Second Chances

I have been prepping a pitch for the past week or so. And I've been getting in my head about it. I was supposed to do this pitch last Friday, then I asked to have the weekend to do more preparation. The pitch was supposed to happen yesterday and then it was moved to Thursday.

I realize the Universe stepped in to give me more time. I wasn't ready. It would have been a fine pitch. But for some reason I haven't been as focused as I need to be. Why? I think I'm scared. This is a big step--more of a leap--forward for me. I know deep down I am capable of this leap. But I'm holding myself back. Purely out of fear. The doubts start to creep in and I start questioning myself. Again, I would have pushed through. But secretly I wanted a postponement. And that's what happened.

So now I have 24 hours to prep and rehearse and nail this pitch. It's a good pitch. It's a great idea. I'm fully ready for this. I've been building up to this for about a month. When I did the initial pitch last month, I took the call in a friend's home office. And that friend could overhear my pitch. She said that I sounded commanding. Every meeting since then has brought positive feedback. I think that the more time I have to work on it, I doubt myself.

I'm a person who's trying to live without so much anxiety. I'm successful in that pursuit, but those moments where the anxiety I do have sets in make it difficult to move forward. I realize that the kind of anxiety I used to have would have rendered me immobile. I fundamentally did not feel worthy. That's not where I am now.

I think my big issue is that I'm doing this alone. I'm standing apart from the crowd for the first time in my life - at least, it feels like that. I have no boyfriend to lean on. I have incredible friends who have been incredibly supportive and wonderful. The more I step forward, the easier it will get, I suppose. So it's imperative that I continue to step forward, despite my fear. I have been given a second chance to put even more work and preparation into this. I have been let off the hook from certain other writing duties to put my full energy into it. There are no obstacles in my way. Everything has opened up to allow me to put my full power into this pitch. I have to look at it that way.

I have been really negative lately and down on myself. That has to stop. This pep talk that I'm giving myself is helpful. People need to have more of those pep talks with themselves. It's great that I'm humbled by these opportunities and it's honorable that I feel blessed and fortunate. But these are my opportunities. I can't be so humbled that I don't step up to the challenge. I'm not lucky. I did this. This is my time. This is what I deserve. I have to step into my greatness. This is my time. This is the moment that I have been fantasizing about. All I have to do is step into what I deserve.

Okay. I'm going out there, Coach. Thanks for the pep talk.

I am grateful for this second chance.
I am grateful for extra time to perfect what is a great pitch.
I am grateful that I know how to take care of myself.
I am grateful that I am not letting anxiety rule me.
I am grateful that I'm pushing myself.