May Review

Here it is. The last day of May. It has been a productive month by many standards. For me, I'm always trying to get that last bit in before the end of the month.  It's just my way. I'm learning to be more patient with myself, but I'm always worried about losing my edge. Maybe that's a silly feeling. I don't know.

In a way, May closes out a section of the year that included me getting my first staffing job. It was incredibly productive - and while I technically fulfilled my goal of getting one script written a month, I have pilot scripts I'm still working on. The good news is that I postponed working on that other stuff because I was getting paid. I can't complain about that.

Now I go back to the work of trying to get work - which is an exciting challenge in itself. I celebrate all of the work I was able to do in the first half of the year. And as I work towards this second half (and then some), I continue to do the work that got me here in the first place. I get up in the morning and I write. I blog. I have my tea. I spend time in quiet. This is my practice. I go back to this place of consistency.

I realize that when I am not busy, my mind wanders. I basically want to fuck anything that moves. The creative and sexual impulses are related for me. My sexual urges are not what they were when I was younger. But when I feel myself get distracted, I know it's time to double down on getting work done. Or feeding the creative beast somehow. And these days, it's about watching something on Netflix or HBO Now if I'm not equipped to sit at the computer and write something.

I'm in a bit of a replenishing phase. But to go back to the work that happened this month -

We had a beautiful reading of an older play with some terrific actors who I loved working with. A small band of folks, but really wonderful. I had a bit of a crush on one of the actors, which let me know that I'm not completely closed off. I rewrote the damn script. That was not a requirement of the process. But I took the script and hollowed it out, leaving the structure, but having to fill in new elements. I thought it was incredibly moving. I haven't written something that earnest since. But it really showed me what I'm capable of in terms of writing a purely moving story.

I also wrote the finale of the show I'm working on. It's interesting to write something that's not really your own. For me, it was a master class in structure and moving around the puzzle pieces. And getting paid for it. I loved writing the finale, but I also had a lot of challenges in writing something that's from an outline that was based on something I wrote, but totally rewritten. That experience prepared me for how I will approach certain aspects when I run my own show.

It would be totally arrogant of me to just say - "Here's what I would do differently." I think the Universe is going to teach me a lesson - it ain't as easy as you think it is. And it's a lesson I'm willing to take head on. It's going to teach me what I'm capable of - and it will be difficult. But the whole experience of being on the show was an incredible master class and a crash course. It taught me that I'm ready. And being ready doesn't mean that you're capable of doing everything perfectly. It means that you're equipped enough to be in over your head. That you won't be totally swept up by the current, but that you're going to have to swim hard because that current is a motherfucker. Being ready just means that it's a fair fight.

Now I sit here on the couch, ready to flesh out my outline for a script I'm rewriting. Then I have to rewrite the script. Then I have to turn it in. And then I have to pick up the next outline, which is fully fleshed out, and write the next script after that. That might bring me up to the point where it's time for the next play rewrite. And after that, I don't know. I'm just going to trust that someone's sending back the trapeze for me to grab onto when I need it.

I am grateful for the constant flow of inspiration.
I am grateful that the well is plentiful.
I am grateful that I have a smile on my face this morning.
I am grateful that I am meeting an old friend today before she leaves town.
I am grateful that my friends are like family.
I am grateful for loved ones.
I am grateful that I get to go to Portland in a month.
I am grateful that I get to go to Sonoma in a few weeks.
I am grateful that I get to spend time with my San Francisco friends, who are also my family.
I am grateful that I get to spend time with my Santa Clara friends, who have been family for awhile.
I am grateful that my family is excited that I'm coming up to visit.