Ask me how I am these days and I'll say I'm managing. Yes, I just went through a break up two weeks ago and my emotions are up and down. But I don't mean that I'm hanging in there. I mean that I'm juggling a lot of stuff right now. It feels good to be busy. I am the manager of my life.
I started teaching this week. I have seven students in my Playwriting class at SDSU. That's pretty amazing. It feels good to get back in the classroom. I enjoy sitting around and talking creativity with a bunch of students. We sat around for the first class yesterday and I went into my schpiel about what the class entails. I couldn't believe I was able to talk that much for that long. I think I kept the energy up and kept things interesting.
Today, I spent all day coming up with my lesson plans for all the classes I'm teaching. I kind of couldn't help myself. I'm trying to create room for other things to come into my life by having all of my teaching plans settled. It means, again, that I am clearing the launch pad. Making room for the things that need to come into my life. I went through each week and realized that I have a pretty good plan for how this class is supposed to work. I have a pretty good sense of organization.
I have another project I'm working on: the play rewrite challenge. I'm going to finish the play I started in February. And in order to get that going, I probably have to have the pilot I'm working on now off my plate. That has been hard. I've been really interested in the ideas and themes of the pilot, but it has taken me awhile to wrap my head around what to change. I think I'm closer, but I need to find time to write the thing. And honestly, I think I'm dragging my feet because there are a few things I still need to figure out. Also, I know I can bang out that pilot in three days, once I know where I'm going.
I've been looking for new representation as well. My material is out to some people. I sent it out and I'm kind of forgetting about it. I'm just letting things be right now because I'm so busy. Yes, I want things to happen yesterday. But I've got to focus on what is in front of me. And there's plenty to focus on in that arena.
I'm feeling incredibly busy, productive and useful. Maybe that's a distraction from the break up. But at least it's keeping me moving.
I am grateful for all of the activity in my life.
I am grateful for the fun I'm having.
I am grateful for the friends who have rallied around me.
I am grateful for the fact that things are looking up.
I am grateful that I'm not spending my weekend at a music conference this year.
I am grateful that the sky's the limit.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Sunday, January 10, 2016
The Rocket Ship
My friend Susan talks about the Rocket Ship. You know the one. That ship that's waiting to take us into the stratosphere, the place beyond the stars that we've been dreaming of our whole lives. The place where our dreams are actualized and where we can become the full realization of ourselves. But in order for that rocket ship to take off, it needs to have a clear launching pad free of clutter. If it doesn't have a place to take off, it can't take us to the places we need to go.
This week my launching pad got a major clean up. The relationship that occupied so much of my time and that was so rife with struggle and love and devotion and challenges ended. I didn't know this rocket ship was waiting to take off. I don't know how long it has been waiting to take off. I might not have even known there was a launching pad. But once the clutter was cleared away, there it was…waiting. It looks so beautiful there waiting for me, waiting for the rocket ship to be brought to it. Waiting for me to climb in that rocket ship and take off. I have to be careful and remember that now once it's cleared, I don't need to clutter it with anything.
My whole life I have believed that I am nothing without someone there to support me and hold me up. I have always believed that I needed someone else to go before me and forge the road ahead. I didn't have confidence that I could be leading the pack. Last year, I learned some things about myself. I learned that I can have a voice and speak up and stand up for what I believe in when it comes to my work and I won't be punished or reprimanded for it. I'll actually be rewarded. I can't be the leader, the head, the show runner, the producer I want to be without that information. I learned to trust my instinct. I learned that I can stand alone. I can't be the human being, the leader, the forecaster, the friend I want to be without that information. I can't be the person I am meant to be without that information and last year I got that information. I can act on that information.
I can be the only passenger in that rocket ship. I can visit other travelers and come together. I can be in community with them. But I don't need them to propel that rocket ship. I don't mean that in a selfish, egotistical way. I mean that in the way that I am enough. It's hard to know that. It's hard to believe that on a consistent basis. I struggle with that constantly. But that's the information I finally understood last year.
