More and More Myself

I had a business lunch this afternoon.  It's kind of funny calling it a business lunch, even though it is what it is.  But I had lunch with a friend of mine who I ran into at a party for all of these fabulous female playwrights.  We had worked together years ago when we were both assistants and now she's got a great job working for a production company in town.  We reminisced about our experiences and I shared what had been going on for me in the past couple of years.

Here's the thing that I noticed: I was completely myself.  And comfortable.

I wasn't trying to sell myself in a certain way.  I wasn't trying to be something I wasn't.  I wasn't trying to impress her.  I was just sharing where I was at.

The last time we got together, I definitely had an agenda.  I wanted her to see me in a certain way.  I was trying to pose myself as a certain kind of writer.

This time I just spoke about where I'm at in my life.  It was more authentic.  And it was a real revelation for me.  I don't have to be anything other than who I am.  I don't have to oversell myself.  I was insecure.  My father was super sick.  He was actually four days from passing away, which is amazing.  We got together almost exactly two years ago.  Wow.  I just looked that up.

So this meeting was a real marker for me.  How have I changed in the past two years?  The changes are vast.  It's almost indescribable.  I have changed so much in that time and have become so much more of myself.  The work is starting to reflect that.  I am sharing so much more of myself than I ever have.  It's incredible.

And I could see the response.  When I am more authentic, there is more of an authentic response.  People can feel it.  It cuts through a lot of the neurotic, superficial stuff we put on in order to make ourselves appear in a certain way: surer of ourselves, more successful, smarter.  Everything I gave today, with pure energy but not overselling myself, spoke of who I am.

And that's so good to know.

I am grateful for growth.
I am grateful for being able to speak my authenticity without censorship.
I am grateful for all of the knowledge I am attaining.
I am grateful for a peaceful evening.