All week I have been writing at Korean Spas - mostly with a lot of success. The first day I rewrote 65 pages. Admittedly, the beginning of that play was in pretty good shape. I mainly trimmed pages. The second day, I got about 16 pages rewritten and worked through some new scenes. And yesterday, I got through another 18. And I finished. I took the rest of that day to relax and decompress. I stayed at the spa for another five hours after I finished so I'd have a clear break between writing projects.
Today, on Day Four of my writing tour, I take on a different project. I'm at Wi Spa in Koreatown, a personal favorite of mine. I've been at Wi several times for 11 or 12 hours. I have stayed here overnight before. When I'm here it feels like time stands still. It's like a miniature city. There are no windows, so you don't really know what time it is outside. There's a great restaurant here. There are many co-ed areas to relax and sleep and unwind. I'm bringing in the big guns to get this next script done.
The alarm went off at 5 AM. I was in bed by 10:15 PM last night, knowing that I'd have to wake up early if I wanted to beat traffic. When I finished up at Imperial Spa yesterday, I thought about whether or not I even needed to come to a spa today. I finished the play. I know I have to finish my rewrite of this pilot. But I thought, maybe I could just do this at home. I'm accomplished. I'm done!
Then I thought about Resistance. Resistance would want me to stop because I've gotten enough done. I know that if I get this pilot done, then I will be done with all the writing I wanted to get done this week. And I'm in a perfect position to accomplish that goal. And I think about how Resistance works. It's insidious. First it starts out with "well, you've done enough. You need your rest." Then it becomes, "Can you really do that?", "There's NO WAY you can do that.", "You're not smart enough", etc.
So I doubled down and decided to get up early, like I was heading into the office. I know that Wi has an early bird special Monday-Friday where if you get in between 4-10AM, it's $20. And I know if I get here early, I'm going to avoid traffic and I'm going to feel like I'm accomplished. When I drove in this morning, it was dark. I almost missed Wilshire Blvd because it was so quiet. And when I pulled into the parking lot, it was FULL. I was shocked. But a lot of people stay here over night. And it's the nicest 24 hour Korean Spa in the area.
I'm ready to pull in a long day to get this pilot rewritten. I have about 38 pages written. I have several more scenes to write and I think it will come in long. But I want to rewrite everything and see what I have to cut. I've been working on the pilot itself for the past month. I have a personal deadline to get it done by tomorrow so I can say I've only worked on it for the month. My manager gave me notes on it three months ago, but because of production and another project I was trying to pitch, I haven't had the time to really work on it. And I've been working on the play as well. It's not like I haven't done any work on it. I worked on a beat sheet and an outline. I reworked a lot of the play. It feels like a serious rewrite -almost a redraft. I've been on set producing, so it's not like I've been putting it off to do nothing. Yet, I still feel like I need to close this out and send it to him so we can take next steps. Mercury retrograde is coming up on the 30th as well, so I want to finish it before then.
I feel like I'm setting myself up for a busy fall. After I finish up with the pilot, I have two days of the play workshop and I'll be rewriting during that time. Then I have the reading on Saturday and next week I have to get my syllabus together to start teaching in about a week. Then I've got a whole new adventure in the Fall of being in San Diego. I have an inkling that the Fall will be busy, like the Spring was with me having to juggle teaching with other projects. I'm absolutely open to that. I can always make things work.
8 AM - Already been here two hours. I looked at the play again and made some minor adjustments. Got teary reading over the end. That's it. I stuck the landing. Now I look forward to hearing more and seeing what else I can cut. Eating some food I brought with me. Sending out some emails. Going to be talking myself into getting some work on this pilot done soon. I'm finishing up some loose ends to avoid work - Resistance is looming nearby. Need to get this work done quickly so I can get do what I came here to do today.