I have worked hard for a long time. I have been dedicated to my craft and excited by it for a long time. Two years ago, I embarked on a journey. I decided to just sit down and write. I would always sit down and write, but sitting down and writing meant something different after my Dad died. This was the first time I was able to write about death. I had an idea about a play about someone surviving someone's death. So I wrote. And then at the end of that period where I vomited out a 119 page draft of an overlong, overwrought play, I had an idea for something I wanted to write and I wrote that the next month. Then the energy of that propelled me forward into a month where I had to rewrite the pilot and the play and write something new. I kept going after challenge after challenge, mainly finishing early drafts of each project. Eventually, that work led to an office. At the end of that year, I wrote five scripts and about 1000 pages. I called that the year of Productivity. I churned stuff out at a quick pace.
The following year, I had one big project take up most of the year from January to September. There I learned what it takes to really hone something down and how to be relentless. I don't think I've ever worked on something that consistently for nine months straight. Even when I wanted to stop, I couldn't stop. I worked on one thing most of that year and really learned the craft of honing and refining. By the time September came around, I knew I had to work on something else to feel productive. I wrote a new pilot. Then I rewrote another pilot and now that pilot is done. I ended the year with three scripts done, a fourth in the works, and 2000 pages written. Last year felt like a year where my productivity few into refinement. Those are the two scripts I'm now sending out to people. But the scripts really felt like a result of the work that I had been doing on a creative level. That process was really about me standing on my own. And the pilot made me feel like I could write something sharp and fun and hit the notes I needed to hit.
I didn't know that standing on my own in my work would lead me to standing on my own in my life. And that confidence needs to carry me through this next phase. I've accelerated the pace with this year, The Year of Challenges, with a new challenge every month. It feels like even though I didn't know it, I am preparing for the rocket ship to take off. Now with my new single status, I see that my trust in myself has led me here. And that this is exactly where I need to be. Now that I have been able to stand up for myself in my work, I need to stand up for myself in my life. The next challenge will be to choose new work partners to engage with. And I have to be just as strong to go with my instinct and to not go with someone unless I truly believe in them. Everything that has come before has prepared me for that. And that's the only way the rocket ship will be clear for take off.
I am grateful for all the knowledge.
I am grateful for the ability to connect the dots.
I am grateful for the cleansing experience I'm having with my month of sobriety.
I am grateful for the clarity I'm having.
This week my launching pad got a major clean up. The relationship that occupied so much of my time and that was so rife with struggle and love and devotion and challenges ended. I didn't know this rocket ship was waiting to take off. I don't know how long it has been waiting to take off. I might not have even known there was a launching pad. But once the clutter was cleared away, there it was…waiting. It looks so beautiful there waiting for me, waiting for the rocket ship to be brought to it. Waiting for me to climb in that rocket ship and take off. I have to be careful and remember that now once it's cleared, I don't need to clutter it with anything.
My whole life I have believed that I am nothing without someone there to support me and hold me up. I have always believed that I needed someone else to go before me and forge the road ahead. I didn't have confidence that I could be leading the pack. Last year, I learned some things about myself. I learned that I can have a voice and speak up and stand up for what I believe in when it comes to my work and I won't be punished or reprimanded for it. I'll actually be rewarded. I can't be the leader, the head, the show runner, the producer I want to be without that information. I learned to trust my instinct. I learned that I can stand alone. I can't be the human being, the leader, the forecaster, the friend I want to be without that information. I can't be the person I am meant to be without that information and last year I got that information. I can act on that information.
I can be the only passenger in that rocket ship. I can visit other travelers and come together. I can be in community with them. But I don't need them to propel that rocket ship. I don't mean that in a selfish, egotistical way. I mean that in the way that I am enough. It's hard to know that. It's hard to believe that on a consistent basis. I struggle with that constantly. But that's the information I finally understood last year.
I have worked hard for a long time. I have been dedicated to my craft and excited by it for a long time. Two years ago, I embarked on a journey. I decided to just sit down and write. I would always sit down and write, but sitting down and writing meant something different after my Dad died. This was the first time I was able to write about death. I had an idea about a play about someone surviving someone's death. So I wrote. And then at the end of that period where I vomited out a 119 page draft of an overlong, overwrought play, I had an idea for something I wanted to write and I wrote that the next month. Then the energy of that propelled me forward into a month where I had to rewrite the pilot and the play and write something new. I kept going after challenge after challenge, mainly finishing early drafts of each project. Eventually, that work led to an office. At the end of that year, I wrote five scripts and about 1000 pages. I called that the year of Productivity. I churned stuff out at a quick pace.
