I'm taking the opportunity to write a bit about the community I've found working as a writer in Los Angeles over the past several years. I recently had to write a letter applying to New Dramatists in New York, an organization that supports playwrights. Being someone who does not live in New York, I had to make an extra case for myself as someone who could take advantage of their programming in New York over the next seven years, the duration of the residency. In that letter, I talked about community and the one I had built in LA over the past several years. It took a while for me to get there, but I finally have. In two previous posts, I've talked about two of my best writer friends and being in the rehearsal room for my latest play workshop. My main source of community has been my theatre community in LA. But most recently, I've ventured into the TV world and I've had a great community on set that was unexpected. I'm writing about community because writing is such a singular, lonely experience that we desire to be in rooms, surrounded by other like-minded individuals for the company and community.
In February, I stepped into a writer's room for the first time on my first TV show. I had never been in a "room" before - that's the industry term for it: The Room. Our room was pretty friendly. We sat in this little fishbowl for 8-10 hours a day talking about the arc of this story we were telling. We diagrammed and outlined and mapped out the ways this story would parcel out over the course of ten episodes. And we worked fast because we were working in the digital space. But I understood the world of pitching, brainstorming, outlining and script writing. I've been writing plays since undergrad. I went to grad school and wrote screenplays and teleplays for the first time. And I've been writing spec pilots for years. I've refined my skills at writing scripts, but I basically know how to do that. Being in the room and breaking down story with a group has sharpened my skills exponentially in a short amount of time. However, the mechanics of writing are familiar to me. I'm even going to teach a glass in TV and Film Script Writing in the Fall.
When I stepped onto the set for the first time, it was a whole different story. My best friend is a well-known actress who has been working in film and TV since she was a kid. I've been on sets with her since I was in college. She recently did a multi-cam sitcom that I was on the set for over the course of three years. I saw the writers working. I ate a lot of craft services - their craft services on show night was pretty awesome. But I was never involved in the making of a show.
Our showrunner invited all of us writers into the process of making our episodes. If we chose to, we could be on set "producing" our episodes. I only put producing in quotes because I'm not an actual producer on the show. And because I didn't believe I'd actually be producing my episode. I could sit down, maybe, on set and listen in. But I didn't think anyone would be asking for my opinion. That would be a thrill and an honor, but not an expectation. And it would, frankly, be scary. Turns out it was all of those things because I actually got to produce my episode - no quotes. And I go back on set next week to produce my other episode.
Here's the cool thing about the show we're working on. As a staff writer, I got to write two episodes. That almost never happens. Some staff writers don't even get to write ONE episode without heavy supervision - if they get to write one at all. Staff writers are often there to observe and learn, to pitch ideas and contribute. But they're apprentices. They're not expected to do the heavy lifting. All I can say is my back hurts from the heavy lifting I've been doing. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
My showrunner and I have been friends since grad school. We've produced theatre in LA together. We know we work very well together. I know she has faith in my ability, but I didn't realize how much until I got to set. I had been invited a couple of weeks prior to attend a Character Meeting that covered the character arcs for our main cast. In the room was me, our showrunner and the two directors who were working on the series. We chatted about each character and the journey that they were on throughout our ten episodes. My showrunner and I have a great back and forth that was evident in the room. It was then that I kind of became a spokesperson for her, even though I didn't realize it. After that meeting, she invited me to the Concept Meeting the next day. Great. What's a concept meeting? Turns out that we would go through the script and discuss what departments needed to be involved in executing key elements of each scene. It was to discuss the visual and technical concept to making each episode. She allowed me to sit in and watch her Concept Meeting so I could be prepared for my own, when my episode would come up. I was present for both my Concept Meeting and my Tone Meeting, where the director and AD asked me any questions about the tone for each scene in my episode. I was getting an incredible education even before I stepped on the set.
Then I stepped on the set. And I was given a chair, headphones to listen in on the scenes with and I was introduced to various members of the crew. Then I got to attend rehearsals for each scene we were shooting from my episode that day. I turned to my showrunner and said, "Holy shit, we're about to film my first scene of my first episode of TV
ever." She nodded. We've been friends for a long time and this is where we've ended up - together working on her TV show, producing (again, no quotes) my first episode of TV. I sat behind the director and the script supervisor in Video Village - the place where you watch the monitors and see the scene being filmed. They would ask me questions. It all felt very cool and exciting. Then my showrunner left to attend to other things. And I was
alone.
That's when instincts kick in. And that's when the nerves have to be put to the side. I was "in charge" (the quotes are necessary because I couldn't really believe I was actually in charge). The cast started coming up to me and asking me questions. I couldn't believe that these actors were on camera saying the words of dialogue I wrote and were doing what I wrote. I've been a playwright for along time and have seen actors on stage doing my work, but this was completely different. I don't know if it's my expectation of what making a TV show is, but this felt more magical for some reason. I guess it's having a record of what I wrote. It's going to exist on record forever. It's different than a taped performance. This is meant to be filmed. It's also weird because you don't know what you have until you put it together in post, cut it together, and have the music. You hope you have what you need. I'm hoping my instincts are all right. At this point, I won't even know until I see the whole thing put together.
