I was watching this PBS show called The Mind of a Chef online earlier. Chef Sean Brock talked about the first time he planted a 70 foot row of beets. They failed. He didn't get one beet he planted because he planted them too deep. Once he figured out how to plant them and they grew, that first beet became the most important beet ever. That's how life is, he says. You have to fail at something in order to appreciate it.
I thought that was a great metaphor for a lot of things in life. We look at failure as a stopping point, an indicator that we did the wrong thing. But as many entrepreneurs, scientists, artists and people in general will tell you: failure is essential to moving forward. Once we figure out what not to do, we figure out what we should do. Or once we figure out an error, we appreciate when something works out so much more. You can have success, by happenstance, and things can work out. But it's only when things don't work out that you appreciate how magical, rare and precious it is when things work out.
I had a lot of things right as a child. I was inspired and I wrote prolifically. I didn't know any better. I didn't know to protect and cherish that accomplishment. So I let it go. I let other people tell me what to do with my gift, but in their hands things changed. The result wasn't the same. I am taking back my seeds and planting them myself instead of trusting that someone has the same intentions I do. That's a lesson for life, a lesson that has taken me the entire decade of my thirties to figure out. But now that I've figured it out, I will view each opportunity as the most important beet ever.
I was watching India.Arie on Super Soul Sunday last night before bed and she basically said the same thing. She trusted that her "people" knew how important her gift was because they liked what she did. So she entrusted them with the management of that gift. And they had their own agenda, so it was only when she did something that they liked that they were happy, supportive and encouraging. But when it was about what drove her--and they didn't agree with it--they discouraged her.
Everyone has a vision. We have an idea in our heads of what we want for ourselves. And when we enlist the services (notice I didn't say "assistance" or "help"--these are paid services) of others, they look at what we do and have a vision. Sometimes that vision is attached to what they would do if they had that same idea. Sometimes the vision is attached to how to make the most money so they can afford their next car or house. Sometimes it's so their client can become well known and they can seen as responsible for that success and they can build a reputation to attract other people to them. And other times it's even more altruistic than that: they want you to be your best, but their vision does not always align with yours.
In May, I fired my managers. There was a lot of history there, but essentially they didn't see me the way I saw myself. I'm pretty well-versed in the jargon of the business. I spent a lot of time studying the business through various jobs I've had in it. So I feel I know how to navigate. And I did that to expand the avenues available to me. I thought that if I spoke the language, I would be able to clear enough brush to create a path for myself. But I am one person and the entertainment industry is...well, an industry. I only have control over what I choose to do. It all comes back to that seed.
So now I walk out to the field and I see the crops. Many of them around me are growing strongly, standing tall, looking abundant. I know a lot more now than I did the last time I planted these seeds. So I look out for a good piece of land and I put my seed down. I now know how to tend to my budding plant, how to nurture it, how to give it enough light, how to quench its thirst and under what conditions it can best grow. I know so much more now because I planted my own 70 foot row that didn't result in a crop.
That's such a better perspective than one of being forever barren and accepting that as my lot in life. The next time I look for representation or I let those people come to me, I have a good idea of which plots to reject and which ones to consider because of their potential. But that doesn't mean the seed does in that soil right away. I have to make sure that in the perfect conditions, that seed is being best tended to. It takes some time, but once I figure out how to get the best crop and I adhere to that, then I have nothing to worry about.
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