It's like hearing nothing from a guy you went out with two days ago.
Oh, he's not interested. He's moved on. I shouldn't have ordered that dish at dinner. I should have let him fuck me. What did I do wrong?
Susan and I were on the phone the other night. We were catching up since she's been out of town supporting her husband on a show he's directing. And she was mid-freak out about not hearing something from a showrunner who's mentoring her, who's already gone out with two other projects. And then she talked about finally getting some help on getting an agent, after feeling like nothing's happening.
We had a Cher moment on the phone:
Snap out of it!
I reminded her that the showrunner is one of the busiest, most successful guys in town. And that she's in the game. This is not six months ago or two years ago. She has made her entrance into the game and she's in the midst of it.
But silence feels deadly. It feels like nothing's going on. It feels unproductive and like you're forgotten. But that's what happens when you have to tend to another part of your life: your family.
I reminded her that she needs to focus on what's in front of her and that all of the other noise has nothing to do with her.
I love my friend. And I'm happy to be able to help her off the ledge. But where is that person for me? That's not to say that she's not supportive. As evidenced by many things on this blog, she's been completely there for me. But sometimes silence feels deadly. The silence of not having people respond to your work the way you want them to. I go through that struggle constantly, but maybe because I have such a self-assured attitude when it comes to giving advice certain people don't think I need a pep talk because I'm so good at pep talks that they assume I'm doing that for myself.
I'm not always. Because it's easier to see what needs to be fixed from afar, with some distance and objectivity. I don't have that when it comes to me.
But maybe that's the lesson. A few months ago, Susan did a tarot card reading for me where the cards said that I've got success around me, but it's not coming in the front door because I don't know it's there. I don't know how close I am to achieving my goals, so I don't answer the door. So if you feel like the guest of honor--success--hasn't arrived yet, you're not going to go answer the door. If you feel like he's far away, you're not even listening for the knock. But that's perception.
And that's a lesson for the two of us. Change your way of thinking.
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