The following year, I had one big project take up most of the year from January to September. There I learned what it takes to really hone something down and how to be relentless. I don't think I've ever worked on something that consistently for nine months straight. Even when I wanted to stop, I couldn't stop. I worked on one thing most of that year and really learned the craft of honing and refining. By the time September came around, I knew I had to work on something else to feel productive. I wrote a new pilot. Then I rewrote another pilot and now that pilot is done. I ended the year with three scripts done, a fourth in the works, and 2000 pages written. Last year felt like a year where my productivity few into refinement. Those are the two scripts I'm now sending out to people. But the scripts really felt like a result of the work that I had been doing on a creative level. That process was really about me standing on my own. And the pilot made me feel like I could write something sharp and fun and hit the notes I needed to hit.
I didn't know that standing on my own in my work would lead me to standing on my own in my life. And that confidence needs to carry me through this next phase. I've accelerated the pace with this year, The Year of Challenges, with a new challenge every month. It feels like even though I didn't know it, I am preparing for the rocket ship to take off. Now with my new single status, I see that my trust in myself has led me here. And that this is exactly where I need to be. Now that I have been able to stand up for myself in my work, I need to stand up for myself in my life. The next challenge will be to choose new work partners to engage with. And I have to be just as strong to go with my instinct and to not go with someone unless I truly believe in them. Everything that has come before has prepared me for that. And that's the only way the rocket ship will be clear for take off.
I am grateful for all the knowledge.
I am grateful for the ability to connect the dots.
I am grateful for the cleansing experience I'm having with my month of sobriety.
I am grateful for the clarity I'm having.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Resistance Training
One of my favorite Inspiration Books is The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. His follow up, Turning Pro is also very good and a deepening of his message. The big concept in that book is Resistance, the force that creeps up when we're trying to achieve something worthwhile. Resistance takes a lot of forms: negative thought, distraction, anger, insecurity, sex, money, instant gratification. And the force of Resistance seems to be the strongest when we're really close to achieving something. That's when it's at its zenith.
As I was writing my last blog post, I wrote down a phrase: Resistance Training. I love resistance training in the context of exercise. You're using oppositional force in order to strengthen your muscles. I think this concept also applies to Pressfield's definition of Resistance. You have to have an awareness of that opposition in order to fight against it. And every time you fight against it and succeed, you come on stronger. So that the Resistance has to be even greater in order for you to continue to grow. So maybe the Resistance seemed less earlier in your life because you hadn't achieved as much. But the the more you achieve, the greater the force of Resistance gets. Every time you overcome Resistance, that force has to become stronger so that it's a challenge. If you're exercising, you're not going to do the same amount of weight forever because you wouldn't be getting anything out of it. It stops being effective. And if it gets too easy and you're bored, you stop doing it. That's actually where Resistance can also strike. If you're not engaged and you don't have to push, you stop pushing and Resistance wins because you gave up.
It's so easy to see Resistance as this immovable force and this pain in the ass. But it's also what forces growth. There are people who say that their greatest teachers have been the ones who have hurt them the most. In Kabbalah, they talk about how people who challenge you teach you the most and that's actually the purpose of spiritual relationships.
I'm trying to adopt a philosophy of wanting to be challenged. It's why I've given myself at least one new challenge a month this year. Those challenges will change. Those challenges won't always be about writing. But they'll be about growth. My three Challenges this month are:
As I was writing my last blog post, I wrote down a phrase: Resistance Training. I love resistance training in the context of exercise. You're using oppositional force in order to strengthen your muscles. I think this concept also applies to Pressfield's definition of Resistance. You have to have an awareness of that opposition in order to fight against it. And every time you fight against it and succeed, you come on stronger. So that the Resistance has to be even greater in order for you to continue to grow. So maybe the Resistance seemed less earlier in your life because you hadn't achieved as much. But the the more you achieve, the greater the force of Resistance gets. Every time you overcome Resistance, that force has to become stronger so that it's a challenge. If you're exercising, you're not going to do the same amount of weight forever because you wouldn't be getting anything out of it. It stops being effective. And if it gets too easy and you're bored, you stop doing it. That's actually where Resistance can also strike. If you're not engaged and you don't have to push, you stop pushing and Resistance wins because you gave up.
