My boyfriend thinks it's silly. That's fine. I love the tarot card readings. I mediate while I'm running and I've been on a purge for the past three years of old ideas and ways of limited thinking. I'm thinking of calling it "The Getting Rid of Things You Didn't Realize were Negative Thoughts" cleanse. It's a whole body, whole spirit, whole mind cleanse. It's a journey to be whole, actually.
So in tribute to the episodes of Super Soul Sunday I'm rewatching and pausing intermittently while I type these blog posts, I am calling this series of posts "Super Soul Friday."
One of the things one does during a cleanse is they get rid of certain foods that are harmful. If you're trying to connect to a deeper place, you start looking at the cleanse as a metaphor. Where are other areas in my life where I have things I don't need or that are no longer useful? Who or what is making me sluggish? Why do I seek comfort in food? What is it that I am running away from? What are the bad behaviors I go back to when I need to feel comforted?
I have done various types of cleanses over the past three years. One is a 21 day cleanse where you eat the whole time, but you cut a bunch of things out. I left that cleanse almost three years ago cutting out caffeine from my diet. I really have cut back coffee and caffeine from sodas. I will have some mild green tea once in a while. But I mainly do the caffeine free everything. I'll have some chocolate...all right!
I just did a juice cleanse for three days, which was great. I had amber pee after the first day after drinking a homemade greens juice. I peed amber once. Then the rest of the time it was clear. It was important to see the toxins go out.
I did massages for a year and a half every month. That was cleansing. I wanted to treat my body and take some time for myself while I was taking care of my Dad.
I go to Korean spas to steam and quiet the world.
I turn off my radio wheneverI'm driving from LA to San Jose.
I'm finding myself much more comfortable in stillness.
But lately, I have really been trying to be focused on consciously eating. The big lesson from the first cleanse was how thoughtless my eating was. I would just put things in my mouth out of boredom. And when my Dad was dying, my Mom and I would order in food every night. I was rewarding myself and stuffing my grief with food. Even after raising my awareness through cleanses. I gained weight. I couldn't get myself down. I used to hover around 160-165. At my heaviest (about four months ago) I was 190. I'm 5'10". That's a lot of weight for me. Right now I'm just at 175.
I'm not drinking juices.
No pasta.
Less booze.
No processed foods.
Those four things, plus some more cardio have made a big difference. Of course, I never say I'm never doing any of that stuff. The caffeine I'm pretty good about. But I don't want to deprive myself. I love food. I love the taste of it...real food.
That was a long preamble to me discussing my grocery list, but I thought it was important to set the context.
I went grocery shopping tonight.
On a Friday.
Whooping it up!
I bought some things and I wanted to talk about why I bought them.
Does that seem crazy?
I've done crazier. I don't just not do things because I think someone will think I'm nuts.
Here we go:
- Kale - last week it was spinach. This week it's kale. I'll probably saute it in some olive oil with some garlic, dried cranberries and slivered almonds. Maybe I'll make a salad. I'm trying to get those hard core greens into my diet.
- Hearts of Romaine - yeah, I love lettuce. I put it on everything. Lettuce wraps, salads, tostadas. I love the crunch.
- Sprouted Wheat Tortillas - I love these. I'm eating a burrito right now. I use them to make flatbread pizzas. They are amazing.
- Butternut squash (cut up) - Roasted. Served with lentils. Or with the kale dish. I love it.
- Green onions - flavor. I make fried rice at least once a week. And to go on everything.
- Silvered almonds - ran out. Need for a quinoa dish I make. In my oatmeal.
- Red quinoa - love it. I make a salad with cranberries, almonds, green onion, parsley, pomegranate vinegar and olive oil. Lasts for a few days for a quick lunch.
- Green lentils - I made lentil soup the other night. I want to make more lentil dishes. I love lentils.
- Vegetable stock (low sodium) - a staple. Can be used to flavor a bunch of different things.
- Veggie Burgers - I don't buy a lot of processed things and I can actually make my own veggie burgers, but they're good in a pinch.
- Asiago Cheese - for the flatbread pizzas I'm going to make this week.
- Black beans - a staple. To toss in a quinoa salad. To add to a burrito. To make tostadas.
- Corn salsa - for a little sweetness. A bit of a splurge. But I used a bit in the chile verde burrito I just made. Delish!
- Dark Chocolate Bar with carmel and sea salt - Total indulgence! You have to have one or two. I will eat the whole thing myself tonight while I'm watching more Super Soul Sunday. I'm not sharing. It makes me happy.
Why the hell am I sharing the contents of my shopping bag? I don't know. Just to keep myself accountable in a way. But also, I'm trying to be aware of everything I'm putting into my body and why. I love food and I love flavor. That cannot be sacrificed. But I want to only take in things that are good for me. Listen, there's bacon in my fridge that I'm going to use on a pizza. Or in a BLT. But I did have a meat heavy week, so I'm trying to give myself a break.
tI want to be excited about the things I'm eating. So detailing them gets me excited about what I'm going to make. I have extra weight I don't need. It's not purely an aesthetic issue. I feel better when my body is functioning better. I have friends who laugh at me (because they might be hiding their concern) when I said I had 25 pounds to lose (from 185). But that's fair. And now I have 15 pounds to lose. It's not because I want to be thin. It's because it's extra weight I don't need.
I have a friend or two these days who are extra weight. I'm cutting back.
I have thoughts that I binge on every so often, but then I put them away. And certain behaviors.
But it's all a negotiation. If you eat something crappy for lunch, eat really healthy for dinner. That's Bethenny Frankel's ideas, not mine. See? You can't be snobby about where you get your info.
I'm going to splurge for Thanksgiving. I'm taking my Mom to my favorite place to get pasta when we go visit my brother in Portland. I'm not limiting myself on that. But I'm not wasting calories when I don't need to.
Maybe I should make a grocery list of friends and see who's absolutely necessary.
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