So I sat down with the task of writing 300 words of less of advice. I did several drafts. Then I stopped. What I wanted to write was different than what she wanted me to write. She really wanted a short summary. I wanted to write a novel and I wanted to give some context to my advice. Then I realized I was tripping up on the word "tips." After sleeping on it, I wrote something completely different that was really about what to do if you don't like talking about yourself. That will be on her site at some point soon, after I look it over and send it to her. But I thought I would include what I originally wrote here, complete with some stories to illustrate my five points.
Through writing this, I realized that I'm not the same person I was all of those years ago. I'm glad she remembers me so fondly, but I was a little relentless. What I wrote below is a lot more warm and fuzzy than I would have written ten years ago. And what I'm giving Jenn will be softer as well, but we live in a world where we need "tips." I get it. Shortcuts. Maybe this will seem long-winded and you'll be begging for my tips. Just the tips.
When people talk about breaking into the TV writing
business, they often say that there’s no one way to break in. And that’s true. They also say that it’s all about the work
and if you’re talented, the powers that be will find you. “Cream rises to the top.” That’s true as well.
But you’re interested in any sort of dramatic writing, you
write so that your words can be heard and your stories can be seen. It’s a public art form. And at a certain point, you have to get off
your behind and toot your own horn. If
this isn’t your natural inclination, I have two things to say:
First, the writing gene and the self-promoting gene are not
related. As all writers know, we’ve observers. We like to hide behind our words and comment
on the things around us. We don’t like
to be directly involved in the action.
So don’t beat yourself up because talking about yourself doesn’t come
naturally. The important thing is that
you come across as a) knowledgeable and b) completely yourself.
Secondly, you need to get over it. Networking is necessary. You need to people to get to know who you are
as a person and then as a writer. You
don’t need to be the person in the room demanding everyone’s attention--unless
that’s honestly who you are.
Authenticity is important in your daily life, in your writing and it’s
important when you’re presenting yourself to people. Your primary goal should be to meet new
people and have a nice conversation.
Then the business can be a happy byproduct of an honest connection.
Listen, when I was in my twenties and early thirties I was
definitely the kind of person who would make my agenda crystal clear. And I think sometimes I came off as
overbearing. I masked that by being
funny and entertaining, but I think that could have come across as trying too
hard. You should have an agenda and these conversations are business conversations. You can’t run away from those facts. But coming off as a used car salesman doesn’t
prove how ambitious you are. It just
proves that you’re good at the hard sell.
And usually, the hard sell means that you’re overcompensating for some
sort of flaw or insecurity. At least, it
can come across that way.
With that being said, here are my Five Top Networking Tips
for Writers.
1)
Find your
Network. Networking tips are great
coming from some know-it-all writer, but what first you have to acknowledge
that you even have a network to begin with.
You may be thinking, “Who do I know?”
Either you’re outside of New York or LA or you’re just out of school or
you’re not even doing anything that’s related to the entertainment
industry. So start with that question: “Who
Do I Know?” And make a list. If you’re a student, start with your
professors. Did you cultivate
relationships while you were in school?
Did you go in during office hours to chat with your professors about
your classwork or anything under the sun?
Does anyone know you beyond just being a hard-working student? And if you weren’t a hard-worker then you
should just stop reading now. Because no
one’s going to root for you or put in a good word for you if they think you’re
lazy or have a bad attitude. I’m
assuming if you’re looking for advice, you’re already amazing and talented and
special.
When you’re just starting out—young or older and switching gears—it’s hard to realize that you have people you can reach out to. But this is the first task of networking. Find Your Network. Who can help you? And it can be your brother or your cousin’s barber’s niece’s gardener’s fiance’s father-in-law. It is better if the connection is as close in proximity as possible. But a connection is a connection. And that’s how you start building your network. Also, this is the perfect set up to use tips 2-5.
When you’re just starting out—young or older and switching gears—it’s hard to realize that you have people you can reach out to. But this is the first task of networking. Find Your Network. Who can help you? And it can be your brother or your cousin’s barber’s niece’s gardener’s fiance’s father-in-law. It is better if the connection is as close in proximity as possible. But a connection is a connection. And that’s how you start building your network. Also, this is the perfect set up to use tips 2-5.
