Reinvention

As a child I was obsessed with Madonna.

But I didn't really get into her fully until the Like a Prayer album. Of course, I watched her music videos and I had the single to "Dress You Up" as a kid. I remember listening to "Papa Don't Preach" and I was interested because she was all over MTV at the time. But it wasn't until Like a Prayer that I paid attention. Maybe it was the controversy around the video. But there was something in that title track that captivated me. I knew that she had matured musically.

Madonna's known as the queen of reinvention. She changed her look and sound from Like a Virgin to True Blue to Like a Prayer. But when I heard the song "Express Yourself" and saw the video, I was a fan for life. The video was influenced by Fritz Lang's Metropolis and that just seemed so smart and sophisticated to me. I listened to the whole album beginning to end. Each song had something interesting to say. It wasn't a dance album per se, but it had a message. And at the same time it was pop music in its highest form. I think it's still my favorite Madonna record. I love Ray of Light because again she was reinventing her sound and she was trying to make electronica personal, which was so ahead of its time. That was probably the last time she was artistic in a forward thinking way, but who said she needed to be innovative and revolutionary forever? She's just innovative and revolutionary by sticking around.

I like the idea of reinvention. I reinvent my look every couple of years. I haven't had much time or energy to put into my look lately, so I have been getting my hair cut the same way for about a year or so. I had a man bun for a year. Then I started cutting my hair off gradually. I don't like to focus on other things when I'm working. So I just let my look be what it's going to be. I purge my wardrobe every so often because I just want to shed my skin. I want to bring new energy into my being.

I finished a pilot I had been working on for awhile. I had gotten bored of it several times. There were times where I was considering whether or not I should finish it at all. I had written something that I feel changed the way I wrote. And I was curious to see how that influenced my future work. And this pilot had been hanging around before then. Well, in a way. I started writing this pilot at the same time I had started writing the play. But when I finished the play and after we workshopped it, I felt like a changed person - a changed writer. The desire to throw the baby out with the bathwater was to completely surrender to this reinvention. But I couldn't let the script go. I knew there was something interesting in what I was trying to say in this script. And I knew that somehow, it would relate to where I am as a writer now.

I started working on the script awhile ago. Then I had to put it down because I started working. Then I was asked by my manager to rewrite a different script. Then I was teaching. Then I got hired to work on the show again. So I picked it up and put it back down several times. And by the time I was ready to work on it again, I felt differently about the story, myself and my abilities. So I would write an outline and finish it. Then the outline would sit around for a bit while I worked on other things. Then I would look at the outline and hate what I was reading, so I re-broke the story and rewrote the outline again. Then I had to put it down again - and I would start all over. As frustrated as I was with this process, I think the advantage I had was that all of this "new writer" juju was getting in there. I was perfecting. And I was getting new ideas into the script. I was making it deeper and deeper. I had become a better writer and that evidence was showing up in the script.

Finally, I had some time on my hands. I wanted to get the script done. But then I had to write another spec script for two fellowships. So I got that done. And then I realized I needed to go back to the script. So over the month of June, I worked on this script. I rewrote the outline. And then I rewrote the script. In the middle of things, I workshopped a new play as a director. All of this new energy and authority was making its way into the script. Then I took time over the past two weeks and really worked on the script. I took my time in making the outline tight. Then I rewrote it. Then I started working on the script and rewrote it three times in a few days. I was on a roll. I got notes from Cory and I kept working. I finally turned it in to my manager, along with the spec script, yesterday.

I now appear differently as a writer than I did two years ago. Even five years ago. Complete difference. I have two full length plays and three pilots that my guy can send out. I also have a spec script. That should be plenty.

I'm taking a year off from submitting my plays. I'm not writing a new play this year. I have something I'd like to work on. But I've been writing new plays for the past three years in a row. I need to focus on my TV scripts.

I'm choosing a lane and I'm sticking to it. I'm reinventing myself with this new material. I'm doing everything I can do to put myself in a position for staffing. I'm going to work on this script and another pilot script during the rest of the summer. And while I'm teaching, I'm going to rewrite. I'm putting all of my energy toward getting staffed. I'm going to keep churning out TV scripts until that happens again. I know I've got strong samples. But I need to keep reinventing myself and doing more work.

I'm still attending the WGA events. I'm learning as much as I can from everyone. I've got my Gay Latino writers group I'm a part of. I'm putting myself in a position to get my shit out there. I'm sending stuff to executives and following up with them. I'm doing everything I possibly can to make sure I'm in a good position to get hired. And I reinvent myself with every script I write and every new person I meet.

My intention is reinvention.
My intention is forward motion.
My intention is keeping busy.

I am grateful for my committees, my groups and my friends.
I am grateful for all of the good things.
I am grateful for my Netflix queue.