It's so easy to see Resistance as this immovable force and this pain in the ass. But it's also what forces growth. There are people who say that their greatest teachers have been the ones who have hurt them the most. In Kabbalah, they talk about how people who challenge you teach you the most and that's actually the purpose of spiritual relationships.
I'm trying to adopt a philosophy of wanting to be challenged. It's why I've given myself at least one new challenge a month this year. Those challenges will change. Those challenges won't always be about writing. But they'll be about growth. My three Challenges this month are:
- Rewrite something I wrote last year.
- Go vegan and sober.
- Find new representation.
And I'm taking steps to make that happen. I am:
- Writing every day.
- Looking at the original script. Taking notes.
- Researching and reading books on the topic.
- Eating oatmeal every morning.
- Taking psyllium husk every morning.
- Cooking.
- Drinking lots of water and teas.
- Sending out my material to potential reps.
- Emailing contacts that might have referrals for me.
- Meeting up with people.
- Reaching it out, even it it feels uncomfortable.
- Starting the day quiet.
- Ending the day quiet.
Resistance will always be there. And I have to push against it instead of letting it overpower me. But it has and will continue to make me stronger and better. And if I put more Challenges in front of me, more opportunities for growth, then I will grow faster and stronger than I would have without those Challenges. Building muscles means that you're in a constant state of soreness. But that also means you're working hard.
I am grateful for Hard Work.
I am grateful for Spiritual Growth.
I am grateful for this blog.
I am grateful for good ginger tea.
I am grateful for vegan tacos.
I am grateful for the abundance of love in my life.
Intentions 2016: Preparing to Go Back to Work Full Time
It's said that Rome wasn't built in a day, that there are no Overnight Successes, and life has to be taken One Day at a Time. But when we set an intention, we want it to spring up out of the Earth fully formed, ripe and ready. I've spent the past few years working on my desire for Instant Gratification. It used to be the way I operated. I would write something and immediately send it out for public consumption. It's like I was saying, "I'm a genius who can just write something and send it out because it's amazing right away!" Then I would be disappointed when I wouldn't get the feedback I wanted. I would hear of these mythical creatures who would hold onto their work until their "first draft"--which was probably a culmination of at least three or four drafts--was ready and solid. I was operating from an Amateur perspective because I thought things should just happen right away. And I wasn't really getting anywhere.
Now there's something to be said about being super productive and moving on to the next thing. The job I want is to be staffed on a TV show. In order to be prepared for that, I need to be smart, attentive and a good writer. That's a given. But I also literally need to be up to speed on the pace of the job. I need to be able to have ideas at the ready. I need to be able to outline and write under a deadline. But I can't just know how to do that. I need to be doing that constantly, so that when I'm plucked to join the majors, I can just step right in. Another saying goes, "Start doing the job that you want." That's an intention. If I start doing the job I want, then it signals to the Universe that it's the job for me. But on a practical level, it means that I'm practicing or rehearsing for that job. It means I'm getting better. It means that I'm training myself to work quicker but also distilling what I do so that I'm better and faster.
From my years in the business working on the management and production sides, I learned some important things. This is a business built on a fantasy. Not just the fantasy of having a luxurious and successful life. Not just the fantasy of the fiction that's created. But the fantasy that all creative people are superhuman. And that those super humans are in their 20s. I always told people that yes, it's important to be good. It's important to be talented. That's a given. No one gives you a pass on that. But you also need to be fast because that means you can then move onto the next thing. And the next thing will make you better. The more you work the shorter the amount of time between great drafts. You need to get to that great draft ASAP. But you can't just do that by writing one script. You can't just do that by your third script. You have to be working on that level for awhile to really get it. The ideal is to be good and fast. That's where you want to be. And you can't get there quickly by writing one script a year. So these past two years in particular have been an investment in that. I have made room for little else. And now it's time to see if that investment has paid off.
If I look at the eight full scripts I've written in the past two years, I can see the growth. But the first script I wrote in 2014 wasn't the first script I had ever written. I think at that time I was at about 10 full length plays, 10 spec pilots and 10 specs. And then I launched into this. I had gotten better over the years I had written that stuff. I had been productive. I had been working hard. But I had to invest the time in working on nothing else. For me. Other people could do it differently. Other people were able to work on other things, have paying jobs, and still make time for themselves and their work. I had somehow lost that. So I had to show myself that I could take time out and give the gift of full focus to myself. That I deserved to write full time. Two years seems like a luxury and it seems decadent. It seems irresponsible and indulgent. And it's all of those things. But when we luxuriate in something, when we feel like we're spoiling ourselves, we want to do it more. When we feel we are taking care of ourselves, we are valuing ourselves. And that's important to do. Positive reinforcement is essential.
