The Professional Life

I turned in my latest pilot script to my manager on Monday.

This was a script I had been working on for awhile. I had the idea over 18 months ago. Then I wrote two drafts in quick succession at the end of 2015, after spending most of the year working on one play. Then I put it down and picked it back up so many times in the next year and a half. I've written eleven drafts of this script in that time. And countless outlines. But those drafts were a result of me putting the script down for months and then having to pick it back up, figure out where I had left off, re-think what I was doing, re-outline what I had worked on previously and then banging out a new draft. It took me so long because I put it down and picked it back up. And why? Because I had finally realized the dream of being a working TV writer. But I had no idea where I had left off previously because sometimes I put the script down for several months. I think the longest break was eight months because I finished a draft before starting on our show and then picked it up again after writing three scripts for the show, being in production on the show, and writing a new draft of an older pilot.

I thought about putting down the pilot for good several times because it was taking me so long to figure it out. It was strange to me that work got in the way and that I couldn't just do both at the same time. I considered myself lazy. Because I knew other writers who were doing five things at once. Or at least that's what they were telling me - to make me feel bad? Do these super human mythical writing creatures actually exist?

People often accuse me of being one of these creatures because I've said in blogs and on Facebook that one year I wrote 1000 pages, then the next year I wrote 2000 and last year I wrote 1500. Even earlier last week I said that I wrote 747 pages so far this year. That's enough reason to make people hate you. It feels like you're bragging. And when I hear about people being prolific, I instantly feel competitive. I like to front that I'm super Zen about it all. But I'm hardly Zen. I'm not very chill about any of it.

But, like any writer, I only focus on the work I'm not getting done. I'm only aware of the countless You Tube videos, Netflix binge marathons, articles I'm reading, and conversations I'm having over drinks. I'm focused on all of the non-writing I'm doing. The plays I'm going to see and the meals I go out for. The dicks I'm sucking. The time I'm spending on Grindr. The meetings I'm attending. The workouts I'm having. The workshops I'm directing. I'm aware of all of this other stuff I'm doing that's not officially writing that I feel like I'm nothing but lazy.

Where does that self-sabotage come from?

That's why I have to do these periodic page counts because I have to remind myself that I'm not a total loser. And sometimes I have to remind myself on a daily basis. Like right when I wake up in the morning. I think about the money I'm not making. And the time I'm not spending. And the work I'm not doing.

Maybe it's time to start meditating again.

So while my manager was reading the script, I decided to go back to what I had intended on doing that week. I was going to research my new script by binge watching some TV. I watched Dear White People and GLOW. Both were good. That was my Tuesday and Wednesday. I also took a lot of notes for this new script idea. Then on Thursday, I saw a play that I hated. But I got to hang with a great friend of mine.

On Friday, I got an email from my manager. "I really liked the script. I have some typos. When can you get on the phone?" I told him that I was heading to the beach in an hour. He called me. I got notes - I knew he wasn't just going to give me typos. And actually the first "typo" was actually a word correction. But he felt like this was my new lead sample - which I needed him to say. And he wants me to get it to him soon so we can send it out for an opportunity I brought him for a show that might be staffing.

I've learned to not give a shit what other people think of the work. That doesn't mean that I'm resistant to criticism. But I'm not seeking validation - or I'm trying not to. As I said, I'm not very Zen. I'm pushing through so I can keep going. Otherwise, it's too hard to please everybody. And that keeps me from getting work done - worrying that every single person who reads my script has to like it. I know what I'm going for.

With this new script, I'm trying to get it done before the end of the summer - before I have to go back to school to teach. I'm also trying to plan three classes and do rewrites of a play of mine that's going into production next year. There's also the possibility that I might be directing a play as well. But I made a commitment that for the rest of the year, I'm not working on new theatre stuff. I have a play that I will have to pick up again in 2018. It's a play that won't take long to write. It was an immediate response to a friend's suicide. But I also feel like I've been living in that space on a couple of creative projects and personal events for the past year. It's time to put that aside for some other projects I want to be working on. I don't want it to be more than two years since I worked on a new play. But I'm taking a year off because I want to focus on my television career. I have to make the next leap and in order to do that, I have a lot of advice to take from friends who are invested in my career.

I am going to finish this new script by the end of August. And then I want to spend the Fall revamping an old pilot I wrote as well as writing something new. That would bring me to four fresh samples for the year. Is that important? Is FOUR a magic number? No. If I just got the new pilot done, that would be enough. I will be teaching. I'm plenty busy. I have done a lot this year already - I've been staffed on a full season of a show. I have a ton to be grateful for. But I also want to push things to the next level for myself. I don't want to be waiting around for the next thing.

So this coming week, I've got a lot going on. On Monday, I have a company meeting for my theatre company and I'm going to see my best friend who's about to give birth at any moment. On Tuesday, I need to take my car in before my SF trip. I have a lunch with a colleague. And I've got coffee with a writer friend. Then I've got a reading of my play so I can do rewrites for our upcoming production. Then I'm having a production meeting with my director. On Wednesday, nothing. That will be a full writing day. On Thursday, I've got a meeting at GLAAD with my writer's group. And on Friday, I leave to go on vacation. So that means that I need to get the script into my manager by Thursday.

That's the professional life, I guess. I'm doing a lot. I'm projecting professionalism. I'm getting shit done.

My intention is productivity.
My intention is to work.
My intention is expansion of the empire.
My intention is to share and give.

I am grateful for my writing community.
I am grateful for my Latino writers community.
I am grateful for my theatre community.
I am grateful for my family - both biological and chosen.
I am grateful for new experiences.