learned later.
I'm finishing work on a screenplay that's about me as a child. Details are changed slightly. But the essence of the story and many of the details of the story are from my life. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I was writing my story. That this guy who I never saw again, my doppelgänger, had predicted that things would start to open up for me once I told my story. I went off to write a play after that that was about me in a peripheral way, but I was still afraid of writing something that seemed to come so clearly from me.
And now I have. And I don't know what "things" will open up. But I am opening up.
I am grateful to be near completion of a new script.
I am grateful to be experienced.
I am grateful for lessons that take time to unfold.
I am grateful for these characters I am writing.
I am grateful for the love I am able to give back to myself.
I was in the canyons of Malibu about four years ago (almost exactly) on sassafras with a shaman on a spiritual journey.
My mind was opening up. I was a guy in my thirties who had shed all of his guards. I was like a child who had no filter. I wasn't "high." I didn't feel like I was in an altered state, but I had experienced true openness in a way I hadn't since I was young and was taught to build defenses.
I met this man who was my doppelgänger. My ex at the time had told me about this guy. He said we looked a lot alike. And we really did. We had pulled up to the site at the same time and got out of the car and looked at each other. We were bound together for the evening.
Once the "plants" kicked in, we were inseparable. We couldn't leave each other's site because we were mirrors for each other. You know how people often can't take their own advice? Well, I was giving advice to this man who looked like me and it was like I was giving that advice to myself. I was telling myself things I needed to hear. And when he would say things to me, it felt personal.
He told me that I needed to write my story. That I still hadn't told my story yet.
By this time in my life, I think I had become uninterested in my story. The funny thing is that the play that had gotten me a lot of attention was about my grandmother. I don't know if I saw it that way at the time. I felt like I put myself into everything I wrote, but it was true that I wasn't writing about myself. I probably thought that felt indulgent or I didn't understand what was so special about my story. And in turn, I didn't know what was so special about myself. Those lessons would be learned later.
I'm finishing work on a screenplay that's about me as a child. Details are changed slightly. But the essence of the story and many of the details of the story are from my life. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I was writing my story. That this guy who I never saw again, my doppelgänger, had predicted that things would start to open up for me once I told my story. I went off to write a play after that that was about me in a peripheral way, but I was still afraid of writing something that seemed to come so clearly from me.
And now I have. And I don't know what "things" will open up. But I am opening up.
I am grateful to be near completion of a new script.
I am grateful to be experienced.
I am grateful for lessons that take time to unfold.
I am grateful for these characters I am writing.
I am grateful for the love I am able to give back to myself.
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