It's said that when something becomes a practice, a routine, then it becomes a part of your life. And Productivity has become a practice. Yes, you can call it Art. My Art has become a practice. My Creativity has become a practice. But behind all of that Art and Creativity is Hard Work. A practice is daily, dedicated, devoted time. It's goal setting and goal accomplishing. I believe in Art and Creativity. But that also has a connotation that you're waiting for the muse to descend and touch your forehead with inspiration. I'm inspired the more I work. Work becomes a breeding ground for the bacteria that is inspiration. I create a friendly environment to become infected with creativity. But that environment is Hard Work. I have a schedule. I set intentions. I work. It's not just time sipping tea and waiting for things to happen.
That practice has laid some ground work. I knew in those two years that not every year would be solely about writing. That this was in preparation for other things to happen. But I also knew that I couldn't keep tabs on how long this was taking. I had to be in the moment and enjoy the time I had to write. I developed a philosophy of enjoying what I had and not dwelling on what I didn't. What I had in abundance was time. So it was my responsibility to use it. When I talk to friends and we catch up, they remark about how productive I've been. Not how creative I've been. Or how arty I've been. But my productivity. I've certainly been creative and arty with all of the work. Most of the work has been driven by a creative, arty impulse. I wrote one thing with the sole purpose of proving I could write it. It was a spec script that I wasn't expecting to be great because I knew I was pushing so far out of my boundaries, both in the subject matter and the time I had to get it done. That script was purely about pushing myself and making myself better as a practitioner. That was its purpose. Not every script will "hit it out of the park" or be a "home run." I hate those metaphors. You can't predict that stuff. Just like you can't predict that this year I will be rich. But you can work hard and make it way easier for those things to happen or to get closer to that intention.
So when I say that I'm preparing to go back to work full time, that's my intention. If the Universe has other plans for me, then I'll accept that. But my intention is
to get new representation in order to take meetings in order
to forge new working relationships in order
to be on someone's mind in order
to come up in conversation with producers and show runners in order
to get my script read in order
to get a meeting in order
to impress them with my talent and knowledge and personality and fashion choices in order
to get a job offer in order
to get staffed on a TV show in order
to pay my bills and build my career.
And then the next "in orders" come in. And as I look at that list, I am struck by a phrase "in order." I'm often stuck by the "to." The "to" is the thing you want. It's the thing we focus on. Here's my clear intention and here is what it is. I want to __________________. But the "in order" is equally as powerful. And it's not the visible, tangible thing. In Order doesn't only mean "so that I can." These things need to happen in a certain order. One thing leads to another. They are incremental steps that lead to the bigger picture. And when all is said and done and new representation leads to paying my bills and career, I can look at the steps I took along the way that supported that goal.
I'm grateful that I know those steps.
I'm grateful that I'm taking those steps.
I'm grateful that I can step.
Today's posting is like an Intention Setting Super Boost. It's like that B-12/Vitamin C combo shot I've taken in the past in order to not get sick when I feel something coming on. I feel the self-doubt that comes along with setting goals. Resistance. So I'm pushing through resistance because I can. And Resistance Training is incredibly effective, isn't it? It makes you stronger by using the power of opposition to make you stronger. It's not a bad thing.
I am grateful for the subject of my next post.
I am grateful for the consistency and quiet of my mornings.
I am grateful for digestive regularity.
I am grateful for my cleanse.
I am grateful for my ability to look at my life with some perspective.
Now there's something to be said about being super productive and moving on to the next thing. The job I want is to be staffed on a TV show. In order to be prepared for that, I need to be smart, attentive and a good writer. That's a given. But I also literally need to be up to speed on the pace of the job. I need to be able to have ideas at the ready. I need to be able to outline and write under a deadline. But I can't just know how to do that. I need to be doing that constantly, so that when I'm plucked to join the majors, I can just step right in. Another saying goes, "Start doing the job that you want." That's an intention. If I start doing the job I want, then it signals to the Universe that it's the job for me. But on a practical level, it means that I'm practicing or rehearsing for that job. It means I'm getting better. It means that I'm training myself to work quicker but also distilling what I do so that I'm better and faster.
