Let's Talk About Sex

I have an outline to really flesh out today.

And what instantly comes up for me?

My penis.

Cravings.  Both sexual and food.

I'm a horn dog when I'm trying to get work done.  It's something I don't really talk about, but it's ever present.  Sex is a big distraction--it's Resistance, actually--when I'm trying to get work done.  I have noticed that the more productive I am in general, the less my sex drive is because I'm putting that energy somewhere.  Or when I rev up the engine too much and I  know I have work to do, but I'm procrastinating, I just want to have sex all of the time.

I have had two really productive days.  I wrote the majority of the story out on Monday.  I did characters and read the screenplay for Annie Hall on Tuesday.  I watched Annie Hall as well.  I watched This is 40 last night.  I've been talking notes.  This week is off to a great start.

And now…
I want a cigarette.
I want sex.
And I want to eat.

Yes, I like to live by the motto "Treat Yo Self" when I'm working.  But even I have to keep my Self in check.

I remember reading Steven Pressfield's The War of Art years ago--and since--and coming across the chapter on Resistance and Sex.  I try to convince myself that it doesn't apply to me.  I don't let sex distract me.  I'm fine!  It doesn't control me.

It so control's me.  My damn libido!

It has kept me from doing a lot of work over the years.  I guess it comes from the same place that my food cravings come from.  I need to be comforted.  I need to feel good.  I need to know that I'm not a bad person.

One of my favorite Fran Lebowitz quotes is that writers do bad things to themselves "to make up for playing God."  We smoke.  We drink.  We eat.  We fuck.

So it makes sense to me that after feeling good for the past two days in what I've been able to accomplish both inside and outside of the office, that I want to have an orgy.  Okay, well not literally an orgy.  (Is that on the menu?)  But I've got a scratch.  That much I know.

So I'm going to just keep working. Maybe have that cigarette.

But definitely sit down and flesh out this outline.  I've got a stack of cards on my desk.  I'm not starting from zero.  I'm fine.

I'm afraid.

That's all right.  I've identified the problem.

I am grateful for enough life experience to know when Resistance is coming.
I am grateful for self awareness.
I am grateful for the stack of index cards on my desk.
I am grateful for the past two days.
I am grateful for Tim being in the office.
I am grateful for my filing system.
I am grateful for Academy Originals short films about the Creative Spark.
I am grateful to know that I am not in this alone.