Intentions 2016: Preparing to Go Back to Work Full Time

It's said that Rome wasn't built in a day, that there are no Overnight Successes, and life has to be taken One Day at a Time. But when we set an intention, we want it to spring up out of the Earth fully formed, ripe and ready. I've spent the past few years working on my desire for Instant Gratification. It used to be the way I operated. I would write something and immediately send it out for public consumption. It's like I was saying, "I'm a genius who can just write something and send it out because it's amazing right away!" Then I would be disappointed when I wouldn't get the feedback I wanted. I would hear of these mythical creatures who would hold onto their work until their "first draft"--which was probably a culmination of at least three or four drafts--was ready and solid. I was operating from an Amateur perspective because I thought things should just happen right away. And I wasn't really getting anywhere.

Now there's something to be said about being super productive and moving on to the next thing. The job I want is to be staffed on a TV show. In order to be prepared for that, I need to be smart, attentive and a good writer. That's a given. But I also literally need to be up to speed on the pace of the job. I need to be able to have ideas at the ready. I need to be able to outline and write under a deadline. But I can't just know how to do that. I need to be doing that constantly, so that when I'm plucked to join the majors, I can just step right in. Another saying goes, "Start doing the job that you want." That's an intention. If I start doing the job I want, then it signals to the Universe that it's the job for me. But on a practical level, it means that I'm practicing or rehearsing for that job. It means I'm getting better. It means that I'm training myself to work quicker but also distilling what I do so that I'm better and faster.

From my years in the business working on the management and production sides, I learned some important things. This is a business built on a fantasy. Not just the fantasy of having a luxurious and successful life. Not just the fantasy of the fiction that's created. But the fantasy that all creative people are superhuman. And that those super humans are in their 20s. I always told people that yes, it's important to be good. It's important to be talented. That's a given. No one gives you a pass on that. But you also need to be fast because that means you can then move onto the next thing. And the next thing will make you better. The more you work the shorter the amount of time between great drafts. You need to get to that great draft ASAP. But you can't just do that by writing one script. You can't just do that by your third script. You have to be working on that level for awhile to really get it. The ideal is to be good and fast. That's where you want to be. And you can't get there quickly by writing one script a year. So these past two years in particular have been an investment in that. I have made room for little else. And now it's time to see if that investment has paid off.

If I look at the eight full scripts I've written in the past two years, I can see the growth. But the first script I wrote in 2014 wasn't the first script I had ever written. I think at that time I was at about 10 full length plays, 10 spec pilots and 10 specs. And then I launched into this. I had gotten better over the years I had written that stuff. I had been productive. I had been working hard. But I had to invest the time in working on nothing else. For me. Other people could do it differently. Other people were able to work on other things, have paying jobs, and still make time for themselves and their work. I had somehow lost that. So I had to show myself that I could take time out and give the gift of full focus to myself. That I deserved to write full time. Two years seems like a luxury and it seems decadent.  It seems irresponsible and indulgent. And it's all of those things. But when we luxuriate in something, when we feel like we're spoiling ourselves, we want to do it more. When we feel we are taking care of ourselves, we are valuing ourselves. And that's important to do. Positive reinforcement is essential.

It's said that when something becomes a practice, a routine, then it becomes a part of your life. And Productivity has become a practice. Yes, you can call it Art. My Art has become a practice. My Creativity has become a practice. But behind all of that Art and Creativity is Hard Work. A practice is daily, dedicated, devoted time. It's goal setting and goal accomplishing. I believe in Art and Creativity. But that also has a connotation that you're waiting for the muse to descend and touch your forehead with inspiration. I'm inspired the more I work. Work becomes a breeding ground for the bacteria that is inspiration. I create a friendly environment to become infected with creativity. But that environment is Hard Work. I have a schedule. I set intentions. I work. It's not just time sipping tea and waiting for things to happen.

That practice has laid some ground work. I knew in those two years that not every year would be solely about writing. That this was in preparation for other things to happen. But I also knew that I couldn't keep tabs on how long this was taking. I had to be in the moment and enjoy the time I had to write. I developed a philosophy of enjoying what I had and not dwelling on what I didn't. What I had in abundance was time. So it was my responsibility to use it. When I talk to friends and we catch up, they remark about how productive I've been. Not how creative I've been. Or how arty I've been. But my productivity. I've certainly been creative and arty with all of the work. Most of the work has been driven by a creative, arty impulse. I wrote one thing with the sole purpose of proving I could write it. It was a spec script that I wasn't expecting to be great because I knew I was pushing so far out of my boundaries, both in the subject matter and the time I had to get it done. That script was purely about pushing myself and making myself better as a practitioner.  That was its purpose. Not every script will "hit it out of the park" or be a "home run." I hate those metaphors. You can't predict that stuff. Just like you can't predict that this year I will be rich. But you can work hard and make it way easier for those things to happen or to get closer to that intention.

So when I say that I'm preparing to go back to work full time, that's my intention. If the Universe has other plans for me, then I'll accept that. But my intention is

to get new representation in order to take meetings in order
to forge new working relationships in order
to be on someone's mind in order
to come up in conversation with producers and show runners in order
to get my script read in order
to get a meeting in order
to impress them with my talent and knowledge and personality and fashion choices in order
to get a job offer in order
to get staffed on a TV show in order
to pay my bills and build my career.

And then the next "in orders" come in. And as I look at that list, I am struck by a phrase "in order." I'm often stuck by the "to." The "to" is the thing you want. It's the thing we focus on. Here's my clear intention and here is what it is. I want to __________________. But the "in order" is equally as powerful. And it's not the visible, tangible thing. In Order doesn't only mean "so that I can." These things need to happen in a certain order. One thing leads to another. They are incremental steps that lead to the bigger picture. And when all is said and done and new representation leads to paying my bills and career, I can look at the steps I took along the way that supported that goal.