From my years in the business working on the management and production sides, I learned some important things. This is a business built on a fantasy. Not just the fantasy of having a luxurious and successful life. Not just the fantasy of the fiction that's created. But the fantasy that all creative people are superhuman. And that those super humans are in their 20s. I always told people that yes, it's important to be good. It's important to be talented. That's a given. No one gives you a pass on that. But you also need to be fast because that means you can then move onto the next thing. And the next thing will make you better. The more you work the shorter the amount of time between great drafts. You need to get to that great draft ASAP. But you can't just do that by writing one script. You can't just do that by your third script. You have to be working on that level for awhile to really get it. The ideal is to be good and fast. That's where you want to be. And you can't get there quickly by writing one script a year. So these past two years in particular have been an investment in that. I have made room for little else. And now it's time to see if that investment has paid off.
If I look at the eight full scripts I've written in the past two years, I can see the growth. But the first script I wrote in 2014 wasn't the first script I had ever written. I think at that time I was at about 10 full length plays, 10 spec pilots and 10 specs. And then I launched into this. I had gotten better over the years I had written that stuff. I had been productive. I had been working hard. But I had to invest the time in working on nothing else. For me. Other people could do it differently. Other people were able to work on other things, have paying jobs, and still make time for themselves and their work. I had somehow lost that. So I had to show myself that I could take time out and give the gift of full focus to myself. That I deserved to write full time. Two years seems like a luxury and it seems decadent. It seems irresponsible and indulgent. And it's all of those things. But when we luxuriate in something, when we feel like we're spoiling ourselves, we want to do it more. When we feel we are taking care of ourselves, we are valuing ourselves. And that's important to do. Positive reinforcement is essential.
It's said that when something becomes a practice, a routine, then it becomes a part of your life. And Productivity has become a practice. Yes, you can call it Art. My Art has become a practice. My Creativity has become a practice. But behind all of that Art and Creativity is Hard Work. A practice is daily, dedicated, devoted time. It's goal setting and goal accomplishing. I believe in Art and Creativity. But that also has a connotation that you're waiting for the muse to descend and touch your forehead with inspiration. I'm inspired the more I work. Work becomes a breeding ground for the bacteria that is inspiration. I create a friendly environment to become infected with creativity. But that environment is Hard Work. I have a schedule. I set intentions. I work. It's not just time sipping tea and waiting for things to happen.
That practice has laid some ground work. I knew in those two years that not every year would be solely about writing. That this was in preparation for other things to happen. But I also knew that I couldn't keep tabs on how long this was taking. I had to be in the moment and enjoy the time I had to write. I developed a philosophy of enjoying what I had and not dwelling on what I didn't. What I had in abundance was time. So it was my responsibility to use it. When I talk to friends and we catch up, they remark about how productive I've been. Not how creative I've been. Or how arty I've been. But my productivity. I've certainly been creative and arty with all of the work. Most of the work has been driven by a creative, arty impulse. I wrote one thing with the sole purpose of proving I could write it. It was a spec script that I wasn't expecting to be great because I knew I was pushing so far out of my boundaries, both in the subject matter and the time I had to get it done. That script was purely about pushing myself and making myself better as a practitioner. That was its purpose. Not every script will "hit it out of the park" or be a "home run." I hate those metaphors. You can't predict that stuff. Just like you can't predict that this year I will be rich. But you can work hard and make it way easier for those things to happen or to get closer to that intention.
So when I say that I'm preparing to go back to work full time, that's my intention. If the Universe has other plans for me, then I'll accept that. But my intention is
to get new representation in order to take meetings in order
to forge new working relationships in order
to be on someone's mind in order
to come up in conversation with producers and show runners in order
to get my script read in order
to get a meeting in order
to impress them with my talent and knowledge and personality and fashion choices in order
to get a job offer in order
to get staffed on a TV show in order
to pay my bills and build my career.
