I've been having fun writing these blog posts about community. I find myself a part of many different and diverse communities lately. I've been working in television. I'm a playwright. And I also teach (more on that community at some point soon). But so far I haven't written about the community I was born into - both as a child of people and as a member of three distinct marginalized cultures. Writing this new play has been a revelation in terms of writing about my cultural background. I have been affected by writing and presenting this play in ways that I hadn't anticipated. It seems to warrant a conversation about community in general.
I was on set today talking to an actor friend of mine. He is on our show and was in a reading of a play of mine a long time ago. I had a black binder in my lap - my new play, which I'm currently rewriting. And also rewriting in between takes and during set ups. I'm trying to use every moment I have to rewrite. I talked about how I never write about my family - except for the play he was in and this new play. I realized that this actor only knows me from those two reference points, so in his mind, it's not weird that I would be writing a new play about my family.
I'm rewriting a TV pilot which is about a family of chefs that also reflect my family's cultural background - being Chinese and Mexican. Two years ago, I wrote a screenplay based on my childhood as a kid obsessed with Woody Allen. I was never comfortable writing about myself or my family. I always thought I should be writing about "people" and not my specific story. Well, those stories often end up being about white people. But I wasn't raised as someone who ever felt a strong connection to my cultural background. I try to not fault my family for this, but they didn't want our ethnicity to hold us back.
However, I have no problem writing about being gay. I used to say it was easier because it was the culture I became a part of as an adult. I've always been gay. But I haven't always embraced the culture. I had no one to share it with growing up. So being gay is a part of my identity. Although, my ex boyfriend doesn't feel like he's gay in the traditional sense, so he's got a different relationship to his sexual orientation. Much like I have a different relationship to my race than other Asian or Latino friends. But writing about my life has made me closer to my family's story. I've embraced my origins - the family I was born into rather than the one I created. I love the family I've created - whether that's other gays, other brown people or other artists. I never want to be removed from that family.
I think - to answer my own question - that community is where you feel the most heard and the most understood. I have a community of writers because writers share certain commonalities and we all understand how hard it is to be creative. I have a community of gay friends because we have a shared experience of being bullied or misunderstood. I have a community of Asian and Latino friends because when they talk about their families, I feel like they could be talking about my own. I feel like I finally have that community that I was lacking as a kid.
When I was sitting around that rehearsal table at Center Theatre Group last week, I felt like I was with family. A lot of the actors looked like I could be related to them. But they also can hear their stories in the smallest details of mine. I don't have to define my culture for anyone outside of it. I was told by my manager to make my pilot characters more culturally specific. For whom? People outside of my culture? They'll get it. Just like I get their culture even though I'm not a part of it. Those stories resonate. The truth resonates. I love being a part of a community of like minded people. But I think I also need to be a part of communities that welcome me in, even though I'm not "one of their own." Community is whoever embraces you and celebrates you. And that could mean a lot of colors, ages, experiences and philosophies different from your own.
My intention is to work all week.
My intention is to open my mind, heart and soul.
My intention is to finish scripts.
I am grateful for the time I spend on set.
I am grateful for collaborators who listen.
I am grateful for all of the fun I'm having.
I am grateful for everything I am learning.
I am grateful for the crew, the cast, and the creatives on this series.
I am grateful to be stretched to my limits.
I am grateful that I get to set new limits or no limits.
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