Coming Back into the Atmosphere

I just spent the weekend in Northern CA (Sonoma, Placerville, Lake Tahoe) with the boyfriend visiting friends and family.  And spending some much needed time together, clothed and naked.

On the ride back from Tahoe yesterday we sat in silence for a while and also just talked.  With what's been busy over the past two months, it has been hard to find time to connect.  I feel like I have been a success in my creative life by writing a lot and being productive.  But when it came to being in a relationship, I have been less successful.

I've been tired.
I've been spent.
I've been moody.
I've been saving all of my good stuff for the work.

That's a sure fire way to end up alone.

My excuse used to be that the work was the most important thing.
But without the reason for working so hard, then what am I left with?

It certainly was reaffirming to know that my man and I can connect still after almost three years on a road trip.  It's also good to know that even though I was having a moment on the rocks in the nude beach in Lake Tahoe because we couldn't find the perfect spot, my boyfriend didn't meet me with the same anxiety I was throwing his way.  He let me be.  Then I closed by eyes, realized what a fool I was being and came back to myself.

The weekend was filled with great meals and booze and having a lovely time.

I woke up this morning without an ounce of anxiety about being back.
I drove back last night without any remorse about returning home.
And without that feeling of having to come home because I had too much time away from my work.
I woke up.  Read a little bit.  And got in the shower.
Then went to yoga class and came to my office.

That's it.  I attribute this to the fact that I've been spending a lot of time in silence lately.  I have also started meditating more regularly.  That seems to help.

So my re-entry was not turbulent at all.

Now I'm at my desk and I know what needs to get done.  And I'm perfectly happy to be in this space now.

Just like I was happy to be in the other spaces then.

Although…now I might be a little hungry.

I am grateful for nude sunbathing.
I am grateful for nude swimming.
I am grateful for the weekend away.
I am grateful for the beautiful face I got to stare at most of the weekend.
I am grateful for my headphones, which I couldn't find for a week or so.
I am grateful for books to read.
I am grateful for ideas to flesh out.
I am grateful for great words.