It's said that Rome wasn't built in a day, that there are no Overnight Successes, and life has to be taken One Day at a Time. But when we set an intention, we want it to spring up out of the Earth fully formed, ripe and ready. I've spent the past few years working on my desire for Instant Gratification. It used to be the way I operated. I would write something and immediately send it out for public consumption. It's like I was saying, "I'm a genius who can just write something and send it out because it's amazing right away!" Then I would be disappointed when I wouldn't get the feedback I wanted. I would hear of these mythical creatures who would hold onto their work until their "first draft"--which was probably a culmination of at least three or four drafts--was ready and solid. I was operating from an Amateur perspective because I thought things should just happen right away. And I wasn't really getting anywhere.
Now there's something to be said about being super productive and moving on to the next thing. The job I want is to be staffed on a TV show. In order to be prepared for that, I need to be smart, attentive and a good writer. That's a given. But I also literally need to be up to speed on the pace of the job. I need to be able to have ideas at the ready. I need to be able to outline and write under a deadline. But I can't just know how to do that. I need to be doing that constantly, so that when I'm plucked to join the majors, I can just step right in. Another saying goes, "Start doing the job that you want." That's an intention. If I start doing the job I want, then it signals to the Universe that it's the job for me. But on a practical level, it means that I'm practicing or rehearsing for that job. It means I'm getting better. It means that I'm training myself to work quicker but also distilling what I do so that I'm better and faster.
From my years in the business working on the management and production sides, I learned some important things. This is a business built on a fantasy. Not just the fantasy of having a luxurious and successful life. Not just the fantasy of the fiction that's created. But the fantasy that all creative people are superhuman. And that those super humans are in their 20s. I always told people that yes, it's important to be good. It's important to be talented. That's a given. No one gives you a pass on that. But you also need to be fast because that means you can then move onto the next thing. And the next thing will make you better. The more you work the shorter the amount of time between great drafts. You need to get to that great draft ASAP. But you can't just do that by writing one script. You can't just do that by your third script. You have to be working on that level for awhile to really get it. The ideal is to be good and fast. That's where you want to be. And you can't get there quickly by writing one script a year. So these past two years in particular have been an investment in that. I have made room for little else. And now it's time to see if that investment has paid off.
If I look at the eight full scripts I've written in the past two years, I can see the growth. But the first script I wrote in 2014 wasn't the first script I had ever written. I think at that time I was at about 10 full length plays, 10 spec pilots and 10 specs. And then I launched into this. I had gotten better over the years I had written that stuff. I had been productive. I had been working hard. But I had to invest the time in working on nothing else. For me. Other people could do it differently. Other people were able to work on other things, have paying jobs, and still make time for themselves and their work. I had somehow lost that. So I had to show myself that I could take time out and give the gift of full focus to myself. That I deserved to write full time. Two years seems like a luxury and it seems decadent. It seems irresponsible and indulgent. And it's all of those things. But when we luxuriate in something, when we feel like we're spoiling ourselves, we want to do it more. When we feel we are taking care of ourselves, we are valuing ourselves. And that's important to do. Positive reinforcement is essential.
It's said that when something becomes a practice, a routine, then it becomes a part of your life. And Productivity has become a practice. Yes, you can call it Art. My Art has become a practice. My Creativity has become a practice. But behind all of that Art and Creativity is Hard Work. A practice is daily, dedicated, devoted time. It's goal setting and goal accomplishing. I believe in Art and Creativity. But that also has a connotation that you're waiting for the muse to descend and touch your forehead with inspiration. I'm inspired the more I work. Work becomes a breeding ground for the bacteria that is inspiration. I create a friendly environment to become infected with creativity. But that environment is Hard Work. I have a schedule. I set intentions. I work. It's not just time sipping tea and waiting for things to happen.
That practice has laid some ground work. I knew in those two years that not every year would be solely about writing. That this was in preparation for other things to happen. But I also knew that I couldn't keep tabs on how long this was taking. I had to be in the moment and enjoy the time I had to write. I developed a philosophy of enjoying what I had and not dwelling on what I didn't. What I had in abundance was time. So it was my responsibility to use it. When I talk to friends and we catch up, they remark about how productive I've been. Not how creative I've been. Or how arty I've been. But my productivity. I've certainly been creative and arty with all of the work. Most of the work has been driven by a creative, arty impulse. I wrote one thing with the sole purpose of proving I could write it. It was a spec script that I wasn't expecting to be great because I knew I was pushing so far out of my boundaries, both in the subject matter and the time I had to get it done. That script was purely about pushing myself and making myself better as a practitioner. That was its purpose. Not every script will "hit it out of the park" or be a "home run." I hate those metaphors. You can't predict that stuff. Just like you can't predict that this year I will be rich. But you can work hard and make it way easier for those things to happen or to get closer to that intention.
So when I say that I'm preparing to go back to work full time, that's my intention. If the Universe has other plans for me, then I'll accept that. But my intention is
to get new representation in order to take meetings in order
to forge new working relationships in order
to be on someone's mind in order
to come up in conversation with producers and show runners in order
to get my script read in order
to get a meeting in order
to impress them with my talent and knowledge and personality and fashion choices in order
to get a job offer in order
to get staffed on a TV show in order
to pay my bills and build my career.
And then the next "in orders" come in. And as I look at that list, I am struck by a phrase "in order." I'm often stuck by the "to." The "to" is the thing you want. It's the thing we focus on. Here's my clear intention and here is what it is. I want to __________________. But the "in order" is equally as powerful. And it's not the visible, tangible thing. In Order doesn't only mean "so that I can." These things need to happen in a certain order. One thing leads to another. They are incremental steps that lead to the bigger picture. And when all is said and done and new representation leads to paying my bills and career, I can look at the steps I took along the way that supported that goal.
I'm grateful that I know those steps.
I'm grateful that I'm taking those steps.
I'm grateful that I can step.
Today's posting is like an Intention Setting Super Boost. It's like that B-12/Vitamin C combo shot I've taken in the past in order to not get sick when I feel something coming on. I feel the self-doubt that comes along with setting goals. Resistance. So I'm pushing through resistance because I can. And Resistance Training is incredibly effective, isn't it? It makes you stronger by using the power of opposition to make you stronger. It's not a bad thing.
I am grateful for the subject of my next post.
I am grateful for the consistency and quiet of my mornings.
I am grateful for digestive regularity.
I am grateful for my cleanse.
I am grateful for my ability to look at my life with some perspective.
No comments:
Post a Comment