And then the next "in orders" come in. And as I look at that list, I am struck by a phrase "in order." I'm often stuck by the "to." The "to" is the thing you want. It's the thing we focus on. Here's my clear intention and here is what it is. I want to __________________. But the "in order" is equally as powerful. And it's not the visible, tangible thing. In Order doesn't only mean "so that I can." These things need to happen in a certain order. One thing leads to another. They are incremental steps that lead to the bigger picture. And when all is said and done and new representation leads to paying my bills and career, I can look at the steps I took along the way that supported that goal.
I'm grateful that I know those steps.
I'm grateful that I'm taking those steps.
I'm grateful that I can step.
Today's posting is like an Intention Setting Super Boost. It's like that B-12/Vitamin C combo shot I've taken in the past in order to not get sick when I feel something coming on. I feel the self-doubt that comes along with setting goals. Resistance. So I'm pushing through resistance because I can. And Resistance Training is incredibly effective, isn't it? It makes you stronger by using the power of opposition to make you stronger. It's not a bad thing.
I am grateful for the subject of my next post.
I am grateful for the consistency and quiet of my mornings.
I am grateful for digestive regularity.
I am grateful for my cleanse.
I am grateful for my ability to look at my life with some perspective.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Don't Get Too Excited
I get excited.
It's the new year and I'm ready to set it off. But it might be a good idea to pump the brakes a little bit and ease into the new year. I know that my year will get busy before I know it with little effort from me. So to enjoy some of the ease that the end of the year brought might be a good thing. I went away to Portland for a week and really just enjoyed being with my family. We hung out. We watched movies. We made tamales. It was a really good time.
I got back to town and I just had to finish a rewrite on a script. A real mild rewrite. Now I'm in the process of sending the script out along with the play I wrote last year to try and find new representation. It's really interesting to be in the process of looking for a new business relationship. I remember all of anxiety and worry I felt when I was in the thick of "making it happen." I had everything in place to make it happen but I lost the main element: the work. So I went back and retrieved the work and really focused on that.
I have been a bit of a loner on my own journey. I needed to venture out on my own. And now that I've done that, here I am ready to get back into the game. I'm trying to just ease into it, though. The last two years were so productive and wonderfully so that I don't have to worry that things are going to heat up. As it is, I already have a reading coming up in April. I have a TV pilot script I want to write later in the year. And I have a play I'm writing now. I'm definitely not at a loss for things to write. I also don't want to overwhelm myself. I start teaching in two weeks. I'm going to be pressed for time. That would make you think that I was freaking out and nervous about getting enough work done in the next two weeks. But I know I can juggle. I think it's best to just appreciate this time now. And it's not like I'm doing nothing. I'm doing a lot of work, but I'm trying not to stress out.
Slow and steady wins the race, they say. Well, I'm trying to adopt that mentality. To just be consistent and get my work done.
I am grateful for positive influences in my life.
I am grateful for good friends.
I am grateful for my spiritual, emotional and physical cleanse.
I am grateful for the detox.
I am grateful for love in my life.
It's the new year and I'm ready to set it off. But it might be a good idea to pump the brakes a little bit and ease into the new year. I know that my year will get busy before I know it with little effort from me. So to enjoy some of the ease that the end of the year brought might be a good thing. I went away to Portland for a week and really just enjoyed being with my family. We hung out. We watched movies. We made tamales. It was a really good time.
I got back to town and I just had to finish a rewrite on a script. A real mild rewrite. Now I'm in the process of sending the script out along with the play I wrote last year to try and find new representation. It's really interesting to be in the process of looking for a new business relationship. I remember all of anxiety and worry I felt when I was in the thick of "making it happen." I had everything in place to make it happen but I lost the main element: the work. So I went back and retrieved the work and really focused on that.
I have been a bit of a loner on my own journey. I needed to venture out on my own. And now that I've done that, here I am ready to get back into the game. I'm trying to just ease into it, though. The last two years were so productive and wonderfully so that I don't have to worry that things are going to heat up. As it is, I already have a reading coming up in April. I have a TV pilot script I want to write later in the year. And I have a play I'm writing now. I'm definitely not at a loss for things to write. I also don't want to overwhelm myself. I start teaching in two weeks. I'm going to be pressed for time. That would make you think that I was freaking out and nervous about getting enough work done in the next two weeks. But I know I can juggle. I think it's best to just appreciate this time now. And it's not like I'm doing nothing. I'm doing a lot of work, but I'm trying not to stress out.