I'm grateful that I know those steps. 
I'm grateful that I'm taking those steps. 
I'm grateful that I can step.

Today's posting is like an Intention Setting Super Boost. It's like that B-12/Vitamin C combo shot I've taken in the past in order to not get sick when I feel something coming on. I feel the self-doubt that comes along with setting goals. Resistance. So I'm pushing through resistance because I can. And Resistance Training is incredibly effective, isn't it? It makes you stronger by using the power of opposition to make you stronger. It's not a bad thing.

I am grateful for the subject of my next post.
I am grateful for the consistency and quiet of my mornings.
I am grateful for digestive regularity.
I am grateful for my cleanse.
I am grateful for my ability to look at my life with some perspective.

My Cultural Center

There are moments of time while living in LA that I feel like it's got a lot going on artistically.  Pockets. And it's not that there isn't a lot going on all of the time, it's just that I'm usually too focused on my writing to notice.  Well, in that case, there's always a lot going on in LA artistically.  I am very artistic.

Right now, I'm having one of those moments.  Yesterday, after a writing session at the beautiful new West Hollywood library, I walked across the street to the MoCA at the Pacific Design Center where there was an exhibit on Tom of Finland and Tom Mizer.

http://www.moca.org/museum/exhibitiondetail.php?&id=487

It's free and right across the street, so I went to check it out.  Truthfully, I was hoping to see more men cruising around looking for action.  The set up of the museum itself seemed right for it.  As did the subject matter.  The art was fittingly homoerotic and cool.  I'm glad I checked it out.  I felt like I had done something cultural for the day.

Then I hopped right back across the street to this beautiful building and looked out the window onto the Hollywood Hills and felt inspired as I was looking up information on two teaching jobs I'm applying for.

I then headed to USC to see the amazing Mx Justin Vivian Bond in V's performance of Mx. America.  This show felt a lot more conceptual and had more of an arc.   V talked about gender politics and family and childhood obsessions.  With music.  If you've never seen Justin Bond, you're missing out.

Here's V performing with Sandra Bernhard a few years ago.  It's 10 minutes long, but totally worth it.  Two of my favorite ladies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edkQuOmRoCk

And here's an interview where Justin where V talks more about the work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEHYqYloAV0

It's always inspiring to see Justin when V's in town.  And the crowd was cool.  I wrote on twitter that it was young boys in scarves and older ladies with wives.  I think that's a good descripton of the crowd.  And I ran into my friend Ethan, who I hadn't seen in eight years until we ran into each other at the screening of Merrily We Roll Along a few weeks ago.  Justin's a chanteuse, a wonderful cabaret singer and performance artist.  I got to know V's work back in the late 90s when I was in New York.   The performance last night was a cool event with lots of cool, weird, queer art types.  And there was a tea this afternoon in Justin's honor where V talked about the nature of performance and the work.  It was very cool.  Both events were at USC and I was just into being in this very artistic environment.  A bunch of smart college students talking about gender.  Sometimes being on a college campus reminds me of how far things have progressed--at least for a certain privileged population who can afford to go to college and wax poetic.  But admittedly, those are my people.

Then I'm going to a few play readings this weekend at Boston Court in Pasadena, featuring some of my friends.  Listening to plays in progress and talking to people about plays and just meeting people in general.  Walking down the street to grab a coffee or lunch with a new friend.

And on Wednesday my boyfriend and I are going to see The Black Suits at the Kirk Douglas Theatre.  When I go to the theatre in LA, I always run into people I know.  Or I run into people I want to know.  I call it the KCRW crowd.  KCRW is our local independently run NPR station that plays great music.  And those people are usually the folks at the Taper or the Kirk Douglas or at LACMA.  Those are the folks looking at art on the weekends.  And those are the people I love.  You can't just run into them on the street or find them anywhere.  You can't take that for granted like you can in a city like New York or Paris.  They're just all over the place, out in public where they can be seen.  We're all in cars here.  It's hard to locate certain like-minded individuals.

Right now, LA is my cultural center.  It's the place where I'm working and feeling inspired.  It's moments like these where I am thankful that I live in a city where cultural things happen so I don't have to hunt around for them.  It helps me feel supported in the art I'm making and it makes me feel like I'm not so weird.

And it is my center.  It's where I feel centered.  But it's not just about being in LA or New York.  You have to have the center with in you and then send out the Bat Signal to find those who are like you.  Given the fact that I'm applying to jobs and trying to do fellowships all around the country, I have to bring my center with me.  And when I'm focused on it, I make LA my cultural center.

My cultural center could also be Netflix.  I watch a lot of great documentaries on Netflix.

It could be PBS.  They're broadcasting the concert version of Stephen Sondheim's Company with Neil Patrick Harris tonight.  I'm DVRing while I'm typing this up and eating at home.

Yes, LA is a big city, so there are more opportunities.  And it is becoming easier to find art and culture in the city.  But you've got to move around and check it out and be willing to get off your ass or get out of your neighborhood.  The museum and library were in West Hollywood.  USC's near downtown.  I'm going to Pasadena tomorrow and to Culver City on Wednesday.  Yes, it would be more convenient if I just had to grab a subway or a cab crosstown.  It would be great if cross town wasn't 20 miles.  But it just gives me the opportunity to check out more neighborhoods, discover more restaurants and meet more people. It gives me the chance to get to know my city better.