2)
Don’t Be
Shy. Okay, so you have your list and
you’re ready to reach out to people. OR
you’re at a party and you’re thinking about how it’s going to come off if you
just walk up to someone cold and introduce yourself. But you’re thinking that you don’t want to
appear too desperate. Or you think that
you’re not very interesting. Or you
don’t know what to say. Or you don’t
even have the courage to walk up to someone and say hello or to send an email
to your cousin’s barber’s niece’s gardener’s fiance’s father-in-law.
You can’t be shy about these things. I know it’s hard. But think about what you want: an agent, a writing job, an interview…an opportunity. You’ll never get there alone. And you need someone to feel like they should help you out. You need to give them a reason to. And you can’t give them a reason if they don’t even get the chance to discover what a sweet/ funny/ interesting/ charming/ goofy person you are. You want to endear yourself to them.
Along with Don’t Be Shy goes Don’t Be Intimidated. Because that’s why we’re often hesitant, right? Listen, if this person chooses to be a jerk to you, then that’s about them and not about you. I remember I was with a friend at the Palm Springs International Film Festival back when I was in graduate school. And I was standing at a buffet next to M. Night Shamalyan. So I went up to him and said that I was a fan of his (even though I hadn’t seen The Sixth Sense…btw, this isn’t a story encouraging you to lie). I knew that he had gone to NYU, so I mentioned that I was in graduate school. And he gave me some advice: It’s going to be a lot of hard work, so just be prepared. Okay, maybe not the most profound advice. But here was a guy who had become successful and had a vision for himself. He worked hard and it paid off. He was an accomplished filmmaker and I was just a young graduate student. I thought he might have some advice for me, so I walked up to him. I knew the NYU thing was a good in. It meant that I was smart and talented and not just a loon. But I could have just as easily just let him walk away. And that advice has served me. It also gave me the encouragement to walk up to more people that I might be shy about approaching.
You can’t be shy about these things. I know it’s hard. But think about what you want: an agent, a writing job, an interview…an opportunity. You’ll never get there alone. And you need someone to feel like they should help you out. You need to give them a reason to. And you can’t give them a reason if they don’t even get the chance to discover what a sweet/ funny/ interesting/ charming/ goofy person you are. You want to endear yourself to them.
Along with Don’t Be Shy goes Don’t Be Intimidated. Because that’s why we’re often hesitant, right? Listen, if this person chooses to be a jerk to you, then that’s about them and not about you. I remember I was with a friend at the Palm Springs International Film Festival back when I was in graduate school. And I was standing at a buffet next to M. Night Shamalyan. So I went up to him and said that I was a fan of his (even though I hadn’t seen The Sixth Sense…btw, this isn’t a story encouraging you to lie). I knew that he had gone to NYU, so I mentioned that I was in graduate school. And he gave me some advice: It’s going to be a lot of hard work, so just be prepared. Okay, maybe not the most profound advice. But here was a guy who had become successful and had a vision for himself. He worked hard and it paid off. He was an accomplished filmmaker and I was just a young graduate student. I thought he might have some advice for me, so I walked up to him. I knew the NYU thing was a good in. It meant that I was smart and talented and not just a loon. But I could have just as easily just let him walk away. And that advice has served me. It also gave me the encouragement to walk up to more people that I might be shy about approaching.
3)
Don’t Be
Sad (or Uncertain…or a Know-It-All).
So once you have the courage to send that email or walk up to that
famous film director, remember one thing: Don’t Do Anything that Cuts Off the
Conversation Too Soon. I know that as
writers we can be hard on ourselves. We
keep writing that script 17 times (and counting) because it’s just not perfect
yet. We don’t start that script yet
because we’ve still got research to do, even though we’ve been researching for the
past six months and have checked out every book in the library and read every
article on the subject online. Or we
finally hand that special contact the script we said we’d send over. And we say something we think it humble: “It’s not very good.” WTF? So you’ve worked hard to write a list of
the people you know with connections to the industry, you’ve summoned up the
courage to get an email or a meeting or you’ve decided to walk up cold and
introduce yourself and you have the chutzpah to open your mouth only to shoot
yourself in the foot?