Slow and steady wins the race, they say. Well, I'm trying to adopt that mentality. To just be consistent and get my work done.
I am grateful for positive influences in my life.
I am grateful for good friends.
I am grateful for my spiritual, emotional and physical cleanse.
I am grateful for the detox.
I am grateful for love in my life.
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Q1: 2016 - The Rewrite Plan
For the past two years, I have mapped out plans for each quarter of the year. I'm modeling the financial quarters in order to treat my work as a business and to have a prospectus for each quarter. This year in particular, my quarterly plan seems to be a bit more organized.
I have decided that 2016 will be The Year of Challenges where I take on one challenge a month to focus on. In most months, it might be more than one challenge. But I'm trying to manage my energy so that I sustain this Year of Challenges all the way through 2016. I'm not setting expectations of what those Challenges will result in. I leave that open to all of the positive outcomes available to me. But I do have certain short term targets I'm trying to reach.
But the First Quarter in particular will deal with rewriting scripts. January's Challenge is to rewrite something I wrote in 2015. In this case, it will be a pilot I started in October as a part of my Pilot Writing Challenge and continued with in November as a part of my Pilot Rewrite Challenge. If I'm being honest, it goes back to September with my outline. This pilot will be the one new pilot I started last year. I will have a new pilot I'm sending out to potential representatives and this pilot which I can say I am finishing up when I am asked what I am working on. I also have an idea for a new pilot that I'm mulling over to see if the idea continues to intrigue me in April or May when I actually start working on it.
The thing I have learned over the past two years of this kind of productivity is that it takes planning and dedication--every day dedication--to get nearly 3000 pages written in two years. I am constantly thinking about what I'm working on. It's a bit narcissistic, sure. But being an artist is an easily identifiable form of narcissism. You have to assume that your voice is worth being heard by the public, whether that's someone other than yourself or thousands or millions. But the size of that audience makes me want to withdraw even more and go into myself and consider what I am saying. And the thought of that takes me back to Walt Whitman's Song of Myself, which is one of my all time favorite pieces of literature. More on that in a later post.
I can't just write a play in a month or a pilot in a month. I have to have an idea. I have to think about that idea and let it roam around in my head for months or years. But I have set up these twelve challenges this year, so I have a month for writing each project. But that month must just be writing. It can't be to write my outline or start the research process. I can't go from conception to first draft in a month. I'm fast and I like to write quickly, but if I don't have an idea which has settled in my brain and started to spread itself around like a virus, then it doesn't really have much impact for me. So I have to have a plan.
And the plan for January is to rewrite something I've already written. My plan for February is to work on the play I started at the end of last year. The plan for March is to rewrite a play I wrote two years ago for a reading in April. I have my work ahead of me. While those are three goals for the first quarter of 2016, I will be teaching and I'll be looking for work. Even though I believe, according to the things I do know about the first half of the year, that I will have more things scheduled I also have set a stricter writing schedule for myself than I have the past two years. This is not because I think I'm going to get more done. But this is because I feel like taking the next step will involve more writing challenges throughout the year. It's a way for me to organize myself.
Rewriting is also a way for me to ease myself into the new year. I won't technically be writing anything new (or anything I haven't already started) until April. That also switches up the dynamic a bit for me. For the past two years, I started with a new play in February. That kind of carried me into my year. But I'm starting in January with something that's a carry over from last year. But this idea that the First Quarter is the rewrite quarter is a way to close out 2015 and really make a steady leap into 2016. Rewriting is also a re-evaluation. It's an assessment. It's a check in. In a way it preps me for writing some new stuff in the Second Quarter. It's not easy per se, but it's not just jumping into stuff.
Going into the third year of having a writing plan makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I have established a routine. Now I know that the five script writing year was not a fluke. That I actually improved on my numbers from 2014. Not that that's my goal. But I feel like I'm accomplishing more and more. And this is where my focus needs to be. I'm in a fancy pair of Adidas sweatpants and a nice hoodie from J. Crew. I'm sitting on the sofa and I'm getting to work. It's routine. It's a practice. It's consistent.
I am grateful for a third year of consistent writing.
I am grateful for every day I get to write.
I am grateful for the inspiration that continues to show up.
I am grateful for the friendships forged from writing.
I am grateful for the food I had today.
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