When I was in high school, my second year theology course was based on this question. My professor wrote that question on the board and said, "This is the question we'll be answering this semester." I remember that moment so clearly because I know up to that point no one asked me to even consider that question. I was also in the midst of a sexual identity crisis and kind of blown away that a Jesuit was asking me this question in the middle of my religious studies in high school. I had gone from studying the scriptures in my first year to this! It felt like I was being awakened and introduced to the person I would become.
It is a life-defining question and one I'm still trying to answer. How that relates to me as a spiritual being is a whole other topic. But how it relates to me as a writer, as a creative person and as a brand is a whole other thing.
Say what you will about the branding of America. Or more specifically the branding of the self. But this is what we're asking of people nowadays. Agents and managers and producers and executives want to be able to sell possible vendors on the idea of you. So they need to know what niche you fit into. All of this can sound like blasphemy and antithetical to the creative process. I take it on as another kind of creative process.
Don't get me wrong, I do find it offensive. The idea that I'm a product and that I need to be sold. But I'm also someone who wants to be hired for a job and I need to give someone a reason to hire me, besides quality. Quality seems secondary to alerting the consumer to what they're getting.
First, I need to put my sign up:
- Low Cost Air Conditioning
- Tasty Donuts
- Thai Massage
That alerts the customer to what they're getting. "Oh, great! Because I'm in the mood for a tasty donut. Maybe an apple fritter or a bear claw!" They know which store to walk into. The right store gives them an idea of what they'll be getting, even if I don't deliver on that promise. But they need to be promised the promise and they're only promised the promise through what their own preconceptions already are.
It's connecting the story in their head (their own perception) to the story of who I am. That doesn't mean lying. It does mean having an awareness of people's perceptions.
I was having this exact conversation with my friend Tim yesterday. We got together for what we like to call "Study Hall." We get together--this time at his writer's office--and we work on something. We started out talking about what we were there to work on. He was collating notes on a project. I wanted to start writing the new storylines for my chef pilot. We worked for a while and then we took a break and went for a walk. Then we came back and talked a little shop. Tim's looking for an agent to rep some projects he's got going on. I told him he should focus maybe on getting a lawyer to protect himself in some negotiations, but that a rep might not come on board until he's really got something going on.
I had a question for him: "What's the story that you want this material to tell? What do you want it to say about you?" He said he was interested in writing about American History. I wanted him to get more specific. We talked about Danny Strong and the kind of work he did. Danny's got a very specific niche when it comes to American History. I felt like Tim needed to get more specific. I figured he was just using me as a sounding board, so I didn't feel weird about offering my opinion. He could take it or leave it, that's the way I feel about any advice I give or receive. I'm offering it out of generosity, but not out of any sense that someone has to take it. I just offer it and if it's helpful, then it's helpful. And if not, that's okay. Maybe it'll lead to something helpful. He got a little locked into trying to figure out what the marketplace wants, which isn't necessarily where I come from.
He asked me how I approach my career, since I'm also looking into finding new representation. I try to come from a place of looking at material and then seeing if there's a story that presents itself. I can't deny that I'm from two different minority groups, in addition to being gay. That tells a story. It gives people an expectation of what they're getting: Tasty Donuts. But it doesn't say everything about me. Donuts are flaky, warm, sweet, an economical snack...they are so much more than just tasty. But tasty is what gets you to come inside the store. Again, I personally am not trying to sell someone something that I'm not. I think this is a perfect setting to do that, to create a picture that seems like what people want but doesn't represent you. But that's not my style. I want to acknowledge the preconceptions and acknowledge how I meet those expectations, but how there are more adjectives in the dictionary to describe me. Hopefully the deeper you go, the more you know, the more adjectives you find. I would like to think so.
Like I said, I look at what I've written. The subconscious connects the dots in a way that we're not even aware of. But by looking at the material side by side, I can start finding connective tissue. And then the story presents itself. It's also a form of self-discovery. Julian Fellowes has written much more than just Gosford Park and Downton Abbey, but he's also a brand. And it's up to him to expand the brand and sometimes to even deliberately go off-brand. But he knows where his bread and butter are and--more importantly--he still has things to say. That's why it's important to really consider the question:
Who Am I?
No. Really...
Who Am I?
And work from there. Because that's the most important question. The question is not Who Do You Want Me to Be? Where's the enlightenment and discovery in that?
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