It’s not humble to tell everyone what a schmuck you think you are. It’s not a good idea to lower expectations. I know I said earlier that you shouldn’t work the hard sell, but there is a happy medium somewhere. Whether you’re meeting someone at your best friend’s wedding, at a bar, at the gym or in a meeting, remember this: No One Wants to Talk to the Sad Guy. Don’t be sad. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t sell yourself short. You worked your ass off on that script you wrote. You want people to get excited about you.
And you want to be sure of yourself. Here’s another story about the time Vince Vaughn…okay, these are not all celebrity stories. There’s a reason I’m telling these stories and it’s not just to brag about meeting celebrities. But it illustrates that I have put myself in the position of being in the right place at the right time. My best friend was doing a movie with Vince Vaughn before Swingers hit. I was just fresh out of college. So this was before Vince Vaughn was a celebrity. He asked me what I did. “I’m a writer,” I said. “But not a writer like you’re an actor. You’re on set. You’re acting. You’re making it happen.” He looked at me: “Do you write?” I nodded. “Then you’re a writer.” And from that point on, I stopped putting myself down in front of people who could be helpful. Thankfully, Vince just saw my sad sack attitude as me being young. But that’s the sort of thing that can make people walk away. If you’re uncertain about you, I have no reason to be certain about you.
And on the flip of that, don’t be a know it all. Because if you’ve got it all together, you don’t need my help. You have to invite people in to want to help you. Here’s an example of something I figured out recently. I think I’m a confident, intelligent and interesting person. I think I follow all of these tips and I think that it has worked out for me. But I started realizing that I was pursuing people a lot more than they were pursuing me. The point of networking is to pursue people. I know that. But it felt like other people around me were getting producers, writers and other industry folks to help them out. I had a little bit of a “Why Not Me” moment about it. Then I had a realization.
I come in guns blazing, ready to impress. I talk about my accomplishments. I listen. I engage. I seem like I have it all together. And that’s the problem. I’m not saying that you should be a mess so that people take pity on you. But if the other person sees an opportunity where they can be of use to someone who is confident, intelligent and interesting, but still could use some assistance, they’re going to reach out. If there isn’t an opening for them to do so, they’re not. People want to be a part of your success. They want to feel like they’re doing something useful. Or they want to know that maybe you’re someone who can help them out in the future, so they’ll put in a little investment so they can ask for a favor down the line.
It’s not humble to tell everyone what a schmuck you think you are. It’s not a good idea to lower expectations. I know I said earlier that you shouldn’t work the hard sell, but there is a happy medium somewhere. Whether you’re meeting someone at your best friend’s wedding, at a bar, at the gym or in a meeting, remember this: No One Wants to Talk to the Sad Guy. Don’t be sad. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t sell yourself short. You worked your ass off on that script you wrote. You want people to get excited about you.
And you want to be sure of yourself. Here’s another story about the time Vince Vaughn…okay, these are not all celebrity stories. There’s a reason I’m telling these stories and it’s not just to brag about meeting celebrities. But it illustrates that I have put myself in the position of being in the right place at the right time. My best friend was doing a movie with Vince Vaughn before Swingers hit. I was just fresh out of college. So this was before Vince Vaughn was a celebrity. He asked me what I did. “I’m a writer,” I said. “But not a writer like you’re an actor. You’re on set. You’re acting. You’re making it happen.” He looked at me: “Do you write?” I nodded. “Then you’re a writer.” And from that point on, I stopped putting myself down in front of people who could be helpful. Thankfully, Vince just saw my sad sack attitude as me being young. But that’s the sort of thing that can make people walk away. If you’re uncertain about you, I have no reason to be certain about you.
And on the flip of that, don’t be a know it all. Because if you’ve got it all together, you don’t need my help. You have to invite people in to want to help you. Here’s an example of something I figured out recently. I think I’m a confident, intelligent and interesting person. I think I follow all of these tips and I think that it has worked out for me. But I started realizing that I was pursuing people a lot more than they were pursuing me. The point of networking is to pursue people. I know that. But it felt like other people around me were getting producers, writers and other industry folks to help them out. I had a little bit of a “Why Not Me” moment about it. Then I had a realization.
