Need to Write Today

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the ideas I have or the projects I want to work on.

I have a monologue I want to brush up.
Or the end of a pilot I need to change.
I have some more books to read on this play I'm writing.
I have to flesh out the characters for these new pilot ideas I'm coming up with.

As if it's going to magically just happen…
BOOM BOOM BOOM.

Yes, I understand that being in this room in my dedicated office space helps.

I have spent the last four days in the wilderness camping with my boyfriend.
Reading, talking, drinking, going on hikes, cooking.
Not writing.
And yet, as I've said before, it's all writing.
My mind opened up.
I wandered into my own head.
I meditated.
I slowed down.
My life was not consumed by Facebook and Twitter.
I connected with my boyfriend.
We had great conversations.
I needed to do that.
We needed to do that.

I find myself getting so consumed by other things in life.
Things I have to do.
I get distracted.
I get overwhelmed.
All I have to do is what's in front of me.

I feel that because of the lack of curated language
over the past four days
that I need to get to the business of writing.
And I do.

I mediated this morning.
I paid a bill.
I filled out an application for a fellowship.
I had a conversation with Tim about the laziness of gay culture.
We talked about this new pilot idea that Alanna and I landed on.
Then I watched some clips of Sharon Stone on Oprah's Master Class on line.
And now I'm blogging.  About nothing significant.
Just letting my fingers warm up.
Just knowing that I have thoughts in my head.
It feels good to know that I got dressed up this morning and headed out the door
when it would have been so much better to stay in bed with the hot, semi-naked guy
in my bed who wants nothing more to hold me in the morning.
Yeah, I'm that guy who gets up like clockwork and goes through a routine,
abandoning the hunk who has been in love with me and who I have been in love with
for the past three years.
But I know that my soul and my brain and my heart need to go to work.
I need to be interesting to myself and to him
so that we have things to bring to the table when I come back home.
I'm going to be home late tonight, so it made it extra difficult to leave this morning.
I felt a bit selfish, especially when I think I woke him up.
He's a musician, so he keeps later hours than me.

But I'm here.
I left all of that to be here.
So I have to work with purpose!

Crickets…

I just have to be here, doing what I'm doing.
That's enough.
It's consistent.  It's dependable.  It's routine.
It's my practice.

So I'll get to more writing today.
But in the meantime, maybe I'll have some lunch.
It's about that time.
Maybe I'll complete my to do list.
Maybe I'll take the pressure off of myself so I can get some work done.

I am grateful for my dedicated space.
I am grateful for the four days I went camping with my boyfriend.
I am grateful that we still matter to each other.
I am grateful that I have a sense of purpose.
I am grateful that I get to do my work all day.