12 PM - Still haven't started the work yet. Been at the spa for six hours! I've been reading and doing other things. I took a nap. I've eaten a bit. I've cleaned out my emails. I've sent emails. I've had text conversations with friends. I've listened to music. I've watched videos. Lunch is coming soon. This is how I thought it would go. That's why I got here early. I'm getting ready to work soon. I hope. :)
6 PM - Okay, I've been here officially for twelve hours. I'm trying to get stuff done. I'm actually not totally feeling the stuff I need to get done. I'm trying not to panic. Today has been productive in taking things easy. I'm worried that I won't get the pilot done in the time I need to. I have a habit of getting everything done on my list except for the last thing I need to get done. I just need to write some scenes. I don't need to finish it all today. Just some scenes. Trying to take the pressure off of myself. I have had a lot of relaxing dips in the cold pool and time in the steam room. I do need the time to decompress. But I also have to get this pilot done. I have to remember not to compartmentalize everything I need to get done. I have such an emotional attachment to the play because it's telling a personal story. That play feels more important for me because it feels more creative and more personal. Then I work on the pilot and that feels like it pales in comparison. But I have to remember that the pilot is also my family story. It's the story of a family like mine that has a successful business. I'm still telling those personal family stories. Both of those stories speak to one another, which could be good in terms of selling me as a writer. I try not to get too involved in the whole strategy of it all - but old habits die hard. I have a talent for seeing how things fit together. I do that for other people in my life. I like the business as much as the show. But it also means that I put all kinds of pressure on myself. Somehow I have put Hollywood - or a successful film and TV writing career - on a pedestal. I should just do the work, like I always do. And I've written multiple versions of this script before. So why is this different for me this time? I've been incredibly productive this year so far - I know how to do this. I rewrote a pilot, wrote this play and have been working on the rewrites, I've written on a show and did multiple outlines and drafts, I've been on set and produced. Why is it so hard for me to get this one script done? I haven't had time and I've been putting it off. But it also has scared me for some reason. I'm getting too much in my head about it.
It's 7:40 PM and I think I'm going to go home soon. After I finish this post. I didn't get much writing done today. Not in the way I wanted to. I'm questioning whether or not I'm going to head to a K Spa tomorrow. I might wait and see if on Friday I need to get work done on the rewrite. I have been productive. I have rested. I have reset. I had a few conversations - met a couple from Chicago who are stopping in LA before they head to Australia and Asia for a year to get jobs and travel. Then I met a couple from Phoenix who are in town for one of the boyfriend's birthdays. So not all was lost. I will have been here for 14 hours. I felt completely active and engaged in my day the whole time.
When I was in the steam room - I was present. When I was in the dry sauna or the cold pool or napping, I felt like those were deliberate things. I took care of some business things via email. I even watched a few videos, but none of it felt like unconscious work. I felt engaged. Fourteen hours of mental engagement are a victory. I'm not mad at today in ways that I would have been just even a year ago. I would beat myself up about a "wasted day." Today was not wasted. I've felt inspired all day. I'm not sure what's not clicking with this pilot. I have the story mapped out! I'm ready to go. I think I just need to write the scenes I want to write and then fill in the pieces until I'm done. I'm not going to think about it too hard. Nourishing my soul and my creative self is also work. I've had a very meditative sort of day. I don't feel depleted. I don't feel like I didn't have the energy today.
I know I have work to do on this pilot beyond getting it finished. I start rehearsals for the workshop tomorrow. I'm going to be fully engaged in that. I can't wait to get into the rehearsal room. I know it's important to have a writing sample in which to sell me. I'm not assuming I'm going to be asked back for the next season of our show. I'd love to. But I'm acting as if I don't know what the next thing is going to be because I actually don't.
I'm not sure where that trust comes from - the trust that things will work out. I have employment starting next week. Some would say that I'm not forcing myself to work because I have security. But I have been working my ass off all year. I don't feel like anything's guaranteed. It would be different if I didn't try. That's not the case. My manager didn't like the pilot I wrote last year. I had another pilot I wanted to rewrite. Last year I wrote three scripts in three months after spending eight months on one script. I didn't stop because I was "done" for the year. Or because I was tired. I'm not stopping now. This is just taking longer because I've been working. I'm building an incredible skill set to write and produce my own show.
This play has opened up my voice in so many ways. I know that it has broken me open. Will it set the world on fire? I can't say. I know it has set me on fire. It's weird. I don't have a TV sample that is that weird. I'd like to believe that someone could sell me on my theatre material for TV, especially coming off a gig.
I want to finish the pilot because I believe in this story. I've taken apart the story after thinking I was done a long time ago. Maybe it's the difficulty of dusting something off and completely revamping it. I'm making it better. There's no doubt about that. It's not that I'm ruining anything. I know this process is for sure making the pilot better. I'll get it done. I have no doubt about that. My brain just has to put some things together in ways it hasn't been able to yet. I'll get there.
My intention is to be good to myself.
My intention is to be open.
My intention is to work hard.
I am grateful for random conversations with strangers.
I am grateful for joy.
I am grateful for music.
I am grateful for inspiration that comes in all forms.
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