I come in guns blazing, ready to impress. I talk about my accomplishments. I listen. I engage. I seem like I have it all together. And that’s the problem. I’m not saying that you should be a mess so that people take pity on you. But if the other person sees an opportunity where they can be of use to someone who is confident, intelligent and interesting, but still could use some assistance, they’re going to reach out. If there isn’t an opening for them to do so, they’re not. People want to be a part of your success. They want to feel like they’re doing something useful. Or they want to know that maybe you’re someone who can help them out in the future, so they’ll put in a little investment so they can ask for a favor down the line.
4)
Don’t
Waste Anyone’s Time. This is a
lesson I learned when I was working for a well-known TV literary manager. I would have people who would call me all of
the time, wanting advice or wanting information about where to send a query
letter. If it was clear that the caller
hadn’t taken the time to research who we were or what kind of material we would
respond to, I got them off the phone in 45 seconds or less. But if that person had informed questions, I
could be on the phone for 20 minutes. If
you’re asking inane questions, 45 seconds or less is a huge waste of my
time. If you’re respectful of my time,
20 minutes is no problem.
You have to be aware of who you are speaking to and you have to have some sort of goal. You can’t just talk someone’s ear off for the sake of talking their ear off. I remember recently I was at a networking event for students of mine in LA. Being an alumnus of the same university, one of my students suggested I show up, even though most of the alums at the party were much younger than me. I was introduced to a producer who was being bombarded by students and alums who just wanted to talk to him, but had no focus to their conversations. I had no intention of really networking, since I was there to answer some questions, and I knew the event was really geared towards recent grads. But we started talking and sharing our experiences. He mentioned that he was looking for a new project, so we exchanged information. But in the meantime, we talked about my teaching experiences because he was interested in teaching as well. We had a valuable, worthwhile conversation that was about our love of TV, our passion for share our experiences and that led to what I was working on, which fortunately sounded interesting to him.
The important thing to remember is that you need to have an appropriate answer to certain basic questions, including some of the following:
What are you watching?
What films/TV shows do you like?
What’s your story?
What inspires you?
I often talk to writers who say, “I don’t like talking about myself.” It’s this false humility thing. “The work speaks for itself.” But it doesn’t. It needs a context. We need to know how the story of your play/movie/TV pilot connects to you. We need to know why you’re the only person who could write this story. Talking about yourself is just a way of connecting to your material. If you want to communicate through your work, you need to learn to communicate about your work.
The other thing that people do to waste their time and to waste the time of the person they’re speaking to is related to Tip #3. It’s putting yourself down. If someone is looking to hire you or to put you in contact with someone who could hire you, you should never admit to anything that makes you appear to be less than the Hardest Working Person in Showbiz.
I worked for two producers who would always come back from their staffing meetings (where they interviewed writers to hire them on their staff) and would tell me what never to do. And although, I would never think I would be guilty of any of the sins they had heard, I listened with great attention. But the biggest faux pas people committed (on all levels, not just Staff Writer candidates) was that they admitted to not working hard. They admitted to not finishing drafts very fast. They admitted to not always having a ton of ideas. They admitted to not liking outlines. What my bosses got from that was that they were going to be a huge pain in the ass because they didn’t work fast and hard. Given the pace of television, there’s just no time for that.
You can’t tell someone that you have a hard time writing. Or that you only write a script every year or two. I know that you think that tells people how serious you are about your writing and that you don’t want to rush something good. But all they want to know is that you’re brilliant and fast. You have to be both. You have to be prolific and a genius. You need to “hit it out of the park.” Another favorite term of agents and managers. Yes, it’s an impossible ideal, but you have to perpetuate that idea that you are Superman or Wonder Woman. They don’t want to hear your problems. It doesn’t make you more serious in their eyes. It just means that you’re too precious or too lazy. And it’s a waste of time.
You have to be aware of who you are speaking to and you have to have some sort of goal. You can’t just talk someone’s ear off for the sake of talking their ear off. I remember recently I was at a networking event for students of mine in LA. Being an alumnus of the same university, one of my students suggested I show up, even though most of the alums at the party were much younger than me. I was introduced to a producer who was being bombarded by students and alums who just wanted to talk to him, but had no focus to their conversations. I had no intention of really networking, since I was there to answer some questions, and I knew the event was really geared towards recent grads. But we started talking and sharing our experiences. He mentioned that he was looking for a new project, so we exchanged information. But in the meantime, we talked about my teaching experiences because he was interested in teaching as well. We had a valuable, worthwhile conversation that was about our love of TV, our passion for share our experiences and that led to what I was working on, which fortunately sounded interesting to him.
