Anniversaries

July is a big, emotional month.

7/5 is my niece's birthday.
7/11 was my anniversary with my ex.
7/12 is my Grandmother's birthday (she would have been 98 tomorrow)
7/23 is the anniversary of my Dad's death
7/24 is my parents' wedding anniversary

And this year, most likely, my best friend's child will be born this month. Today perhaps.

That anniversary of the relationship would have been last week.  We would have been together six years. We made it to four and a half. We've been broken up for 18 months. And life has changed dramatically in that year and a half. I have lost weight. I have had two seasons on a TV show as a staff writer, then Co-Producer. I have joined a theatre company, produced workshops, directed a workshop, had my work presented, and will have an upcoming production. I have travelled some. I have spent a lot of great time with friends. Had some incredible dinners and drinks dates with friends. A lot has happened in that time.

I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm considering putting myself out there and dating. I have not been on a single date in 18 months. That's completely by choice. I have also been "too busy to date." And that's been a fine excuse. Yet, something has happened over the past 3-4 weeks where my interest has been piqued. I'm noticing that guys are coming up to me. I've given out my card a few times. None of it has resulted in an actual date, but the energy I'm giving off is that I'm open.

Then a friend and I had a interesting text exchange yesterday. And it became clear that there's some mutual interest. Now I don't know if that's as a boyfriend, as a FWB, as a fuck buddy or as a wingman. But we both admitted that we thought the other person wasn't interested, so we didn't make a move last month when we were both in the same town visiting. The reason it's relevant to discuss in this blog - other than that this is my life and relationships are a part of it - is that he's also a writer. And one of the first things he said to me in the text chain was  that we can't date because we're writers and that's a no-no. I'm not reading into it but I'm reading into it because I'm a writer. And the story I'm telling myself right now is that he's probably reading into it too because he's also a writer. And that's what writers do.

Maybe I'm open to dating. Maybe I'm open to exploring what this thing could be. The thing is that I've known this person for 17 or 18 years. We met in New York. Doesn't that sound like a story that you tell in front of people as you're about to give a speech? Or not. I know that when we saw each other in Portland last month, I knew I wanted to hang out with him more. I might have been flirty - I'm usually flirty. But I wasn't trying to get into his pants. Maybe that's why he thought I wasn't interested. I just knew that I liked talking to him.

I'm taking it easy because I'm getting to know this new version of myself. Yesterday was the anniversary of my Dad's death and an anniversary of sorts for me for when I started a new chapter of my life. I'm enjoying this person living this life. I want to get to know him better. I want more from this new chapter. I want this chapter to be juicy and fun and productive and exciting and inspiring.

I sit here today, reflective. Happy for the things I've experienced over the past five years, and excited about the things to come.

My intention is awareness.
My intention is to relax.
My intention is to love and grow.
My intention is to have good people in my life.

I am grateful for time in the Korean Spa while my car is being fixed.
I am grateful for the car I drive.
I am grateful that I have the money for all of the repairs.
I am grateful I can pay the bill.
I am grateful that I am thinking abundantly.
I am grateful for flirting.
I am grateful that I have a nap coming up.