As the days went on, I got more confident on set. Whenever my showrunner had to go look at cuts or deal with other issues, I was there. We had to rewrite a few scenes on the fly and I just had to beef up some voice over speeches. I sat on set making decisions, looking at scenes, running in and asking my director to make some adjustments. At that point I did feel IN CHARGE and like a PRODUCER (no quotes whatsoever).
We had one last scene to get last Friday, which was a group scene in which our extras had to get completely animated and cause a riot. We weren't getting it. We had background players who weren't necessarily actors. My director turned to me and said, "We're not going to get it. You can't get stuck on this." I took a breath. I knew we had to get it. Our Assistant Director went in there and rallied the troops and we got it. We also got another shot where we had to do an alternative take with a different line. My showrunner and my executive were both gone. It was up to me - and there were moments where it was dodgy. But we did it. At the end of the day, my director said to me that he really loved working with me. And that was everything.
This is a different community because it's a community of not only actors, directors, and writers. But it's also a community of extras, technicians, designers, caterers, executives, producers - it really does take an incredible amount of people whose skill sets I don't completely understand to make this happen. I feel like such a smaller cog in the wheel than I usually do as a playwright. As a playwright, I feel like I have a greater amount of control. At times, while producing, I felt like I had less control, but more responsibility to make sure everything went over well. And again, I still won't know until it needs to be cut together. But the experience has been invaluable.
Most importantly, I want to do more of it. At one point, I thought "of course I want to do more because it's working in TV." It was an ego thing. Of course this is what I want to do because this is the height of success. It's being a writer/producer. I want to eventually be in charge of my own show. Who wouldn't want to do that? I realize that it's far more work and detail than I could have imagined - and still, I haven't had the experience yet of creating my own show. Just what I've done is so much work than I was prepared for. Being in the room with other writers was a lot more work. Then producing the relatively small amount that I did was more work. I can't imagine being responsible for the whole enchilada. But I want to know what that's like.
I realized through this experience - which isn't over because I've got one more week working on the finale - and through the experience of working on my play this week, that what I'm doing is incredibly important. Not to make me rich. Not to make me famous. Not to make me a respected writer. All of those things contribute to what's more important - I need to be a tastemaker, a voice in the room, an influencer as a gay, Latino, Asian male writer. There aren't any of me in this industry. There are people who represent separate factions and combinations of my background. But someone like me has to be in power making decisions. A year ago, I almost got a job as the literary manager of an important regional theatre in Portland. The job would have been horrible for me. But the idea that became increasingly more attractive was being a tastemaker in the theatre. The theatre's even more white than TV. There's an incredibly homogenous perspective that makes up a majority of the decision makers in the theatre - artistic directors, dramaturgs, literary managers, directors, etc. It's a singular point of view. The theatre that would have hired me would not have wanted any of the skills I have been able to cultivate over the past month. I didn't know that then. But the seed that got planted through the process of applying and interviewing for that job was that I needed to be a tastemaker. My voice is important. And for that voice to be my voice as a writer as well as a producer is imperative. It's becoming increasingly clear that my desire for this career isn't just based in my own desire to advance myself. My whole life I have straddled the fence of altruism and self-interest. I'd go back and forth. My ambition was driven by my own self interest, but ultimately doing something for myself, I'd come up short. It wasn't enough to motivate me. Then I had another part of me that wanted to use my voice in a meaningful way. But just doing work that's purely meaningful without using the full extent of my voice wasn't satisfying either. I now realize that both have to be working together, in tandem and consistently, for me to make any strides. I need to push myself to make a real mark - and that comes from wanting to play in a big arena - but the purpose has to be even larger than myself.
That's the community I seek. It's a larger community. It's based in Hollywood and the American Theatre, but it's about me pushing my own voice and having enough of an ego to know that my voice is deserving of all the attention it can get when I let it speak and sing and yell and scream. It's a loud voice that has to rise above the consistent, steady, murmur of the status quo. There is no either/or. It's both - and both give it its fuel and fire. Being a showrunner is apart of that vocation. And this job has been a part of me learning to do that in a much shorter amount of time than I would have if I had taken a different route and gone the regular way. I am certain that me finding this path in this way was the way it was meant to happen all along.
Being on set has enabled me to visualize a bigger dream for myself than I could even realize. And it has allowed me to do a walking, waking visualization of what I see for myself. This is pretty incredible.
My intention is to get this pilot done this weekend.
My intention is to be patient with myself.
My intention is to keep working.
My intention is to see this through.
My intention is to be a showrunner of my own series shortly and soon.
I am grateful for the communities I have created and been invited into.
I am grateful for the friendships that have arisen out of those communities.
I am grateful for the support that has come from those friendships.
I am grateful for the work that has been generated from that support.
I am grateful for the stillness that has brought that work into being.
