It Takes Time

I'm probably the worst at being patient. I find myself in a position where I have a lot going on. I have projects that will take me at least into August and yet, I think I should be able to get everything done tomorrow. And then write five more scripts between now and then.

I took off to Vegas last week for a "retreat" and on the first night there (a week ago), finished a draft of a major rewrite of a play I'm having read a week from tonight. Then I had the rest of the time to think and to take notes on a pilot script I'm writing. I wrote this script two years ago and thought it was done. Then my new manager said he liked the script. Then he gave me tons of notes on it. And, of course, I find myself in the position of rewriting the whole thing over again. My friends asked me if that's frustrating. Sure, to a point. But what's even more frustrating is having a script out there that I know could be better. And I'm a better writer now than I was two years ago. It's difficult for me to sit with that knowledge and know that I could make it better. I wouldn't have resurrected it if not for the fact that my manager didn't like the newer script I gave him.  I'm not taking apart what was good about it the first time. I'm deepening it, I think.

And I was hoping to come home last Friday with this script completely done. But that didn't happen. I had notes. I had index cards. I got lots of sleep and took time to be alone. And it's fine. I came home and I took more notes. I watched more documentaries on the subject I'm writing about. I took more notes. I thought more about it. And I still have not started the rewrite. I know how much the stew needs to stay on the stove to marry the flavors before I'm ready to serve it. It drives me crazy sometimes that things take the time they take. I have not for one moment taken my eye off of the pot. And in the grand scheme of things, it's not a lot of time. It takes what it takes.

I finished the play in a little over a week - maybe ten days. And that felt like an eternity. Maybe it's my perception of time that's the issue. I get up every morning and I have my ritual and I get my work done. I probably spend about two hours before I start working to wake up, to meditate, to exercise, to answer emails, to eat breakfast. I'm luxuriating in the freedom of time I have right now. When I was working on the show, I got up and got in the car early in the morning. Then I worked out and got to work. Then I drove home in traffic. I probably spent at least two hours in commuting every day. I"m trying to enjoy every moment I have. I used the fruits of my labor to travel and get some new clothes. I'm using the time to write and focus and concentrate on my own stuff, so I can have the next experience where I learn something. Then I bring that focus and knowledge to my own work. I bring that craft with me to the creative side. It's a real symbiosis.

I'm using all of my time to the fullest. There's not a wasted moment. I'm learning to appreciate the amount of time things take. If I'm always busy, then times passes and feels full and purposeful. Even the time I sleep and relax feels purposeful if it's all directed towards a goal. My writing mentor in college told me that if I make everything about writing, nothing will feel wasted. I've tried to remember that throughout my whole writing life.

I gave myself the challenge of writing something different every month this year. It's the fifth month of the year and so far I have kept up on that challenge. This month I will have written at least two new things. I had to finish the play for the reading. And I have to finish the script I'm writing for our show because I'm legally bound to do that. If I finish the pilot and get it to my manager, that's a bonus. But I want to get it done and into him because I said I would. And it has been about a month. And I said it would take me a month. Now I didn't know that I would be pitching a series to a production company. And I am also working on a show at the same time. So I'm sure I have a little bit of leeway. But I know myself and I'm not into letting myself off the hook because I got busier than I thought I would be. Although, I don't want to turn in something schlocky. You can't force it. All I can do is think and read and ponder and wander and focus and write.

This is what I love doing. I love learning and getting better. I love getting paid. I love being in the rooms I need to be in. I love saying I'm going to do something and doing it. I didn't know I'd get this manager and I got him. I didn't know I'd be working on a show so early into the year and that happened. All of these things focus me and make me more determined and close the time gaps on the accomplishments I have been working towards for so long. It gives me momentum and it makes me look forward to the next item on my plate.

But it takes time. When you want something it's hard to understand that and be patient. Hopefully, I'm distracting myself with the work I'm doing that I'm not noticing how much - or how little - time it's taking.

I am grateful for energy.
I am grateful for more projects to come my way.
I am grateful that I am alerting the universe that I want more by doing more.
I am grateful that I am finding patience.
I am grateful that I have the support of family and friends.