The Best?

Last night, I had the opportunity to see a short play of mine performed for a holiday party at Moving Arts, a theatre company I've become affiliated with. I remember years ago, maybe about three or four, I wanted to see plays of mine performed and I wanted to work with local theatre companies. I had no connections. Then a friend of mine brought me into a theater company called Rogue Machine here in LA. I got to see a play of mine performed by them for a little festival they had. That was a lot of fun. Then I was asked to be a part of a play development group they were running with a play I had written the summer before. That was wonderful.

I had been writing plays for years, but I was convinced that I had to put my focus into writing for TV. So I was spending a lot of time writing TV scripts as samples. I was learning that craft, but I wasn't getting a lot of plays written. And I certainly wasn't working with any theatre companies locally. I just wanted to see my work done or to develop it beyond typing words into my computer. I was involved with the Playwrights Union and that gave me the opportunity to work on a new play every year. But I wanted more.

Then all of a sudden that happened. And it feels like all of that happened this past year. I got the opportunity to work with Moving Arts on a brand new play. I got to develop something over the course of eight months. IN the meantime, the Celebration Theatre asked to do a reading. Because of that reading I got involved with someone at The Blank who wanted to bring that play into their Living Room Series, a weekly staged reading series. We're doing that play in the Spring as a staged reading. Then Chalk Rep, another theatre company in town, asked me to be a part of their writers group and I'm working on a new play in that group. The company seems to like it, so I'm hoping that there will be an opportunity there to work on it. It took a few years, but I'm not immersed in LA theatre and have a home base in which to work. It seems like folks like my work and I hope that productions are the next step for me. I'm involved with five local theatre companies. Four of those pretty actively.

That brings me back to last night. I wrote this ten minute play that was meant to go on during a party. The play was scheduled as the last of the four and they were being run on a loop three times during that night. We were well positioned. Not sure if that was pure luck or if folks were into it. I had been writing something heavy all year, so it was nice to write something light and short. I wrote something heavy and really long this year. So to finish the year on a fun note was great. My play had a lot of physical humor in it and was a bit of a sex farce, I guess. That's how it was described. It seemed to be an audience favorite, which I'm happy about. It was a play for a party.

When I was a kid I had to be the best. When I was in my twenties and thirties, I had to be the best. Now, I wonder. Do I need to be "the best?" I was told my play was "the best" of the evening. I love complements, so I'm not going to shy away from them. But I realized last night that I didn't get any pleasure from being told mine was the best, meaning ahead of the pack. I saw that my actors and director worked hard and didn't disappoint the material. I can only write the thing to the best of my ability. That's the kind of best I'm interested in. Did I do the most I could? I thought my cast was the best, that's for sure. I thought the realization of the play was the best. But it's a collaborative effort.

I am happy when people are excited about what I'm working on. At our Chalk Rep writers group yesterday afternoon, I saw that people were responding well to my new play in progress. That helps when you're scared and hesitant about something new. People kept saying they want more. And I want to give them more. I don't worry about "disappointing" them or setting up false expectations because it's a first draft. I'm writing my way into this play. I know I can write at this point. It's not about validation that way. I now need to serve the story. At a certain point, I became aware of my hard work and talent, so now I can just worry about whether or not I'm telling this story in a way that best serves the mission of the play. It's such a relief not to worry about whether or not I'm any good.

I just finished two pilots and I had friends read them to let me know what I should focus on. The consensus was that both were good and accomplished. But friends let me know what they thought I should be working on now. So it's not about being "the best", but about doing my best. And even in early drafts, if I know that I'm doing my best with what I know at that time, it's satisfying.

And this takes me back to September and that final reading of the latest complete play I've written. I know my cast, my director, my assistant director and my dramaturg worked their asses off. I know I worked my ass off. We presented something that stood out because of that hard work and the subject matter. It was a perfect storm. Was it "the best?" I can't say that. I know that it felt fully realized for me. I know that I was happy with it. I know that I'm ready to do more work on the play and take it to a bigger platform. I'm hoping to workshop it at a high-profile theatre festival this summer. If more happens, then great. But I want to set this play up for great success. It's an important story. Much more important than accolades. But if a lot of positive notice gets the play seen, then I'm happy for it to get all of the attention it deserves.

And I realize just because I'm not obsessed with being the best anymore, that doesn't mean that I'm not ambitious or cunning in the way I handle my career. I want the same things I've always wanted with the same fervor.  I have the same desire. But I'm not concerned with how I rank. If the work is good and meant to be exposed, then it will be exposed. There are things out of my control. But I will always do my best and the recent cheering on of my work has given me the confidence to keep going and to keep pushing.

I am grateful for well wishes.
I am grateful for support.
I am grateful to see my work performed.
I am grateful to see people get excited.
I am grateful for laughter.
I am grateful for sincerity.