The important thing to remember is that you need to have an appropriate answer to certain basic questions, including some of the following:
What are you watching?
What films/TV shows do you like?
What’s your story?
What inspires you?
I often talk to writers who say, “I don’t like talking about myself.” It’s this false humility thing. “The work speaks for itself.” But it doesn’t. It needs a context. We need to know how the story of your play/movie/TV pilot connects to you. We need to know why you’re the only person who could write this story. Talking about yourself is just a way of connecting to your material. If you want to communicate through your work, you need to learn to communicate about your work.
The other thing that people do to waste their time and to waste the time of the person they’re speaking to is related to Tip #3. It’s putting yourself down. If someone is looking to hire you or to put you in contact with someone who could hire you, you should never admit to anything that makes you appear to be less than the Hardest Working Person in Showbiz.
I worked for two producers who would always come back from their staffing meetings (where they interviewed writers to hire them on their staff) and would tell me what never to do. And although, I would never think I would be guilty of any of the sins they had heard, I listened with great attention. But the biggest faux pas people committed (on all levels, not just Staff Writer candidates) was that they admitted to not working hard. They admitted to not finishing drafts very fast. They admitted to not always having a ton of ideas. They admitted to not liking outlines. What my bosses got from that was that they were going to be a huge pain in the ass because they didn’t work fast and hard. Given the pace of television, there’s just no time for that.
You can’t tell someone that you have a hard time writing. Or that you only write a script every year or two. I know that you think that tells people how serious you are about your writing and that you don’t want to rush something good. But all they want to know is that you’re brilliant and fast. You have to be both. You have to be prolific and a genius. You need to “hit it out of the park.” Another favorite term of agents and managers. Yes, it’s an impossible ideal, but you have to perpetuate that idea that you are Superman or Wonder Woman. They don’t want to hear your problems. It doesn’t make you more serious in their eyes. It just means that you’re too precious or too lazy. And it’s a waste of time.
5)
Do Follow
Up/Share. Take the card. Give them yours. And follow up. If you say you’re sending a script, do it
ASAP (within a few days of being given the permission to send a script).
If you sent a script, give them 3-4 weeks to read it. They will most likely take 3-4 months, but don’t follow up a week later. Unless they tell you to. But if they’re as important and busy as they say they are, they’ve got a lot to read. Then follow up every 3-4 weeks.
Re: Being Annoying – You can’t worry about it. Use some common sense and judgment. Think about what it would feel like if someone emailed you every week: “Did you read it? Did you read it? Did you read it?” Annoying. But what’s annoying to one person, won’t be annoying to everyone. And I’m talking about them, not you. If you’re annoying, in most cases you have a sense of that. I know that some people have no idea when they’re being annoying, so if that’s the case, you’ll read this sentence and you won’t think it applies to you. Emailing to follow up is always better than calling.
Be sure to share when good things are happening. If you’ve got a show coming up, use that as an excuse to send an email to remind a producer who has had your script for six months to read it. My friend Susan has an email list of contacts and she bcc’s them as a group (very important – don’t give away other people’s emails or privacy) whenever she’s got an event or a play reading or production. She’s the queen of sharing. She Facebooks and uses Twitter to share when good things have happened. It lets people know that she’s working hard.
I Facebook and Tweet about writing. I send links to my blog. I announce when I have a writing day. I tweet about how many pages I’ve written. And that could border on being annoying. That’s why I didn’t do it for so long. I didn’t want people to think I was bragging. I didn’t want people to think I was showing off. But then I realized that all I was saying was that writing is a daily practice. Maybe it’ll help me get a job indirectly one day. Maybe it won’t. At the very least, it keeps me accountable. At the very most, it lets influential people know that I am committed to my craft every day. I have the courage to stare at the blank page every single day. And I write a lot: pilots, plays, blogs, posts. And I’m funny. And self-depricating (but not in a downer way). They get to know my personality. And they’re reminded that I’m out there. I’m fresh in their mind.
