The Luxury of Me

I'm writing right now.

Last week I was on set for the last week of production on a show I wrote for.

I was "in charge." Really, there were other producers and executives and directors on set. But I had a voice in what was getting done.

When I think about creative freedom and creative control, that's what it looks like. It looks like me being in charge and having ideas.

I talked with my friend Jen who's directing my play reading on Saturday. "This is your process, baby," she said to me as I was talking out some ideas for the last third of the play.

I'm starting to go from It is? to Yeah, it is.

I wrote that title "The Luxury of Me" and just started writing.

I'm writing a play about my life. Directly. I am a character in that play, played by an actor playing me. My director gave him a note - don't play a character.

"The more you can be yourself, the more you will find that character. Because this character is the playwright being himself within his own play. You're the voice of the playwright in his own creation. Even though it's tempting to try and act because you know you're playing a version of the playwright because the playwright is standing in front of you, just be yourself and don't act."

I thought that was the most brilliant note I've ever heard.

And it made me excited for this reading.

It made me excited to dig deep and get the shit done that I need to get.

It's such a great note because when I'm writing dialogue for the character in the play that's supposed to be me, I'm writing as me. Everyone else, I'm writing as a version.

Right now, I'm luxuriating in being me. Being me is enough. It's a luxury item. It feels like a luxury to be yourself sometimes. In a lot of ways, it shouldn't. It should be a luxury everyone can afford. But it's treated that way. Not everyone gets to do what they want or have their own voice. But why not? I'm enjoying being me right now because the me I get to be is the me I want to be. I'm incredibly lucky. 

That me is radiating - and people are noticing.

I'm so excited about this play because I think it's the fullest expression of myself.

After this, I go on to do other things.

If I know this is on record - and hopefully will go on to get produced - I can go on and do other types of writing.

I can write on other people's shows. I can direct. I can be creative in other ways. 

I will still write. I will still be productive, but this is the fullest form of my pure expression at this point in my life and it exists. There's something rewarding enough in that.

I know I am in the right time and in the right place in my life.

My intention is to write today.

My intention is to leave myself on the page.

My intention is to be open to the fullest expression of myself.

I am grateful for Day Three of my K-Spa Writing Tour.

I am grateful that the first two days have been so successful and now we find ourselves on page 79.

I am grateful that today's journey is 20 pages.

I am grateful that I look like myself with my new haircut.

I am grateful that yesterday, I cleansed the dead weight and dead skin.

I am grateful to be renewed and refreshed.