That’s how I got my teaching job. My job had just ended. I was taking some time off because my father had just gotten sick. I had time on my hands, but I wanted to be productive. So I reached out to a bunch of different folk. But one of the emails I sent was to a former professor and the head of the Theatre department at my alma mater. I told her that I was available and would be more than happy to offer some workshops to students on either the Business of Writing or a master class in Playwriting. She got back to me within days, calling me to tell me that the Playwriting professor had to take a day off in October and if I was interested, they’d fly me up and put me up in a hotel to sub in for him. That sounded awesome. More than I expected. Then two weeks later, she called me again and told me he needed to take the entire term off unexpectedly and asked if I would be interested in teaching his Intro to Playwriting class. I jumped at the chance. I always wanted to see if I could teach on the University level. And that happened just because I reached out. So don’t be afraid to reach out to your network.
BONUS:
Don’t Network Without a Good Reason. This last bonus tip is about one simple
thing: have material or have a reason to reach out. If you’re a writer, make sure you’ve got a
lot of material that is consistent with the type of writer you are, that tells
the story of who you are, and that is varied enough that it doesn’t seem like
the same story over and over again.
Networking is important. But if
you’re just schmoozing and you don’t have the material to back it up, it’s a
wasted opportunity. That seems like an
obvious tip. Hell, maybe all of these
seem obvious. But we all need to be reminded of stuff that we already know,
things that we think we’re already doing.
I hope this has been helpful to you on some level. I’m just sharing what I’ve learned and what I
have observed. If you sent a script, give them 3-4 weeks to read it. They will most likely take 3-4 months, but don’t follow up a week later. Unless they tell you to. But if they’re as important and busy as they say they are, they’ve got a lot to read. Then follow up every 3-4 weeks.
Re: Being Annoying – You can’t worry about it. Use some common sense and judgment. Think about what it would feel like if someone emailed you every week: “Did you read it? Did you read it? Did you read it?” Annoying. But what’s annoying to one person, won’t be annoying to everyone. And I’m talking about them, not you. If you’re annoying, in most cases you have a sense of that. I know that some people have no idea when they’re being annoying, so if that’s the case, you’ll read this sentence and you won’t think it applies to you. Emailing to follow up is always better than calling.
Be sure to share when good things are happening. If you’ve got a show coming up, use that as an excuse to send an email to remind a producer who has had your script for six months to read it. My friend Susan has an email list of contacts and she bcc’s them as a group (very important – don’t give away other people’s emails or privacy) whenever she’s got an event or a play reading or production. She’s the queen of sharing. She Facebooks and uses Twitter to share when good things have happened. It lets people know that she’s working hard.
I Facebook and Tweet about writing. I send links to my blog. I announce when I have a writing day. I tweet about how many pages I’ve written. And that could border on being annoying. That’s why I didn’t do it for so long. I didn’t want people to think I was bragging. I didn’t want people to think I was showing off. But then I realized that all I was saying was that writing is a daily practice. Maybe it’ll help me get a job indirectly one day. Maybe it won’t. At the very least, it keeps me accountable. At the very most, it lets influential people know that I am committed to my craft every day. I have the courage to stare at the blank page every single day. And I write a lot: pilots, plays, blogs, posts. And I’m funny. And self-depricating (but not in a downer way). They get to know my personality. And they’re reminded that I’m out there. I’m fresh in their mind.
That’s how I got my teaching job. My job had just ended. I was taking some time off because my father had just gotten sick. I had time on my hands, but I wanted to be productive. So I reached out to a bunch of different folk. But one of the emails I sent was to a former professor and the head of the Theatre department at my alma mater. I told her that I was available and would be more than happy to offer some workshops to students on either the Business of Writing or a master class in Playwriting. She got back to me within days, calling me to tell me that the Playwriting professor had to take a day off in October and if I was interested, they’d fly me up and put me up in a hotel to sub in for him. That sounded awesome. More than I expected. Then two weeks later, she called me again and told me he needed to take the entire term off unexpectedly and asked if I would be interested in teaching his Intro to Playwriting class. I jumped at the chance. I always wanted to see if I could teach on the University level. And that happened just because I reached out. So don’t be afraid to reach out to your network.
Like anything, take what you need and leave what
you don’t.
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